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Hi, so I had a sad day. My sisters and I decided to take our mom off of all of her meds today. She was on a blood clot medicine and without that she will most likely have a stroke. It's really a bittersweet day but she is just out of control at the nursing home trying to escape all the time it's just never ending. The doctor agreed we were doing the right thing even though it's a very difficult decision to make. We have to keep reminding ourselves that we're doing it out of love because she's not living a quality life. It's really very sad.

By Presley12097
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42 comments

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8

Dementia? I'm very sorry for what you are going through.

I'm betting if she were in her right frame of mind she'd thank you for your compassion.

RavenCT Level 9 Apr 12, 2018

Yes, dementia. She would. She always said to call dr. Kevorkian if she ever got this disease. Thank you for your kind words as well

@Presley1209 Try to really remember that in the days ahead - keeping to someone's wishes can be rough - but you are doing absolutely the right thing.

4

I cannot imagine how any of you are feeling.
I do not have any adequate words, but I am sad for you and hope that everyone involved has a lessening of their sufferings.

Thank you. I just told my brother and he was just sobbing. Heart breaking here.

4

The experience of dealing with elderly parents can be some of the most difficult in our journeys. I wish your mother peace and hope you and your family find comfort in this difficult time.

Oh, thank you I do appreciate it. It is difficult but hopefully she will be at peace soon. I will miss her.

@Presley1209 We lost mom and dad in '15. While we still obviously miss them, my sister and I have become closer through the experience. A blessing in a weird way. Which is most likely the way mom and dad would want it. All the best.

@JohnPR1968 Thank you so much. My dad passed in 2011 and then my nephew a few months later. I never felt so close to my family. Sad that death will bring us together.

3

Think, "would mom want to live like this? Unaware & tortured in mind?" Yes, its hard, I know, from experience. But you lost your mom a while ago. Now, there is this tortured stranger driving her body. You & your sister are, in my opinion, doing the right thing & doing it together. My mother is in a very similar state. I have 2 older sisters who are "believers" & feel that our mother's suffering is "God's plan" & makes her "more Christ-like".

@WizardBill yes, i am well aware of it & things have progressed to a point that my oldest sister has walked away, I have been pushed out, my next oldest sister lives in Colorado is "to far away to be any help", & the sister that has power of attorney moved my mom to a different state with her, got the court involved & a guardian ad litum has been appointed to represent my mother's best interest. It is a certified cluster fuck & i can't do jack shit as the state my mother is in is the buckle of the bible belt states & I am a heathen.

I know she would not want this, she made that clear years ago. Your sisters sound like a real treat. Sorry you have to deal with that. Thank you.

3

Oh gosh. So hard. That's a really difficult decision. My thoughts are with you.

MrLink Level 8 Apr 12, 2018

Thank you so much. Its whats best for her. She never wanted to live like this.

@Presley1209 me either.

3

I'm sorry to hear this. I hope it isn't too hard on you.

I'm handling it better than I thought I would be. Thank you for your kind words.

@Presley1209 No problem.

2

I share your sadness and laud your courage. It's not pleasant or easy, but it's how thing go. Treasure her memory and live a testimony to the good in her.

Tompain1 Level 7 Apr 12, 2018
2

We had to do that with my mom also. She was only 51, but she had premature dementia caused by multiple sclerosis. She was bed-ridden and her quality of life was non existant. It was a very hard decision to make, but even now I know it was the right decision. She never would have wanted to live like that if she could have made the choice herself. Peace be with you.

Oh that is so sad! Thank you.

2

So understand what you're going through. Hope you make it through with the least amount of horribleness possible. My sympathies.

kmdskit3 Level 8 Apr 12, 2018

Thank you. Its the worst thing ever.

@Presley1209 Sending ehugs. smile001.gif

2

I fully appreciate how bad this feels...taking matters into our own hands, about the care and fate of a loved one, is the hardest thing anyone will ever have to do. That is, if you believe everyone has a right to make his own choices. I have had to help make the decision to 'pull the plug,' on my brother and it was the hardest thing that I have ever done! In your situation, there is a possibility that adverse reactions from meds, could be contributing to the problem. I have friends, where that was the case. My heart goes out to you...

It just sucks. Thank you for your support.

@Presley1209 it will get better...with time! But it changed me for the better! My best...

1

im sorry, my family just went thru a similar battle, half wanting 2 keep my uncle alive(some just for his check) and some wanting to let him go. in the end we did take him off life support and he looked peaceful for the first time in a long time. hope you are as ok as you can be given the situation

Byrd Level 7 Apr 13, 2018

I'm okay. Its so difficult to watch her suffer. Thank you.

1

There is living and existing so I agree with you. I believe you should be able to be euthanised like you would a loved pet.

I know right? Stupid bible belt and government. We should all have the right to die.

fuck yes

1

What a daunting challenge and experience. I am so glad we share this community so I can respond and offer human-driven support.

I know from my own exerience that it's really tough when generational roles shift and you/we step up as responsible for our parents and other elders. Two things I want to offer as reminders to provide perspetive:

1.  When you do what you have to as your elders reach what is inevitable, you do them the service of sparing them doing it for you--which would be even more excruciating for them. Take comfort in dealing with the 'natural' order. You are sparing them unbearable, unspeakable agony. Take comfort in that.
2.   Nobody gets out of this game alive. Winning isn't not dying. Winning is living a gratifying/satisfying life--and each of us has to do that on our own.
suzieg Level 4 Apr 12, 2018

Thank you for sharing that! It speaks volumes!

1

Tough decision, but probably the correct one. My best to you and your sisters. When she passes, remember the good times and move on.

tioteo Level 7 Apr 12, 2018
1

I'm so sorry. But, as others have said better than I could, you're doing the right thing by her.

Thank you, we think so too.

1

I'm so sorry. I know there's nothing, really, any of us can do. But know that others care. Hugs to you and yours. <3

SweetHarp Level 6 Apr 12, 2018

You are very sweet, thank you so much!

1

It is very sad. Dealing with aged parents is one of the hardest things in the world. Many of us can truly empathize. You did the right thing.

Thank you, I appreciate that.

1

As a man of age 81, I empathize with your mother. I will end my own life before I will go into a nursing home.

wordywalt Level 8 Apr 12, 2018

I don't blame you at all for that. I will too. Thank you!

1

Dementia is awful. Saw both my father's parents and my maternal grandfather and my father in law go through it and my father is showing initial signs of it at 74. You are doing the right thing.

jperlow Level 7 Apr 12, 2018

Its the worst and thanks for your support.

1

It is very sad, and you are very brave doing what you feel is right for your family

HeraTera Level 7 Apr 12, 2018

Thank you so much.

1

Sounds like you have made the correct choice for her.

1

I'm so sorry baby girl! I'm off tomorrow. I'll probably sleep all day. Stay strong love! I will hit you tomorrow.

chollygee Level 4 Apr 12, 2018

Okay, thank you.

1

So terribly sorry to hear this. Both of my parents are gone now but it was never wady seeing them age. It is truly sad.

TomDebarr Level 2 Apr 12, 2018
0

I hear you and I certainly understand. My step father was so afraid of dying in a nursing home that he deliberately made it hard for any one of us to have power of attorney over him. Then, because he could only walk with a cane, he fell and broke his hip. This brought about a long ordeal that finally ended well with my daughter as his POA. He's in a good nursing home and has dementia. I went through hell doing all the legal leg work for this and I know he thinks that I hate him. It's not so.

Recently he got angry with them and threatened to leave. He told my daughter about it and she told him he could not walk. His reply was "has anyone around here ever heard of a cane?"

DenoPenno Level 8 May 28, 2018
0

Such a shame there's not a better way than the uncertainty. Hopefully one day all Countries will have a better answer for people that are at end of life. Best wishes to you and your family at the time of this difficult choice.

Thank you but she passed a week ago today. I know she's better off now.

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