I have never had sexual intercourse with a man I did not have some pretty tender feelings for and at the age of 56, I'm not going to change that aspect of myself. Sex for me is an expression of a deeper emotional bond. If I just want to get off, I can do it by myself in a couple of minutes. That's the hard truth of the matter. Sex for me has always been a true coupling of persons who have come to appreciate and care for each other, not two separate individuals rubbing their body parts against each other trying to make a spark.

"It's easier emotionally to just stay single than the roller coaster of hope, disappointment". You just answered your own question. Get on with life, develop friendships, hobbies, live your life. If new love is meant to be, it will happen.

I am truly baffled by men around my age. Every man who has asked me out is obsessed with sex. A few times, we have only gotten as far as talking on the phone and they ask me how long before I would have sex, do I give blow jobs, will I walk around the house and yard nude, what is my favorite position., and on and on. My answers are never, no, no, and you will never find out. What is wrong with them? They have all turned into nasty old horn dogs. Are they crazy, worried about their sexual prowess, senile, rude? If any old men know the answer, please enlighten me. They don't even find out my last name, or what my interests are, or just have a couple of dates and get to know me. It is straight to sex, even when they have never laid eyes on me. I like sex as well as the next person, but I am not, in the slightest bit, interested in men who act like this.

I don't know what anybody wants anymore. But seriously, what you are getting at seems to be a problem for many of us. Sex is a good thing in the proper time and place, but this late in the game (I'm 68 ), it is certainly not paramount, imho.

I was on a couple dating sites for 2 or 3 months, and it was very frustrating. I have criteria, as you do, that are in my case, common interests, including fairly rigorous recreational activities, like hiking, mountainbiking, etc. But I kept getting contacted by ladies who were often not only older than me, but obviously not in any sense of the word athletic.

I never put the word "sex" in any of my bios or correspondence, and never had anyone mention it to me. I think it's mostly horny guys with few filters that do that.

I have solved the issue this way.
I am staying single.
I spend time with a number of ladies, some for a coffee and movie,
a couple maybe a weekend away, platonic, just good company. These ladies I consider off limits for sex, they have either not expressed any interest, or stated no interest. End of story.
I have some other lady friends, who I do the same things with, but who ocassionally want more than a snuggle, not often, but every now and then.Sadly none of these ladies are sufficiently compatible to be potential relationship material. Now the tricky bit. I do feel an obligation towards all of these ladies, to maintain the friendships at the level they are. There is a lot of mutual support, caring for a sick dog, taking them to hospital if necessary, being plus 1 at a function. This would stop me from being able to develop a one on one relationship with a lady. I don't think I could just drop my friends, and I am certain if I was considering a relationship it would be expected.
But hey, I will have a full table at scrabble, bingo, trivia whatever at the nursing home.
Not the solution you would be looking for, but it is my solution for me.

My experiences included some that matched what you speak of, and others that didn't . Those were all from online sites. Then, dontcha know, I met someone in real life, who has so far, after two months ended up being far deeper than that, and a really good guy. However, now I find myself at the opposite end of the spectrum, as he's already mentioned marriage ... eek. Seeking balance and reason in a partner is quite the challenge ! Hang in there !

I get what you are saying. A number of years ago I started seeing this guy and he was awkward. Both physically and socially yet the sex was surprisingly mind blowing. I will say that he did not speak of sex when we first started hanging out together.

I have never had a strong sex drive so I was surprised at how much of it we had but outside of sex there was nothing there. I think we lasted 3 months before his non sexual behavior overcame the sexual gratification

So yeah, sex is icing.

I've chosen to stay single.
My pursuit of a relationship has ended. It's a relief, and I'm really okay with being alone.
Everyone has to come to their own conclusions about these things.
I prefer my roller coasters be confined to amusement parks.

Oh how I feel ya on this one! And you're right, sex should be the icing on the cake, not the batter. Been over a decade since another adult has hugged me, or told me they love me. Pretty much numb at this point, but I'd still rather be part of a healthy partnership than be alone, but I'll keep being alone instead of settling, if that makes sense.

It's like digging for gold. If you want to find that guy keep looking. Unfortunately you have to Wade through a sea of dick pics and perverts. Its not easy for guys either except women don't send us nudes. Well maybe they do but I don't ask for them. I'd rather establish a mental and emotional connection..

I don't have any suggestions.....I'm as dazed and confused as you are. If someone offers some decent advice please share lol.

I think there are men out there that want the same things as you, and in similar order. Mother Nature often gets in the way of that - but only if one allows her. Both people must be of similar mindset, smart enough to know that “it takes time to get to know someone” (and someone’s mindset).
In my experience base, it sometimes becomes a “damned if you do, damned if you don’t”. If a man DOESNT show a sexual interest “soon enough”, the woman thinks he is not interested in her - and quits the development. Can’t predict how one will be, or how two will be together.
So I’m of the mindset that “it takes time” to get to know someone well enoug - but it’s worth it. Just wish there were more of similar persuasion...
but they are out there!

I met a fellow member a couple of months ago. I was looking for all the above.No chemistry. Without that none of the above is moot. I just do what feels good now.

Most cis hetero males only pay attention to women for one reason..to get laid. Since most of them want to have sex with most females, their lust is NOT flattering.

Meanwhile, most cis, hetero women put up with sex to get love, affection, support, cuddling, etc.

One thing I did on dating profiles was to state clearly, "I don't do casual sex," and to delete anyone who brings it up. I also defriend anyone on Facebook who does the same.

When men think of women as only a means to their OWN pleasure, that's insulting, whereas most cis hetero men would feel flattered if a woman saw them in a sexual light, instead of wanting to know what they do for living, their hobbies, their characters, etc.

I haven't read all the comments so i hope this isn't repetitive. Stop for a bit. Do something you have always wanted to do - take a class, or a trip (go with a singles group if you don't want to travel alone), go to a play.... be selfish! Then look again if you like.

I would suggest that paraps you are looking for several people. Why give up on finding the jack of all trades when they tend to be the masters of none? Dial your expectations back a bit and seek some of each catagory. Just a thought.

I don’t have any suggestions or answers, but why do you think that one can get sex any time, anywhere?

Hang in there. You'll find a real man or two. They're out there.

Have you tried Meetup.com?, it's free and it's about shared interests and not dating (although there are groups that do that as well). Good luck ?

Hmmm.i guess it has to be someone with shared interests, and at the same stage in their life, who are also looking for a partner and a friend. Cuz if it starts with a friendship and partnership, he's gonna find it hard and feel lonely to go back alone. If they're emotionally available, right. And there should be common sense and no deal breakers, no drama, excessive mood swings, or other energy draining things,right? There's a Ted talk about that by a woman psychologist. Men get hooked by commitment/investment (she studied and found the old wisdom to be true, if you hold back sex until he commits, you have him. Give it right away and he's lost). women get emotionally hooked by sex/physical.
I know I'm probably young inexperienced and naive and preaching to the preacher, but hey my 2 cents. If you have something, enrich me

I struggle with this also. I love sex and lots if it. But it's not the only thing about me. But when a man finds this out all of a sudden that's the whole relationship. Then I get quickly bored and turned off. I have many layers.

Because of this issue, I'm timid to move forward now. I'm timid to reveal my true self.

I am in exactly the same place. Most women i meet want sex too! Hard to find anyone wanting more!

I agree with U Karen. It seems all men want is to to Fuck me, then get up, get dressed and get out. So disappointing.

That's why I'm not on any dating sites.

Sex is good, but it's not the only thing. In fact (for me) it's not the most important thing.

I'm in a situation right now, that since I've desired to be in a relationship since last year after many years of abstaining, that I met a man that I've been very happy getting to know. And now we're at a place where we desire each other but still don't know if it's a relationship, and I'm feeling that I certainly want to move forward physically - it's very strong between us - but don't want that to become the primary focus. I'm feeling very torn, because it's been such a long time since I've desired anyone, but I don't want to see that getting in the way of having a real connection. I'm just trying to feel my way through this and see where it goes.