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I don't understand why dating has to be so hard for me. I always find someone i like and they play with my heart, play severe mind games with me, are emotionally unavailable, immature, or something. Its never easy for me. Im getting tired of being single.

Snuzz 4 Apr 19
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I gave up looking for a girl friend and when I did I found the love of my life. I think there is something about not being able to find something looked for. Things get found when you are not looking for them.

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For me it's my age and no one close

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When I eventually realized I was a magnet for dirtbags, I stopped looking for a partner. Alone is not the worst thing that one can be.

Deb57 Level 8 May 5, 2020

An interesting subject for research. I stopped ever-so-politely suggesting to some women why their profile content might be the very finest dirtbag-bait long ago when I discovered they didn't actually care... they generally wanted what they wanted and weren't afraid to put it right out there. I keep my mouth shut now. But the answers are always hiding in plain sight in the profile.

Just asking, have you ever tried to have a conversation with a person you got bad vibes from. Asking as I discovered many years ago that if I get a bad feeling the first time I meet someone they will become good friends. It is the ones I immediately like that get me in trouble. So far it has worked every time.

@mtnhome I'm never afraid of feedback. In the past two years I have done some delving into what it might be about me that keeps getting me stuck with that predatory personality type, and some of it has been very enlightening. It just happens that there is a personalty type that predators hone in on the most, and it turns out to be people with what are generally considered better-than-average character traits. If, however, your ever-so-polite observations smacked of victim blaming, that might explain why women didn't seem to care what you had to say.

@mtnhome, @dalefvictor The difference is that women are conditioned from a young age to expect to be made to feel uncomfortable by men, and to suppress or ignore that feeling. That means we often can't trust the vibes we pick up. That, coupled with the fact that emotional predators often tend to be very skilled at pretending not to be emotional predators, can mean we have no protective frame of reference.

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Try to find someone you would choose to be friends with if they were not "the opposite sex".....then you can get all in love with a good person you enjoy being around!
And become aware of how you find others attractive if they show signs you have seen before, and RUN from them!

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The words I notice are "I always find someone". My point being that you are making that choice and until you learn to do that differently nothing will change.

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Yea. There are too many man-childs that play games and act like they hate games and dishonesty but all they do is lie and play games. I keep hoping as men age they do less of this shit and outgrow it. But from stories from older ladies here, my odds are not going to get any better! heh

Nope... I suspect strongly that age does not change the odds. A person of character, M or F, generally remains true to that character throughout life. Liars, cheaters and abusers don't just act that way for a short time and then "grow up". It's a way of life they learn. They find that there are shortcuts to what they want and they're not concerned with leaving a trail of destruction. They're not willing to pay the full price for what they want or take. Works the other way, too. My dad was kind, respectful, loyal, and honest to his last breath at age 96. You may need to look for a different kind of man.

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You're a unique individual... maybe just a tad more unique than many others. Keep in mind that you're only attracted to say, one-in-50? Or 2%? Somewhere in there? It's a math thing. They're working with odds like that, too. We ALL are. The more unique we are and the more unique our desired partner is, then the chances are lower and lower that a particular person WE might THINK we like, will like us back to the same degree. Hate to say it, but the most successful daters are probably those closer to the middle of the age, size and norm averages... and they find a match within that same pool. Those of us at the far ends in age, size, uniqueness... well we struggle a bit more. It's NOT their fault that they don't respond the way you want... it's just the MATH. We each may need to try a little harder to be the person that THEY want us to be. And then there's the location factor. 😟

I find the problem is being something that you are not. Only when I let down all my filters did I find what was in front of me. The Universe is not structured so that it will make sense to you. Open up, be who you are, and let the world come to you.

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Not all of us do that but we are overlooked frequently

bobwjr Level 10 Apr 19, 2020
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Join the club! I find that I'm not attracted to men my age. I live in North Carolina and most of the men over 50 I either rednecks or Trump supporters. The men I am attracted to are usually a case of Arrested Development. Men who are in their 50s who are looking for30 year old goth kittens.

I don't but no one wants a old fart

@bobwjr I guess that's why they're a case of Arrested Development. In their minds they're still 25

@Kojaksmom mine isn't retired P.A.medical professional and alone, widower

@bobwjr Hey, if you think of and describe yourself as an old fart, then yeah... good matches might be scarce. But if you aim for a lady of substance about your own age and you act like a respectful man of substance about her age, then it might not be quite so difficult. I struggle a bit too, too, but I don't demean myself by describing myself as an old fart, even jokingly. And I stay within my own age range. I'm 70... and NOT an old fart. 😉

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It sounds like your radar is screwed up. If it happens the same way every time, I wouldn't think the issue is something that just so happens while you're dating, its who you're picking. Try something new. There was another interesting post on the same topic in the love and relationships forum earlier today.

I'm looking for someone that I have something in common with, who I'm compatible with, and lives nearby.

@Snuzz good luck then. I know online dating is tricky, and there are very few people who get a good result from it. Maybe those people just like to claim theres a secret way to do things, but they really just lucked out. But i still think you should look at yourself, and what youre doing/ not doing, because thssts the only common thread that you can control.

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