When my dad starts condemning any religion not his own but especially Islam, I just tell him that I believe all religion is interchangable because they're all bs. He drops the subject because even though he professes to be a Christian, it's more about justifying his bigotry than any real belief. His real beliefs are more in line with mine than any church.

I never go into those discussions trying to change someone. That’s much more compassionate than the disrespect others show by trying to change me. Tell them you respect their need to believe in their god, but ask them to show you the same respect for your beliefs. Tell them that it’s a personal choice and you’ve not taken this choice lightly but done your homework . Nobody’s right and nobody’s wrong, so respect is the only way your relationship will flourish in love. If they persist, you know that it’s beyond help. Spend time with them, but at the first mention of criticism of your beliefs, you very politely stand, gather your belongings, kiss your mom, tell her you love her and leave. No exceptions; every time. If she wants to spend time with you, she will stop mentioning it. Good luck.

My Dad was a saved, born again, take Jesus into your heart, hellfire and brimstone Baptist, and over time, our visits became a constant preaching tirade. I finally told him that I wasn't going to talk to him about religion unless it was just talking about what friend he saw at church, or wanted to say grace, etc. Religion lite. I told him that I respected his right to believe whatever he wanted to, even if I didn't, but the constant pontificating had to stop. I told him that if he got on a preaching tirade, I was going to leave, and I would come back when he was ready to visit. He was in his 80's but was able to dial it back, and we were able to visit, without the constant preaching. He talked about church and said grace, but no preaching. A big improvement.

Street epistemology. Get the other person to examine their beliefs themselves.

First of all, she’s 81 years old—the odds that she is ever going to change her mind at this time in her life are pretty much stacked against you. God is her thing and she probably wishes she could share that with you.

I wouldn’t be surprised to learn that she’s not also frightened... worried that after she dies she will never see you again (because of her beliefs). I also suspect that she wants your life to be better, and she’s recommending the one thing she believes will do that.

I think it’s okay to set boundaries and simply keep the conversation toward those areas where you can both share. If she pushes too hard, let her know that you’ve given your position a lot of thought, and you’re sure of where you stand, and you feel confident in your decision. And whenever you can, look for the ways she inspires you.

She is not going to change. Bit your tongue and let her be.

Thanks for all the insights that so many of you shared with me on my "Mama Dilemma."
You guys have affirmed through your thoughts the very essence of what drew me to rethink my beliefs in supernatural beings, or causation: That is, the power of rational, and clear thinking to examine and confront our world. What you guys shared with me was so clear and rational, that it made the answers, and aporoach to my dilemma, not only manageable, but achievable. And I did'nt have to say five hail marys, and 8 our fathers!!!(being silly)
More importantly, you have demonstrated how we can, through the power of clear, rational, and mindful thought, improve ourselves, our own lives, the lives of others, and our world...which I believe is our ultimate aim as human beings, and the greatest good we can do.
Thank you guys

She's 81. She'll be dead soon. Some battles aren't worth fighting.

I realized I could try to poke holes in my parents beliefs, but decided against it. The4y believed (both have passed away now) tht they were happy. if I managed to crete doubts in their faith, on which they based the life decisions on for most of their lives, I dotn' thin they would be thankful or appreciative if I showed them just how much misery of their lives was caused by their religious beliefs.

I just knew my parents would nto be happy to realize their life was based on lies, an dI concluded thay woudl be hapier with their religious delusions than they woudl be without them.

That was not an easy conclusion to come to. I am veyr resentful and angry about my upbrining, the waste, and resent all the indoctrination, and I really would love to strike back, but in the end, my parents did the best they could and what they believed to be right, even if they were wrong, they did try their best to do the right thing.

When your mother gives credit to "god". As an atheist, you would do better to view her "god" as just beign another part of herself, even if she, herself, thinks otherwise. After all, her good actions come out of her beign a good person, and her hard work also comes out of her beign a hard worker. It may be a shame that she does nto recofnize that her nature comes from within, bu tgives credit to some exernal force, but you know better. If she is happy with her beliefs, just let go and let her have them.

My mom is 90 and "born again", she will sometimes say things like that. She knows I do not believe. At first I made my explanations about why. Now I just ignore her comments about praying or believing and usually switch subjects. Seems to work well enough without getting into heated discussion.

I completely understand where you're coming from.
I have an aunt, whom I absolutely adore. She's a believer, and she knows I'm an atheist.
Last week, we were on the phone (we speak weekly), and she was telling me how she was going to be headed to the cemetery to put the palm crosses she'd gotten at church, on the graves of
all our loved ones. Even though I think it's absolutely ridiculous to do such a thing, I said "that's nice". When she talks about everyone we loved and miss being in 'heaven', and describes what she believes is going on "up there", I just listen and "mmmhmmm". I want to express how absurd I think it all is, but I don't. It would serve no purpose. It wouldn't change her mind, and would only hurt her feelings. I hold my tongue (which is quite surprising to anyone who knows me), and let
her say her piece. It doesn't change what I know, and isn't worth creating hard feelings between us. Sometimes, we make allowances for the people we love. Especially when they're older, and there's no point in pressing the subject.

At 81 they aren't changing. Allow them their comfort.

Tough one. Reassure Mom that you care about her, even though you don't believe as she does. Where she attributes her successes is her business; yours is to love her in spite of that.

Respect other wishes
So what is respect
we are all puppets playing the universe game
play along and be wary of highs and lows

leans in to listen for useful advice