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Mormon Missionaries

So last summer, my door was knocked on by three young men, obviously Mormon (wearing the Mormon missionary uniform: white short-sleeved shirt, tie, slacks).

Now to set the stage: I live in a rural area of King County, Washington; my backyard water feature is Cedar River - and my driveway is 1/10 of a mile long - but I have neighbors on one side, a medium stone's throw away, with a gated fence between us.

I asked them, "can I help you gentlemen?" and the boss missionary replies, " we're here to spread the good word about Jesus Christ and the Latter-Day Saints"

To which I replied, "uh-huh. So tell me, did you come here from next door through the gate?"

And boss missionary says, very earnestly, "oh, no sir, we came down the driveway"

"Izzatso? Here's the thing, boys - I'm a relaxed agnostic who was raised Roman Catholic and gave it up for Lent when I was 16 - but I think that everyone is entitled to believe whatever delusion they want to, as long as they don't annoy me with it. And I especially loathe proselytizers knocking on my door.

"So tell me, please, how you missed the 3 "No Trespassing" signs at the top and mid-point of my driveway?"

And when boss missionary denied seeing them, I replied, "my old grandma Grace always said 'you go to hell for lying just the same as you do for stealing,' son"

And as they fell over themselves apologizing and skedaddling, one of the mini-me-missionaries at least had the good grace to blush in embarrassment.

matthew1954 7 Mar 31

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12 comments

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1

Friends of a friend was cleaning chickens they had just killed when 2 Mormons knocked on their door. The guy, still wearing his bloody apron and holding his bloody knife opened the door, smiled and said "Oh good, Christians!" They didn't stop running until they got to the end of the block.

0

Having grown up in the Mormon church I loath it.

2

Replace your doorbell with this multipurpoe devise.

0

So then what happened? What did you do to get them to leave? I tried speaking to them to Chinese, but that didn't work. I just closed the door.

0

LOL! Perfect speech to them!

0

Sad really... It shows how easily kids are brainwashed.

1

I grew up Mormon and converted a few missionarries into listening to some light Mettallica and AC/DC.... After them, the others gave me the creeps....

1

Reminds me of the play "Book of Mormon". ...lol.

1

I feel sorry for the poor kids....they never had a chance,
A couple young men came by my place and I invited them in...we cruised around on the internet and I had the feeling they were getting uncomfortable because everytime they said somethimg? I googled it! They actually learned something about an ancient language. I invited them back and they never showed.

2

This is still amazing to me! They behave as if we have been waiting with anticipation for them! They give off an aura of...I have come with the greatest thing that you want turn down! And, when you resist, they seemed shocked! How could we not want what they are peddling? They are so naive...like they are so 'pure' and were sent out on a mission, to suck up others, into their imprisoning Idealogy!

1

Funniest thing I read all week! Boss missionary...lol.

I think they are called elders...

Yep. Elders are the ones that get to wear special underwear.

@Holysocks, yeah, they told me that once. I looked the kid straight in the eye and told him I was old enough to be his mother.

2

3 no trespassing signs - I wouldn't have been so nice.

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