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I feel the need to call bullshit on the "No Drama" tagline I've seen on dating sites, and here, in the last few years. It comes from men and women (but mostly men, cuz those are the profiles I look at.)

What does "No Drama" mean to you? To me drama = excitement, adventure, passion, fun, interactive, strong emotion, change, and a bunch of other positive things. Of course, I'm a theater geek. I would be happy to have those things in a friendship or in a relationship.

What I'm NOT looking for in a friend or partner is someone with no drama, because to me that means no opinion, no passion, fear of engaging, fear of change/upheaval, unwillingness to argue/disagree. Is that honestly what YOU want? A life with no highs and no lows?

By Supercali6
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32 comments

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7

Having known a man who was the king of drama I kind of get it. Boring and bland does not do it for me, but a hour long performance over the fact that somebody put a slice of tomato in your hamburger when you clearly said you didn't want it is equally off putting. Something in between because "no drama" is taking it to an extreme, right up there with "no baggage" (didn't they have a life previously), or anybody that trots out "down to earth, good sense of humour"
.

Kimba Level 7 May 19, 2018

Yes the word is mis-used as drama drives home the ethic in question. ...these idiots have no clue about theatre or good cinema and obviously do not read good books....explosive personalities probably would suffice their intended search for predictable milktoast males with a large hour long penis

Yup, down to earth means stay inside your local church and vote for the unborn....circumcision or racist sexist "jokes" are not humorous

6

I've always seen the "nodrama" and "nobullshit" and "nobs" taglines as red flags. Usually, those who post those tend to be the ones creating the drama and bs... So I avoid them.

Benthoven Level 8 May 19, 2018

you know, this makes a lot of sense.

6

"No baggage", "no drama" usually means they've had a bad experience in the past and they don't want it again. Or it could also mean they don't want to have to care about anyone.

I refuse to work overtime interpreting various vague messages. ...when xians say I'm not religious, I have a personal relationship with geebush geehobah ghostHoles I can only say : " you are mentally ill, what cult brainwashed you ? "

6

Your definition of drama is very different from mine. For me drama means needy, high maintenance, and overreacting to every little problem. The inability to let things go. No, l don't want or need that in my life, EVER!

Sticks48 Level 9 May 19, 2018
6

I think what they're trying to say is that they aren't interested in your problems, don't care about your concerns, and don't want to be burdened by anything that doesn't affect them directly.

Read "No Drama" as "It's all about me."

JimG Level 8 May 19, 2018

Precisely.

@Ellatynemouth [en.wiktionary.org] definition 5

6

I agree with what you said, but I think there are varying definitions of drama... when it comes to passion? Yes, please! What is life without it? When it comes to unnecessary distress and upheavals due to lying and misrepresentation? No, thank you! I find with the latter, those who say they don't want that in their lives tend to be the biggest perpetrators of it!

Agreed passive agressive people do not take responsibility for their provocations. ...a fine example is EXPECTING but not asking for what one wants then punishing the victim mercilessly calling each insensitive slobs or whatever. ....automatic scripting relationship roles is another "no drama" bullshit verbiage. ...communication must be competent and intentional. ...meaning exactly what we say rather than interpretive bullshit

5

In this context, I think they mean needless, emotionally charged involvement in things better left alone. Like gossip, frienemies, pointless arguments, and generally starting/talking sh!t with or about others. At least, that's what it means to me...

Kafirah Level 8 May 19, 2018

Good description you give.
[en.wiktionary.org] definition 5

4

For me that means "no crisis" so I should explain that too. For some people everything is a crisis, like getting stuck in traffic for 2 minutes, or the hamburger is cooked medium rather than medium rare. And these particular incidents throw the person into trauma that takes a dramatic turn into a full blown drama worthy of the worst B movie ever. But I also know that there are men out there that "no drama' means you aren't supposed to ever get mad at them, question them in any way or disagree with them. Sometimes it just takes a while until you see where their scale of "no drama" lies.

I really like this view of drama, feels more accurate

Boys out of control in advanced "adult" ages ARE NOT MEN. ....boys want fucked or worse rape women like Bill Cosby rapes women. ...and girls who tolerate if not provoke "drama" from boys ARE NOT WOMEN. ...children are supposed to learn/model adult behaviors in school and functioning families....

Exactly!

4

Drama as it's usually referred to in relationships is shorthand for "bad drama". The dysfunctional, the unnecessary, the "extra", the psycho, immature, irrational, blowing things out of proportion.

Rossy92 Level 8 May 19, 2018

so in your opinion, is "no drama" typically aimed at women or men, or both equally?

@Supercali All I know is that it's a common theme in women's profiles I read. I don't read men's profiles

4

No "Who's Afraid of Virginia Woolf", been there and done that.

cava Level 7 May 19, 2018

yes, understood. also had me one of those relationships...ugg, not my best self. but I think real true drama brings out the best in me, not the worst of me. that other stuff? that's the crazy.

4

I don't have that tagline in my bio, but I think when people use it they don't mean they don't want to engage or want to be with a completely dispassionate person. I think it means they have had relationships in the past where their partner had numerous issues, perhaps was extremely needy, high-maintenance, or had other negative emotional problems. I agree with your "definition" of drama (through my kids, who are both involved in musical theater, I have been drafted. LOL!). =]

IAMGROOT Level 7 May 19, 2018

go Groot's kids!! (I think kids should influence their parents as much as their parents influence them.)

4

I agree. When I see "no drama" that says to me that the person doesn't really want to engage in any meaningful way.

3

No drama to me would mean they don't want a person in the middle of a contentious divorce. Or with major family issues, either children, parents, or siblings. Or it could mean drug or alcohol issues. In other words, in the middle of the plots of your average soap opera. Dram as entertainment is far more interesting than drama in real life.

3

I think the No Drama phrase in this case suggests the individual is without emotional baggage and easy to get along with. Yes, a relationship without drama in the theatrical social context would be a very boring relationship. No BS ?

arca2027 Level 6 May 19, 2018
3

Life comes with drama so I get your point. It is those people who create unnecessary drama that are best avoided.

Deanervin Level 6 May 19, 2018
3

Definition 5 at [en.wiktionary.org]
To wit, interpersonal relationship problems, issues, and crises that are contrived by a particular person.

bingst Level 8 May 19, 2018

This is correct. But it goes further when someone has problems or dynamics in their lives which cause indirect drama. Like a couple I know of where the woman has mental health issues and self harms. She has episodes of violent behaviour too, mostly controlled by meds, but ultimately she can't help it. Her partner still loves her and has chosen to stay with her. It is uncontrived drama.

So from that example the 'drama' could mean someone else's problems.

Someone who asserts 'no drama' in a dating profile could be described as acting from selfishness because they don't want to have to care.

And the nature of life often means dramas crop up from time to time.
If a partner had a terminal illness for example - that could be classed as 'drama'.

3

Some people do not stop bringing turmoil to the meeting table. I would consider that " drama "
Move on and find the path of least resistance , with kindness in your heart. .

3

Just tell them go buy a sex doll, you heard they have no drama.

MarkF Level 5 May 19, 2018

this is perfect! I will be so prepared next time

What happens if it explodes ! Thats drama right there ?

2

I find theatre seats uncomfortable.

Gareth Level 7 May 19, 2018

Me too!

2

Drama means family problems,dysfunctional families, homeless, unemployed, emotionally needy.

Jealousy insecurities aswell

drama is like one of those things? or all of them together in one big crazy snowball?

No drama does not mean those problems. ...it is a mis-used word just as Atheism is equated with belief like believers lie about us.....sociopathic behaviour/personalities should also fit their intended useage of warding off TrumpOLINI voters applying for a romantic rendezvous

2

"Drama" by AJR

Supercali Level 6 May 19, 2018
1

No drama to me equates to not blaming your emotional baggage on others. But by your perception I'm LOADED with Drama. smile009.gifsmile009.gifsmile001.gif

MrLee1950 Level 4 May 23, 2018
1

Thanks so much everyone for your thoughts and feedback! It's funny how 2 little words can mean such different things to so many different people. what I've learned from y'all is to avoid anyone who uses "no drama" without explaining it, because they are most likely looking for something superficial

Supercali Level 6 May 21, 2018
1

Drama in a relationship to me means constantly stirring up conflict, overreacting to situations, insisting on dominating the relationship. I have no problem with my partner having different views or interests, as long as my views and interests are respected.

1

Wow, I didn't realize so many people have so many different understandings of what drama means in the context of dating/relationships.

bingst Level 8 May 19, 2018
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