Suicide: a cowardly move? True or false?
4
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Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.Without a doubt, it's cowardly. It's the easy way out. Instead of investigating ones self, changing ones situation so that they are no longer depressed, sad, unhappy, unfulfilled (fill in any other reason someone would commit suicide), they take the easy way out and, in turn, hurt everyone in their life who loved them. Instead of being a coward, they should spend every waking moment figuring out what's wrong, fix it and move forward. I get that some people are on depression meds and all that, but depression can be beaten -- IT JUST TAKES WORK. And to anyone that says otherwise, they're just mad that they've not been able to put in that work (or they know others who haven't put in that work), so they justify with this thing or that. No excuses. Do the work to make the change that will make you happy, or take the easy way out.
Clauddvon
Level 7
June 12, 2018
1
Wow, depression is a complicated disease and needs much more research. To say just do the work is equal to ssying suck it up and get over it. This is a dangerous point of view
You are sadly mistaken. Sure, healing takes work. But suicide is not the easy way out. There is no easy way out.
This is written as if you've never experienced real depression. To say that it can be just worked through makes about as much sense as saying someone with a broken leg can just 'work it through.' Depression is a result of an imbalance in chemicals in the brain. Medications can help in a large number of cases -- but not all.
"Chemical imbalance" is nothing more than a fancy modern term for "let us sell you more meds that you can get addicted too." When I was young, that was called "suck it up buttercup." Change who you are. Change your surroundings, your decisions and your life and you'll be OK. Too many people turn to the "medical community (aka - big pharma)" instead of looking within and just fixing themselves. Self-loathing is pathetic.
I experience 2 things. One is depressive realism. Just looking and actually acknowledging how fucked up the systems and realities that we normalize are. The other is chemical. I can do the things I normally enjoy, and I essentially don't get or process dopamine or any natural reward chemicals. Getting a hobby, or otherwise changing your behaviour or environment isn't going to fix that when your brain is incapable of responding to it.
@Clauddvon did you know that depression, etc, is a ‘real’ brain disorder? Causes vary, but it is in the brain.
@Freedompath did you know that this diagnosis didn't exist prior to the year 2000 and even then it's only a theory? I believe in and subscribe in the melancholia theory myself - cognitive, not mental....aka stemming from irrational "should" and "musts" leading to inappropriate self-blame, self-pity, or other-pity in times of adversity.
@Clauddvon there are now diagnosis, Nothing is 100%, but even inexact science has theories. If you want, there is much research now on the brain and you can see for yourself what discoveries have been made! Only of late, were brains donated for research. Science can show us a lot more, than speculation.
@Clauddvon in my 25-30 odd years of therapy, my depression never came down to something, as simply as you state. That goes back further than 2000.
False. If you’ve ever dealt with crippling depression you wouldn’t ask this question.
Marcie1974
Level 8
June 12, 2018
5
I'm pretty sure everyone gets to ask the question, one of the reasons this site exists. And someone who might be contemplating suicide certainly gets to ask the question
I don’t know that ... depression is so frightening, threatening, and to become submerged in it I well know to those who have or will experience then you have others still spewing “ pull you self up “ as of it were so simple, so easy. I think you’re right as you have had to of been there for most to understand...... so can never!!!
@lerlo I apologize but it’s very frustrating to hear someone even elude to it as being cowardly. I was suicidal for many months during the worst of my depression. In my mind, I would have been helping others by killing myself. They wouldn’t have to deal with me anymore. I felt unworthy of love, friendship, etc. I’m eternally grateful I eventually got help and my mind is healthy now. But I remember well that feeling that it would be best for others if I wasn’t around.
@Marcie1974
Thank you for sharing. Back in the 90s my dearest and most loved sister swallowed a sandwich bag of pills. Fortunately, they were able to save her. I love her dearly! Just because someone is loved doesn't mean there isn't a terrible sadness inside.
@Holysocks I’m so glad your sister was saved, I assume she received and is still getting help?
And you are correct about feeling alone and sad even with people around you that love you. It’s devastating
@Marcie1974 you're a strong person for having overcome all of that. I commend you and you have my deepest regard. It's for all the reasons you speak of that I would hope you would try to counsel the people here that think that depression gives you a ticket out of life. For some, depression is treatable and while I stand by my belief that we all get to leave whenever we want, it shouldn't be a forced decision by something that might be turned around. Most decisions made under duress usually aren't good ones.
@lerlo I am proof that there is hope for those that are going through depression and would certainly counsel them on not succumbing to the disease.
It is my understanding that the post is simply asking if it is cowardly. Not that she was necessarily contemplating it. If that is the case, I would certainly reach out.
@Marcie1974 You're right, I was mainly concerned with the replies that seem to imply that depressed people have no option. But, you never know what the motive for the original question was.
@lerlo many times depressed people feel there is no option, fortunately there is plenty of help if one has the courage to seek it out and accept it.
I'd say no ,it's actually intelligent . If someone is terminal or even has chronic depression , euthanasia just may be a logical choice
Fastredcat
Level 4
June 12, 2018
5
I totally agree
@Kojaksmom I don’t not with depression but yes to a terminal disease with no cure and intractable pain
One of my key triggers for suicide would be a diagnosis of a long drawn out terminal illness, in such a case self euthanizing would be kinder to others than having them suffer for months with me.
@LenHazell53 I agree,
Coward. I don't advocate suicide, unless you have a debilitating condition. Two people have tried to kill me. I'm stronger than death...
TheGreatShadow
Level 9
June 12, 2018
0
@Josephine "survive suicide"? Look at what you just wrote...
Hi EmeraldJewel, good post! My response will probably seem to echo the previous ones regarding the aversion I feel toward the idea that a Suicide victim gets the label of “coward” based on his or her last impression on society (at their life’s most miserable point) but even though it seems rather obvious to most people in possession of the capacity to feel sympathy that Suicide is a tragedy for which grief should be felt for the deceased and loved ones of him/her, I still think it’s a very important question to ask bc a lot of people find comfort in classifying the miseries of others as melodramatic, selfish, or an over-reaction rather than acknowledge that these people are suffering beyond what they can bear, and to a degree that those who callously dismiss them as cowards most likely couldn’t begin to imagine. I ultimately have come to look at Suicide not as a sign of weakness due to someone’s lack of gratitude for the good things they have in life or foolish impulsivity, but simply as devastatingly tragic evidence that someone has been pushed to the absolute limit of what they can bear, and then across it. We all have breaking points, and none of us are “above” the risk of suicide or stronger than those who do fall prey to it
ChaseMcKinley
Level 4
June 12, 2018
2
And my apologies for the characteristically wordy nature of my responses, but this is a topic that hits quite close to home with me on several levels. After losing a good friend who functioned in my life as a role model due to not only the success he found and the outrageously positive impact he made on the lives of anyone around him, but also bc he struggled with very similar psychiatric problems to my own (to the extent we even took many of the same meds) I had a very difficult time processing all why’s and what if’s surrounding the event and how if I could have been there more for him things might have turned out differently; but ultimately I’ve realized that while his death was heart wrenching to hear about and accept the reality of, it would be a massive lapse in character and gratitude for his being part of my life for as long as he was to resent or disparage him for ultimately yielding to the insurmountable pressures to stop pressing on with life, against which I’m sure he fought tooth and nail until he got worn down. But I remember him fondly for the way that he lived every day of his life, not the sad circumstances that it concluded with.
@Storybook thanks for that!
No, not cowardly, but sad and desperate. The sign of alienation and a harsh world to me.
Rugglesby
Level 8
June 12, 2018
3
It depends on the circumstances - if a doctor told me I had a terminal illness, I would thank her/him and check out on my own terms.
@Palindromeman me too, once the pain got bad. I hope to solve my own issues when the time comes, I was looking more along the lines of depression causing the suicide, mates of mine when I was younger, in recent years children of friends and friends of my own kids, It's hard whe it is poeple you know and they are young and healthy.
@Rugglesby Copy that, my friend. I had a friend in high school who checked out. His name was Damien. I still think of him when the subject comes up. And that's 32 years ago. These things do resonate.
I know there'll be lot's of disagreement on this one but I say false. My daughter suicided at the age of 20 almost five years ago. Will never get over it but at the same time I think she thought she was doing the right thing:-/
ronnie40356
Level 7
June 12, 2018
6
It's always hardest on those left behind. For my daughter's sake I could never do it without good reason, and first explaining "why" to her.
False.
I wrote my suicide note last year. No one tells you how hard it is - what do you say? I mean, it's your final statement, right? So you want it to be completely on message.
I then spent a comfortable hour in a hot bath with my weapon of choice - a box cutter - until I decided it was not for me. Not at that time, anyway.
And I burned that fucking note to ashes.
No, I don't judge anyone who voluntarily checks out.
Palindromeman
Level 7
June 12, 2018
13
I sincerely hope you are feeling better about yourself and life in general now. Hugs
@Marcie1974 Thank you. As always, life is a work in progress - for everyone, including me. You can never know how another person is feeling. They are their own barometer.
It'll always be thought to be selfish by people who have never really been to the edge before.
Kojaksmom
Level 8
June 12, 2018
1
Yes your right... if you have never been there then it difficult to contribute but I think all of us have our private thoughts
And can be thought of as selfish by those who have too.
I was diagnosed as bi-polar at the age of 11, I have struggled with suicidal tendencies from the age of 14 on a daily basis.
I faced my "demons" years ago and decided, should I ever actually kill myself, It will be organised before hand, so as to be certain of success, with all post-mortem arrangements made first, so as not to burden anyone.
I would never put my family and friends through a bogus and abortive attempt at suicide as that would be cowardly, selfish and attention seeking behaviour of the lowest order.
Having made those decisions, taken responsibility for my own life and death, I cope with my conditions and keep them in check. It is a matter of respect for others and for oneself.
I don't think people who are suicidal need to be judged. Suicide happens when the pain is so bad you cannot imagine a way out. It is mental illness. Until you have been there you will never understand, and I wouldn't wish that pain on anyone.
HippieChick58
Level 9
June 12, 2018
10
Very good point, good observations
Here is how I see this question.
Is divorcing a forced marriage a cowardly move or not?
A lot of forced marriages do not end up in divorce because not always the relationship is bad.
People used to marry this way for thousands of years. Having a right to divorce is a very important right because in a lot of cases forced marriages are bad.
Same thing is with life nobody gave consent to be born into this life. Some may have a really bad life with lots of suffering in that case of course is important to have the ability to choose to die in dignity. It is sad that nowdays someone has to travel as far as Switzerland to have the right to divorce life.
Valerian
Level 3
June 12, 2018
7
I couldn't agree more!
Not cowardly, but foolish and stupid. Would be the words i usually use. There always a way to fix whatever problems one might have..
ScienceBill72
Level 7
June 12, 2018
2
False. No one asked to be here and they should get to leave whenever they want. There is no "test."
It does however really screw up the people close to them so they should consider not whether it's cowardly but whether it might hurtful to loved ones and friends, if they even care. All that being said, you only get one chance to be here and people can make miraculous recoveries and comebacks and many have overcome horrible odds and come out the other side.
lerlo
Level 8
June 12, 2018
3
Indeed. But it can also solve every problem that you have. "Screw the rest of the world, I'm outta here." That has some level of appeal to many people.
It might be selfish... might be selfish with good reasoning (terminally ill). It might be a few other things but I wouldn't think it to be cowardly.
CreativeTN
Level 5
June 12, 2018
4
Agreed! I’ve heard so many people say this week that it’s a cowardly move, considering Anthony Bourdain’s recent situation. I think it’s so insensitive when I hear people say they feel no sympathy for suicide victims.
Agreed. I feel sadness for him. At the end of the, suicide is a personal choice. I have no doubts many suicides are the result of mental illness but some are a healthy choice. If pain, of any kind, in your life renders you unhappy and unable to enjoy a quality life. Then think it's an option. However, this life and the connections we make is all we'll ever have and it is ephemeral; not to be taken lightly. Tough topic. I always feel sympathy for those reaching the end of there life no matter the reason.
Everyone will die. You can leave it to chance or you can take control of it.
jlynn37
Level 8
June 12, 2018
6
Absolutely that is the right and duty of the thinking being.
No. And for anyone to say that it is just shows they don't really know about it. Anyone who judges people who are depressed or mentally ill - that they are LAZY, SELFISH, or should JUST TRY HARDER is sadly mistaken. I did not start healing when ANYONE treated me like that. It's hard enough when you feel bad. It's TWICE AS HARD when people are telling you that you're JUST DOING SOMETHING WRONG. People who have never been depressed or suicidal should feel so lucky and grateful that they've never been in that place.
bleurowz
Level 8
June 12, 2018
2
true some people think it's so simple. Like telling the alcoholic just stop drinking. Depression is a very complicated condition, and involves many complex feelings.
False
Presley1209
Level 7
June 12, 2018
1
What’s false I’m interested after 36 years in psychiatry and mental health so perhaps you can I lighten me. I must add the when I started my take I inadvertently left NOT cowardice, never cowardice. So maybe you can expound
I think it depends on the reason, let's say you live in pain from an illness I think it's fine. If you have committed a brutal crime that is unjustifiable and do it because you rather die than spend the rest of your life in a cell than yes that's a bit cowardly.
Bloodmoon
Level 5
June 12, 2018
0
I don’t necessarily support the death penalty but I think I can understand the emotions of others . There’s 3 men in fed prison that I’m aware of and sorry to say that if they were shifted and died I surely would shed a tear
We do what we have to do when we have to do it - Its our own life as it will be our own death. I can't admit the word cowardly - I really don t like that word its as if we have t aspire to some false sense of how to be a person.
jacpod
Level 8
June 12, 2018
7
Absolutely in agreement here!
It occurs to me that with the my body my choice movement women are praised for choosing to end another life, but it doesnt seem to have any carry over when someone chooses to end their own life. you have to consider the physical and or emotional pain someone deals with on a daily basis. we as a species are hoarders including the people around us. i have suffered with being bipolar my entire life, and a significant amount of physical abuse in my formative years just to be cast out by my parents at 14. when i slit my wrist in Florida following a breakdown. the police had the bright idea of beating me senseless and repeatedly macing me to "save my life". i think if it ends someones pain then is their decision alone.
halloween13
Level 3
June 12, 2018
0
Please remember bipolar, like any mental illness, is a brain disorder! You just have to keep trying different approaches, to find the best way to manage it! I found hope even depression free! I am so sorry that you were treated badly, when you needed caring the most! I had similar situation, not beaten, but taken by the police and kept in the emergency room, with testing of all sorts...which all came back, normal! That wasn’t help...it was a henderance! Good luck...
I have mixed feelings on this, but I'd have to say the answer is situational. When I look at these people doing mass shootings, who then kill themselves (either by their hand, or suicide by cop) my first instinct is that yes, they are cowards, not only inflicting their fear and self hatred on others in the worst kind of way, but cowards who cannot face the fallout of their own actions.
Then, there is the other side of that coin. A month after my father died (I was 19), another man I knew - who had been like a father to me - took his life. His act was not out of fear, or cowardice. His was in pain, agony and desperation, when he could literally see no other way to stop the pain he felt both physically and emotionally. In his case, he got all his affairs in order, made sure his family was taken care of; he even made sure that the place he did the deed would be easily cleaned up, so as to not cause anyone to have to remodel or repaint the apartment he was living in. He even called the police and told them where they could find him, so no one would have to stumble upon the scene by accident.
I think back on what that man did, to keep others safe from his pain. How every day, with each step he took that brought him closer to the moment he took his own life... how brave he was to keep going. He was simply in too much pain to understand that no matter what steps he took to protect the rest of us, that we would all be hurt terribly by his absence.
Twenty-six years later, and I still find this hard to write. I still come close to breaking down into a sobbing puddle, wishing I could have found a way to help. But, I know that the best I could have done would have been to simply delay it.
But I will never see that man as a coward; he was one of the finest people I've ever known in my life. He just got lost in a dark tangle of despair, and couldn't see that there were other doors.
DerekD
Level 7
June 12, 2018
3
The mass shooters have a ‘fragmented,’ personality/brain disorder...which would be treatable. Problem is, it is hard to diagnose. And apparently the person in that state of mind, has come to accept it as ‘the norm,’ for him. Even a mission, so to speak! It is still a brain disorder.
false, a desperate move maybe
markdevenish
Level 7
June 12, 2018
3
My thoughts exactly.
It’s not cowardly, but then again, courage isn’t a factor in suicide attempts. Courage is when someone overcomes the fear of losing something. Depressed people don’t add their own life to that equation.
Marz
Level 7
June 12, 2018
1
That’s a really good observation
Suicide is escaping pain.
Is someone who takes pain killers to numb the pain of a toothache a coward?
It is cowardly however, to judge those who've chosen suicide.
Ellatynemouth
Level 8
June 12, 2018
10
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