"Welcome my brothers and sisters..... Today.... we're going to learn how to smoke the perfect pork chops....."

Pardon my saying so, but wouldn't that end up just being another TED talk?

It would be a good chance to try out any standup material I might have. Some religious sermons are unintentionally hilarious (to me at least), so I think it would be good to drop the pretense and just try to be funny. Think how George Carlin ( a favorite from another thread here ) would go about it. It would be something to aspire to, at least.

Fire and brimstone! The religious want to kill you and all who follow! We must rise up against our oppressors! One voice united with the goal of true freedom! No more fear of public perception! No more fear of being outed in the work place! Unite! Together we can get representation in Congress! Change laws back to the way it was prior to religious persecution!
Something like that.

I would try to make it educational. Have speakers on critical thinking and skepticism. Have lectures about various subjects like philosophy, science, literature. Make it like the salons of the old days where people got together to discuss politics and current events. I personally don't feel the need for ritualized community events, but if there was something like this near me, I'd consider going occasionally.

I would bill it as "The Sermon on The Mount" and it would be about plate tectonics.

I think a sermon about burning in hell for being an atheist followed by hymn No 666 Highway To Hell

Since the term simply means no belief, such a service could be about anything.I would love to see one of good times, of rousing music with some horns and a good set of drums. Some jazz, some blues and some good old fashion rock to get everyone feeling good!

Compassion. Fairness and reciprocity. Making the most of the short life you were given.

"Forced" is the operative keyword here. I have spent my life looking for simple profundities and only finding mixed metaphors and weirdly interacting paradoxes. I would not pretend to lead others to some imagined promised land.

I miss the community feel of church. I have started to attend “freethinkers “ luncheons here in ABQ. My favorite conversations are those that have nothing to do with atheism.....to me, conversing about non-belief is almost tantamount to yet another “religion “? I do not impose my views on another.

IDK 'bout the sermon, but I'd pass the offering plate around early in the service and send the deacons to liquor store for the after service "fellowship" refreshments.

Think! Reason! Question! Live today & everyday as the only days we have!

Education and peace

Awesome and hilarious ideas but I do wish there was something sorta like this because the one thing I miss about church is the community.

It would look a lot like a TEDTalks and would feature lectures by promenade scientists, philosophers, thinkers... anyone can join and note taking is encouraged. All for free... There would be time for questions & comments later... and an informal meet and greet afterwards with snacks and drinks.

If you've ever been to a secular or free thought convention....wouldn't be much different

I attended a Unitarian Universalist church for several years. Its services were Atheist, mostly.

I eventualy quit going because I'm an ex-Christian and the "churchiness" gave me the creeps. But the UU's are very nice people.

So what the 60s we're like.

I never really gave it much thought, but I sure do like and agree with the very last part of your post That gives whole new meaning to the term "service"

You could pass the condoms out in collection plates!

"God in the Hands of Angry Sinners" : Open Mic day at church. Everyone in the congregation gets 5 minutes to do some some stand up comedy in making fun of church, christians, God, etc. The one that is determnined the funniest gets the 20% of the offering that isn't spent on booze.

Two word sermon: go home

I would like to meet whomever this "forcer" is......