Bingo!!

I agree with a lot of that and have never had a hard time being my own best company (not to mention having sole control of the thermostat), but I think the gist is being alone while single, so is having a girlfriend really single? Granted, having a girlfriend who doesn't mind the times you need solitude is the best of both worlds, but the option to not be alone is always at your fingertips.

Hi @Lauren. So, this is probably a lot more backstory than you want, but I was single for about 20 years. In the first few years after college, I just wasn't meeting anyone I clicked with and I wasn't okay being single. I spent a lot of time online looking for someone I really connected with, as I'd had no luck in my rural community, but nothing ever worked out. After a while, though, I resigned myself to it. For the last several years, I didn't feel the need to be coupled, and I didn't really want it. But a couple of years ago I met someone with whom I shared a lot in common and things just fit. Being single for 20 years, though, leaves a mark, so the transition hasn't been without some challenges. But things feel good at present. If I find myself single again, though, I would be okay once more with only my own company.

Hi @resserts. I'm glad things are going well and that you've found the ideal situation (or close to it) for you and your girlfriend. Intellectually, it would be interesting to know if your relationship changes your feelings about being alone when single but, of course, I wouldn't wish that on you.

I share your feelings about solitude. One of the first indicators that my late husband was "the one" is that even though we were together 24 hours a day, we felt that we could be alone with ourselves even when we were together. And yet being with each other is what we most enjoyed. I've toyed with other relationships but I would end up feeling stifled, which leads to resentment, so being alone is preferable to that. I'm not pining away, but I would really like to have that connection again because I think it's even better than solitude.

@Lauren I feel like ~20 years of being single made a pretty heavy impression on who I am today, and I don't think I'd feel a lot different if I were suddenly single. That's not to say I wouldn't miss a lot about my girlfriend; there's definitely an upside to being partnered, especially when you truly like the person you're with. But I think my perspective in a multitude of ways has shifted away from "woe is me" to "c'est la vie." I've always been rather stoic, and I've grown more so as I get older.

I'm sorry that you lost your husband. It's tragic to be without the person with whom you fit so well. I think it's hard to find someone that has a key personality complement like that, where being together feels effortless.

I know what you mean about feeling stifled. I can't deal with anyone needing my undivided attention all the while. I need a break, to recharge, to look inward, to just be alone with my thoughts. I know my girlfriend needs more attention than I do so I try to strike a balance, but it's nice to have time apart, too. I'm far too introverted to be able to spend every minute of free time with another person.

@resserts It's good to know yourself as well as you obviously do, and you seem to have found a lifestyle that accommodates you best, so that’s very cool. It seems a much healthier way to live than diving into less-than-satisfying relationships with the hopes that one of them works itself out. As long as “c’est la vie” is more philosophical than accepting of life thwarting your true desires.

I think I’m tremendously versatile as far as relationship nuts and bolts are concerned, and willing to compromise as you and your girlfriend have, but I need to be with someone who clicks with me enough that I don’t feel the need to escape from them. Until then, I’ll stick with my independence.

Or a boring husband.

@BlackDove I’ve always been exciting.

Exactly!