So damn frustrating ! After writing a bit on one of "those" sites, I did a face-to-face with a guy today. We met for a hike - which to me is a perfect way to go - walk and talk.
We got on so well, with much in common. Easy, relaxed, got each other's humor. And on and on. He's even not too far away.
And he looked like his photos ! Well, at least - his face did ...
But he was way heavier now, and clearly out of shape. We did a few casually paced miles, and I was disturbed to hear his labored breathing, and saw him sweating , even though it was not hot. Reminded me of my Dad before his heart attacks ...
Oh, and to top that off, he's a decade younger than me.
The icing on the proverbial cake were his teeth, which had a very obvious build up of gray tarter that overshadowed his otherwise nice smile. He's got a successful food business, and said he wants for little - except a girlfriend.
(been married twice in the past).
While I wasn't repulsed by him - as he's a nice guy, there was zero physical attraction - something that simply can't be forced, and something I so wish to have. I certainly have no desire to kiss that mouth - and I love to kiss ... <sigh>
I am turned on by fitness - always have been. Not talking Adonis or anything either - just evidence of self care through the years.
He's already texted me, saying he wants to see me again. I will gently tell him exactly what I wrote here - and he may be destined to the dreaded "friend zone". Not the worst outcome. But damn-damn-damn.
6
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Hey Evergreen, if you are ever down near the Smoky Mountain area, give me a call. I love hiking. I'm not a great talker, but I do like kissing!
AstralSmoke
Level 8
Jan 25, 2020
1
I will - but I think I would need to go north to get there ! : )
@evergreen Yes, of course you are correct. For some reason I was thinking you lived in Michigan.
@AstralSmoke Moved from NY 21yrs ago. No more cold for me thanks - gotta have the heat !
You have my sympathy. I refuse to get twitter-pated over a guy before meeting. Repeat after me:
Nothing is real until you meet.
Research shows with online dating, 80% of people (men and women) post old photos and lie about their age, weight, fitness, height (short guys), profession, etc.
I have reached the point where I will not meet a man with closed-mouth photos. Every man I met with closed-lip photos had horrid teeth. Ugh. I can't imagine kissing that.
LiterateHiker
Level 9
Jan 25, 2020
1
Yeah ! And then you meet, and sometimes it becomes TOO real, eh ?
To me, the teeth thing even overshadows the weight thing !
I've come away saying that many times... damn, damn, damn!
Wildflower
Level 8
Jan 24, 2020
2
Fascinating ....
Bigwavedave
Level 8
Jan 24, 2020
0
Thank you Mr Spock.......
@PondartIncbendog ok then.
As strangely comfortable as I currently feel being single, there’s a woman I talk with on a regular basis ..who’d be a fine match. Aware of each other for some time, I suppose the fact neither push themself on the other confirms our similar thoughts and behavior.
...but she smokes, and that remains a life-long romance killer to me.. I’ve spoken of it, and she of course knows she shouldn't, but continues… Otherwise ..fuck, we would. Damn.
We’re also at an age where that shit begins to catch up with you. Generally taken for far younger than I am, I’ve compounded that with a healthy lifestyle. And, a ‘caretaker’ at heart … do not want to spend the rest of my or a lovers life caring for health problems they’ve brought on themselves. Shit.
You’re being true to yourself ...and honestly, kissing dirty teeth ..or an ashtray is not what the healthy find a turn on.. Let’s continue looking ~
Varn
Level 8
Jan 24, 2020
4
Indeed ! Smoking is right up there with nasty teeth - and even more destructive to health. Damn !
This is why I tend to avoid “dating”. There seems to be an unspoken assumption that if you go out with someone you’re automatically in the beginning stages of couplehood. And then if you don’t want to go further you have to find a way to “back out”.
It seems so backward to me. Not pointing fingers - we all find ourselves there at times. But I try to look for ways to make it known in advance that we’re not an “item”. We’re not sizing each other up for a ‘pass or fail’ test. We’re just two humans having a conversation. And there will have to be many more conversations before we even get near the “let’s-try-this-on-for-size” stage.
But that’s just me. And I’m chronically single, and getting singler by the minute!
skado
Level 9
Jan 24, 2020
5
Not criticizing your right to dictate your choices, but it seems like "friend zkne" is a weird purgatory... ik guessing you're not really friends with this guy, or intending to be. Why add in "we can still be friends"? Just be polite and cut him loose.
MarkiusMahamius
Level 7
Jan 24, 2020
0
First - I just met him today - so I can't say we're friends, or anything yet. Second, I was just in touch with him, and shared my feelings, and he very much wants to remain in the picture, saying I might be his motivation to get in shape. So being friends is possible. I'd rather be honest (but kind), than "polite".
@IrishTxJudy Yes - he seems fully aware of what he needs to do - for himself - but just hasn't . He said he quit drinking (good thing), but then gained 50lbs ! Definitely has his work cut out for him.
Very impressive on your weight loss ! Your body will thank you many times over - good job !!
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