Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually, she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping,
“Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?” When Mary didn’t stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear.
“God Almighty !” shouted Mary and the teacher said, “Very good” and Mary fell back to sleep.
A while later the teacher asked Mary, “Who is our Lord and Savior?” But Mary didn’t even stir from her slumber.
Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. “Jesus Christ!” shouted Mary and the teacher said, “Very good,” and Mary fell back to sleep.
Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, “What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?”
And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, “If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I’ll break it in half!”
The Teacher fainted
Charlotte was walking her dog one day when she was approached by the Town Vicar. "Well good morning Charlotte, how are you this fine day?" Charlotte looked up at the Vicar and smiling sweetly said, "Fine Vicar". The Vicar then said, "And how pretty you look today". To which Charlotte blushed and giggled and said, "Well thank you Vicar". The Vicar looked down at her dog who was obediently sitting at her feet and said, " Oh, what a well mannered and good looking dog you have there". Charlotte nodded and grinned ear to ear proudly, and thanked him for the compliment. "And what is your good doggies name Charlotte?" Charlotte looked at the Vicar with beautiful, blue, sweet eyes and said, " His name is Porky". A quizzical look came over the Vicars face and he said, "What an unusual name for a dog, I don't believe I have ever heard of a dog being named Porky before...and why did you choose that name for him if I may ask?" "I didn't name him, my daddy named him sir". "Hmm, whatever would convince someone to name a dog Porky I wonder", said the Vicar. Charlotte looked at her dog sitting at her feet, then looked up at the Vicar with her beautiful blue eyes, and said, "I heard daddy tell mommy one night that he was going to call the dog Porky...because...he likes to fuck pigs!"
I liked one told at the end of The Vicar of Dibley. Two nuns and the Mother Superior all died in an auto accident. They approached the Gates of Heaven where St. Peter greeted them. St. Peter told them that in order to pass through the gates, they would need to answer a simple question. He turned to the first nun and asked, "Who was the first humam?" The nun quickly responded, "Adam!" And St. Peter said, "Very Good. You may pass through the gates into heaven." Turning to the second nun, St. Peter asked, "What creature tempted Eve?" And the second nun answered, "It was the snake!" St. Peter said, "That's right. You may pass through the gates into heaven." Now St. Peter turns to the Mother Superior and says, "As the Mother Superior, you are expected to know a bit more about spiritual matters so your question will be a bit more difficult. Are you ready?" The Mother Superior took a deep breath and says, "Ready!" St. Peter asks her, "What did Eve say the first time she saw Adam?" The Mother Superior frowned, bit her lip, and said, "Now, that is a hard one!" St. Peter said, "Excellant! You may pass through the gates into heaven."