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When I gain 2 pounds more than I'm used to, I can't stand it. It's a constant reminder until I get rid of it. I look around me and see a lot of males with beer bellies. Are women OK with that now. Is that a sign of masculinity?
Also, I'm on-line trying to find a female playmate and I see a description full-figured. How is that different from obese?
When only a husband or a wife goes to seed, how does that affect the others desire for sex? I hear about women being ashamed of their weight and are no longer interested. How about men? In short, don't partners have a responsibility to maintain their sex appeal when they are committed to monogamy?
Just wonderin'.

dannydreamer 5 Sep 26

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It's all in your head , have seen pretty women who aren't worth anything and not so pretty who are worth it all


The last thing I worry about in a potential partner is his weight. Once i care about someone, I may want him to be healthier, but as far as looks go, I am not that shallow and wouldn't be interested in a man who was that shallow.

Deb57 Level 8 Oct 4, 2020

2 lbs. seems like a tight range, but to each their own.
I waver between best weight is 165....i feel my best, lightest on my feet. But I never seem to get there.
My goal now is to never grow out of my 32" inseam. Right now they are tight. SO I must be at my upper limit. This coming week will see my calorie intake adjusted.

twill Level 7 Sep 27, 2020

twill, I'm just 150# and 6'1" so it might be more noticeable to me. talkin to me 😀 5’ 10.5’’ and prettymuch consistently 150 lbs since highschool. Small as a child, that last year of HS was amazing! Have never looked my age.. Gave me fits for decades, now, it’s weird watching the faces of those when I tell them I was born in 57… ‘You look ten years younger,’ I’ll hear..

Parents are still going at 85 & 90, perhaps I’m be doomed to do the same 😕 If I find pants with a 33 waist, I want em 🙂

I’ve certainly noticed those who use criticizing obesity as a method of keeping themselves in check. Watched, or listened to my mother do that for..ever. Not cool, or how I want to be, but calling it as it is should at least feel safe ~

@dannydreamer I'm at an even 6' . And it seems above my recommended BMI range still. I would be over even at 165.

@dannydreamer You two sound like a perfect match!


You've been on the attack since the beginning of this thread. And you made my point. (It's the grossly overweight, out of shape people that do the body shaming. ) Thanks and have great day (starts with a 1,500 calorie breakfast)

@twill And the attack will continue on all bigots of any type, every time they post here. Another old con trick, accusing others of that of which you're guilty. You're not fooling anyone.


Addendum: Gotta say.. This really hit home later in the day, as I was preserving some digital photos of my daughters, and was able to see some they’d taken of my former longtime wife, their mother. She’d begun to let herself go.. Wondered why I was no longer eager… Became a spiraling dilemma, the less she got, the more she bitched, the less attractive she was, so the less she got 😕

Then, via facebook, I got a look at my last formal lover, after the divorce above.. My dog ... looks like she’s gained a hundred pounds! Eventually figured out I’d dodged a bullet, now, it seems I’d dodged a cannon ball! Unreal, and ..hideous beyond description…

I’ve never been fat, but one of two sisters proved ‘we’ have that capability. No, for all the shit you’ve predictably garnered with your honest assessment and concern here, you hit on a very important aspect of a long term R/S.

Varn Level 8 Sep 27, 2020

Likely neither of you will ever again have to concern yourselves with any of the very important aspects of long term relationships. How sad for both of you that you reached ages where you feel the need to omit your ages from your profiles without growing out of your very limited, superficial, judgmental, misogynistic view that women exist for your pleasure. The real problem with your position is that it poisons the social environment with yet another form of discrimination, but at least now we know what the two of you are made of.

@LovinLarge My first long-term R/S lasted thirty years, you? With a close friend of ours once saying, ‘at least you’ll never have to worry about her becoming fat,’ ‘just look at her mother.’ Apparently, she took after her Dad..

This apparently struck a nerve with you.. A wakeup call, perhaps? Not only do I not find fat attractive, it’s eventually deadly. Of the multitude of cancers women are susceptible to, why add morbid obesity?

My next plump little lover battled it our entire time together, nearly killing herself at some militaristic ‘fitness center,’ not eating after a certain time of day, while admitting, ‘I’m always hungry.’ Then let’s fuck! That worked … till her BPD got the better of us.. Now, she’s apparently given up. I haven’t. Ten years younger than me, she’d remained impressed.

Yup, going to waste at the moment.. But better than ending up with someone willing to go to pasture. I know how tuff it is, and it seems those who use food as an alternative to sex had been amazing lovers. But it’s their decision, their choice, and attempts to shame, goad, encourage or love them to health is beyond the capability of anyone else...

Seems you’re the judgmental one here. Have either of us gone after a fellow or female poster? You’ve outed your personality, not mine, or the OP. Actually - it was a far bolder move for either of us to speak truth to this issue than pile on to the PC comments of others.

Thanks, Varn and I really like your Thank DOG expression. My favorite and no one's ever called me on it. I wonder if they think it's a misspelling?

@Varn Sorry, just not that interested in what you have to say to read all that. So many of you old guys just can't seem to adapt to not being able to control women, which makes me greatly appreciative of those who have successfully made the transition.

@LovinLarge I posted my age just for you. You hit on a real important point. I expect women to control themselves.


With 80% of American middle-aged men obese or overweight (60% of women), I have given up finding a fit man my age with a healthy diet and lifestyle. Who still loves hiking.

"You can whip me into shape!" overweight men enthuse. What an offer.

"Hire a trainer," I reply. "You would resent me if I nagged. Only you can motivate yourself to exercise and eat right."

I figure if a man has not eaten healthy food nor exercised regularly for 40 years, he's not going to start now.

I agree with you on that point ,very highly unlikely, usually even health concerns do not motivate the majority of people


To be fair, you aren't really representative of the average woman your age. Both men and women are guilty of the failures you mentioned. Sadly, it's only men who are fair game for criticism in this area. If we talk about women in this way it's called fat shaming.


I love what British author Caitlin Moran wrote about:

The Pressure on Women To Stay Young

"So. Yes. We're all dying. We're all crumbling into the void, one cell at a time. We are disintegrating like sugar cubes in champagne. But only women have to pretend it isn't happening.

"Fifty-something men wander around with their guts flopped over their waistbands and their faces looking like a busted tramp's mattress in an underpass. They sprout nasal hair and chasm-like wrinkles, and go 'Ooof!' whenever they stand up or sit down.

"Men visibly age, every day -- but women are supposed to stop the decline at around 37, 38, and live out the next 30 or 40 years in some magical bubble where their hair is still shiny and chestnut, their face unlined, their lips puffy, and their tits up on the top third of the ribcage."

-- Caitlin Moran, “How to Be a Woman”

You gave up too soon. Become a biker, hiker and beat but on down to Florida.


Thanks for the compliment, Danny. I'm a passionate hiker. What do you mean by, "beat but on down to Florida"?

I'm appalled by man-children who want a mommy- doing all of the meal planning, cooking, cleanup, housework, laundry, etc. - and great sex. Forget it.

It's too much of a burden. Most older men want a nurse or a purse.

Am happy living alone.

@LiterateHiker Sorry for the misspelling. I meant to say beat BUTT on down to Florida.
I can't disagree with you, Hiker. I'm appalled with them too. My place is spotless, I'm financially independent a great cook, and baker. Glad you're happy. Maybe I should give up on finding a woman who's responsible for her health.
BTW, I hope I didn't seem to excuse guys with beer bellies. I'm amazed that their partners stay with them. I feel they've broken their vows.


Welp, you've screwed the lid off of that can of worms. As someone who has been body shamed by chain smoking, beer drinking, morbidly obese people, I'll tell ya danny, I no longer take pleasure in watching people slowly kill themselves and be miserable in the body they choose, where the only things that work are their bellies to fill, mouths to chew the cud and their assholes to shit it out.

twill Level 7 Sep 26, 2020

I expect they were actually integrity shaming you for not having any.

@LovinLarge right

Your painfully graphic description made me cringe Twill.




From your photo, it appears you've been around long enough to be able to tell the difference between "full-figured" and "obese". Yes - there is a difference. Though considering your obsession over two pounds, a whole lot of people may appear "obese" in your eyes ?
As far as who responds to what changes that may occur in their mates, and how they react, or not, varies so much between the people involved.

Sounds like perhaps you've led a very sheltered life based more on trivial values in others.

It's not about my eyes. Obese is a medical term with a specific definition.

@dannydreamer You spoke only of your opinion as seen through your eyes, referencing no medical definition.

@dannydreamer Thank you for proving my point.


2lbs doesn't even add up to a proper shit. If you lose your mind over something so terribly trivial, you may have bigger problems than a struggle to find a visually perfect mate. People find all different body types attractive. I prefer a man with some meat on his bones, and not too hard bodied. Both thin/bony and too hard bodied isn't all that giving in moments of extreme passion.

Have you ever been accused of exaggeration? I didn't lose my mind over 2 pounds and I don't require a perfect mate. I don't feel comfortable carrying extra weight and particularly in a monogamous relationship, I believe partners need to work at it and health is a huge part of it.

@dannydreamer You're a dishonest man. "Losing your mind" is a fair interpretation of "I can't stand it". How disorienting it must be for you losing the control you think you should have over women's bodies. Poor you.


I really hate to be the one to break this to you but men don't get to control women's bodies anymore. Further, you alone are responsible for your own sexuality. Most of us grew out of body shaming others as adolescents, what happened to you? (rhetorical)

By the way, you forgot to include your age in your bio.

I'm 76. How is that important? How did I body shame someone? By using the term full-bodied? That's their term not mine. Is using the term obese body shaming? Obese people are shaming their own bodies.

@dannydreamer Nothing about anyone else's body is any of your business. Things have changed a lot since you were born in the 40's but you have failed to adapt. Your time would be better spent addressing your own inadequacies than pointing fingers at others.

@LovinLarge Yeah Danny, just keep paying the higher insurance premiums and medical bills. You have no right to complain...Just pay, pay, pay.....

@twill evidence or stfu

@LovinLarge LOL Are you that fucking ignorant???

@twill Support your claim with evidence or you are a liar.

@LovinLarge hmmmm. It's how insurance works...? you not know basic economics?

@twill You made the factual claims that Danny's insurance premiums and medical bills are higher because other people are overweight. The onus is on you to support your factual claims with evidence if you want it to be credible. I realize that you probably have no idea what evidence is but the burden remains. Provide supporting evidence or everyone will know you're a liar.

@LovinLarge []

(One link out of hundreds )

@LovinLarge What has changed since the 40's is the obesity epidemic. I suggest that you get your head out of the ass of the culture war . Open your eyes instead of your mouth

@twill Now try providing a link that proves your claim, Einstein.

@twill Nothing to do with anyone else's body is any of your business, bigot.


if you demand perfection you are going to be lonely. Period.

Plus - if he demands perfection - it's only fair that he has that to offer - which is clearly not the case ... (smile)

I'm demanding responsibility, not perfection even though I probably expect it of myself.

Taking care of each other seems to be the point of an LTR. If one can't or won't take care of themselves, then it's not likely they will take care of you either.

As enablers do, they are more likely to drag you down, than raise you up


Sure. Men should try to keep looking like they're 24 and so should women. It's just not fair on us men that after bearing a few kids and breastfeeding them that women let their bodies get all unappealing and non sexy.

I'll take that as the sarcasm that is clearly intended.

@TomMcGiverin Then you'll be taking it correctly.


Very much feel the same.. But talk too much reality around here and you’ll eventually step on everyone’s toes 😕 There should be a planet for us 🙂

I can get a fruit, or this particular year, a ‘garden belley’ this time of year, keeping my homegrown tomatoes, squash or sweet peppers from ‘going to waste.’ But nothing a couple days working in that garden won’t burn off. And yes, those guys looking as if they’ve swallowed a watermelon, waddling around in ‘long shorts.’ wow...

No, the nation’s let itself go.. Both mentally, and physically 😟

Varn Level 8 Sep 26, 2020

Enjoy the veggies, Vern. Plus eating them really helps.

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