21 25

I’ll bet there were only like 3 commandments until Moses’ wife got involved.

By Duke
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21 comments

10

Oh come on, didn't you watch History of the World Part 1??

Remi Level 6 May 16, 2018

The Lord sounds like Trump.

That’s Ace πŸ˜‚

8

grabs popcorn

I'll bring the candy...

I don't see it happening.
Duke is harmless and enjoyable.

Even I know that.

7

I always felt the god of the OT overlooked some really good ideas to base commandments on. For example, instead of that ridiculous adultery one (because there are far worse things to worry about than adultery), I have a better one in mind- thou shalt not act like thine horse's ass. The christian fundies could have really benefitted from that one, as most of them are, well, a horse's ass. Good post.

SpikeTalon Level 8 May 16, 2018

The adultery thing was of vital importance in the ancient world, because it could influence the line of succession, the very reason that, even well beyond the medieval period, the queen's giving birth was an event attended by enough of the court to ensure that the new royal baby had not been switched or any similar shenanigans pulled.

7

Bring home the bread
Take out the trash
Wash feet every week!

6

Prepare for the wrath that surely commeth!

Clauddvon Level 6 May 16, 2018

What, another swarm of locust?

5

I am enjoying my beer thanks. Won't get involved in this one ?

VAL3941 Level 7 May 16, 2018
5

Yeah and that story never happened. The real Moses was an Egyptian pharaoh

The whole story of the Hebrews enslaved by the Egyptians was made up. It never happened .

Edited

There likely was no real Moses, jwd is correct the Egyptians didn't generally use slaves and especially not on holy sites.

There's a good chance that one or more of Akhenaten's (the Pharoah who tried to convert Egypt to monotheism) excommunicated priests or followers hooked up with Bedouins in the desert and that was the origin of the early hybrew faith.

Also his name was taken from the original name ofJamosa. Pronounced Yamusa. My son is a huge history buff and is giving me this information. smile001.gif

4

Wasn't it Constantine's mum ? Moses could have fobbed off his missus ....fucksake he convinced her he wasn't lost for 40 years !!!

Simon1 Level 7 May 16, 2018

nNice one

4

Wasn't it Constantine's mum ? Moses could have fobbed off his missus ....fucksake he convinced her he wasn't lost for 40 years !!!

Simon1 Level 7 May 16, 2018
4

Like the vicar who thought someone from his parish had stolen his bike. So decided on Sunday to reinforce the Ten Commandments.
It’s only when he got to No7
That he remembered where he left his bike.

Storybook Level 5 May 16, 2018

Haaaaahahaha!!!

4

Always our fault...i would have only don't kill don't steal

.

gigihein Level 6 May 16, 2018
3

Thou shalt not leave dirty dishes in the sink.
Thou shalt not leave the cap off the toothpaste
Thou shalt not ignore your partner when she is talking to you.
Thou shalt not forget to notice your partner's new hair style.
Thou shalt not forget that a good sense of humor helps in many situations

Somehow you forgot the toilet seat down commandment?

@Dave75 oh no!!! How could I miss that one

3

HA!ha!
I’m passing this on to my fundamentalist son!

Edgeward Level 5 May 16, 2018
2

Like actually, like there were like, 640 per the Dead Sea Scrolls. Like that was, when Moses joined like, the Republicans, & like wanted to like control, like of everyone's personal behavior. After it was like, condensed to like 10, another should like be added, to refrain from like filling pauses, with such words as "like, you know" & other repetitive discourse annoying language trends. Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife without consent of all parties. Thou shalt not kill unless protecting oneself & others. Tho shalt not steal unless its land belonging to another peoples. Blah blah blah.

Haaaaahahaha! Thanks for the tip. I claim literary license to use the vernacular of my local people ( or "peeps" ) when expressing myself in written dialogue.

Edited
2

See what can be accomplished when there's bipartisanship! lol smile001.gif

atheist Level 8 May 16, 2018

Oh boy

2

Thou shalt not touch me when I have a headache!

twshield Level 8 May 16, 2018
1

The late, great George Carlin's "analysis" of "The 10 Commandments" reworked all 10 into just TWO (with an additional one at the end!). Please watch it on YouTube! smile009.gif

1

Huh, that's not sexist at all /s

Well, of course I hope you take into consideration that it's a joke about characters and events that I feel are completely fictitious. Being bothered by the sexism in this would be like being bothered by Disney's "Pocahontas" for not being historically accurate even though it's a cartoon... with a talking raccoon in it.

Having said that, I do apologize to anyone who takes offense to this.

Once you get to know me though, you'll see that I'm really good at offending people.

@Duke Keep trying, Dookie.

@Donotbelieve Ah, shit. I know I'm in trouble when you call me "Dookie" instead of "Dukie". I'm just gonna go ahead and put myself in a timeout now...

@Duke No way! Get your nose outta that corner.

You're a great person. I'm not offended in the least.

@Donotbelieve smile015.gif

@Duke back atcha

@Duke I actually thought it was funny. But that may be because I don't take myself all that seriously and I like fun. Uptight philosophy is exhausting

1

Must have found some good weed in the desert. Lit a bush on fire and it talked to him......rrrriiigght.

TimBowen Level 3 May 16, 2018

hides the fact that Moses did not fall to the ground prostrate, but "went over to investigate."
you were never supposed to believe a burning bush was real, see

Everything's burning on a volcano.... home of the Gods.

1

Probably lol, women tend not to grasp type compatibility with vocations.

DZhukovin Level 6 May 16, 2018
1

Sounds right maybe it was mrs god.

Marine Level 8 May 16, 2018
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