why in the world do the boy scouts require one to believe in a god? do they care which one? why does it have to be a church? are there no jewish boy scouts?

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IDK? I guess what they don't know won't hurt them because they are the parties actually acting foolish and not really thinking it all through correctly!! Blinded by who or what they want to be.

there's a saying in the south "Bless their heart" ...it has nothing to do with religion, but is very pertinent to your question. "Bless their Heart" is a passive-aggressive sarcastic comment that means.."The poor dears...they are so____. We feel sorry for them." That is a common attitude for people who have to deal with others they don't agree with. If you care about them as people...it can just be a philosophy you can have that keeps you honest with yourself.

Sure, it's kind of dishonest, but that's beside the point. You have to pretend because there's so much discrimination against non-theists and you'd be forced to give up specific organizational involvement in your community otherwise. And if going to church with your mother is what it takes to make her happy, so be it. So long as you're not resentful of being forced into this faux belief, I don't see a lot of harm. With that said, there are some secular alternatives to Boy Scouts that you might be interested in researching:

[mnn.com]

I wrestled with a very similar situaion.

Ultimately, I reasoned the good I was doing by being there and participating far outweighed anyd imaginary "evil" that could hypothetically be construed.

And even if it all came crashing down, the good I did would STILL outweigh whatever harm they might imagine I'd done. I don't usually think I know better than others what's good for them, but in this case I definitely did.

It took some soul-searching and some equilibration, but I finally got comfortable with it.

Good is still good, even if some are deluded into thinking it's not. And if they never know....?

Sounds like it. That sounds fairly uncomfortable at times. Likely, it is becoming increasingly more uncomfortable as your inner truth seeks the light of outer expression. However, I wouldn't say you're living a "total" lie. You don't seem to be lying to yourself, at least.

I attended church for a while to please my grandparents. I said the words and ate the cracker and sang the songs. (I kind of like some of the songs.) But my internal experience was always "I'm doing this for them." I never believed that what all those well-groomed people around me were talking and singing about was anything but rehashed Bronze age mythology.

But it made my grandparents happy and that meant a lot to me, much more than the inconvenience of going to church once a week for an hour and a half or so. My grandfather is now dead and I live far away from my grandmother and she is sadly losing her mental powers so I don't need to pretend anymore, so that's a relief. But I didn't think I was lying to them, I think they cared that I went to church because to them, that's just what you do, and they didn't trouble themselves with what I believed.

So you're not alone in this.

You are not saying which god you believe in. It doesn't have to be their god. The irony of a god creating is that you can create your own. Spiritual life is baked into our being as humans. But such a life is highly personal. Work on your own beliefs while joining in on the opportunity to learn from others around you. Your mom is happy you're going to church. She doesn't have to know why! Part your god concert is making others happy and sharing in their joy. Leading in your community and helping others grow into happy, healthy and responsible adulthood can be another tenant of year spiritual canon. Hope this helps. Helping folks sort these things out is a part of my higher power that leads me in its own way which is also my path to tread.

Your morals and principles are your own. Without harming anybody you can do and be what ever you want. Enjoy life and let no one know who you really are.

An organization that is too bigoted to accept you for who you really are does not deserve to have you. The same applies to relatives and friends.

I don't think that would be for someone else to say. HOw do you feel in your day to day life about it?

I say better not to lie, but that's mainly the Asperger's speaking I think. Like other people said, do what you can live with. But be careful of getting accidentally exposed, too. If you get any good idea of your mom being ok with it, you should probably tell her. There's likely no way around a lack of belief with the Boy Scouts, though.
Question: If you don't believe, and you're using 'a' in front of it, why are you capitalizing god?

More like you're living a reality that makes other people happy and now you're beginning to question this stage in your life, which is a positive thing for you if you can act on it and live your truth with or without God

Forgive yourself. Most of us are living a lie, one way or another.

If it wasn't for your mom, I'd say join a Unitarian Universalist congregation. Otherwise, don't sweat it, lots of people go along to get along.

Seriously - get a life.

I live one... what can I say? I have lived one almost all my life.

Do what feels right to you.

You're not doing anything wrong.

I say do what feels best. If you don't want to sacrifice relationships based on your beliefs you're already better than many theists. At the same time it's on you to be honest with yourself. If you feel yourself going through the motions, as if acting out a play, it's going to potentially turn to apathy for things you do enjoy. My biggest suggestion is, if you decide to come out, ease out of your positions first. A scoutmaster and active church member suddenly dropping everything due to atheism is naturally going to shock people. Holy Koolaid is the best start for resources on coming out. Check out his youtube channel and the pages he talks about. Don't hurt yourself by jumping the gun and remember no sacrilege is committed if you truly feel that your silence about your beliefs is a minor payment in comparison to being apart of the communities you enjoy.

I’m aware of the multitude of opportunities I’ve had to become involved with various church oriented social activities. But didn’t. Some I felt compelled to explain myself, ‘you wouldn't want me,’ ‘my lack of a belief in a god would make me a hypocrite,’ ‘so I can’t belong.’ I walked away, and they understood.

You stayed… it’s of course up to you how you remedy that, or not. Seems to me, if honestly truly is a priority, it may become the best policy. It actually hurts to say this, but I’ve long ..forever considered your kind as the worst… Those continuing to prop up an ultimately hostile concept that would so quickly come down on me.

Perhaps you’re paying a price. At least I’ve raised children, supervised them, taught them, and presented someone they could trust and safely admire. I hope you can do the same.

Sometimes in life there is no right or wrong answer, this question being the case. It is a no win situation because both have their bad results. The only thing you can do is make your own personal judgment and do what feels personally right for you. You may know your answer quickly, or it may take a while. There is no easy solution unfortunately. In a random similar situation, people who defect North Korea do get their freedom but their families are probably executed. There’s no right answer in that case either. I personally am an Eagle Scout and have been in the BSA for 6 years. I grew up Mormon and did both extensively. I am an Eagle Scout but I ended up as an agnostic growing up, and I am happy with my boyscout years, but it’s not nessesary for my life, just an added bonus. Being an Eagle Scout for me is something cool to have rather than something for me to self validate my own importance as an individual. If your quality of life is dying and it is killing you on the inside to pretend to be religious for the sake of scouting, I’d say move on. Don’t love something that doesn’t love you back.

It's only living a lie if you assume other people truly believe the doctrines. Basically, a church is a social club. Beliefs are tangential, at best. No need to really be too hard on yourself. If you're happy doing the scout thing and enjoy the company of the people of your church, don't sweat it. You gave your justification when you said: "be around people you care I care about and participate in the organization I love." That's what really matters. You'd be surprised at the number of pastors who really don't believe what they preach. They do it because it's what they are paid to do and it's the only option they have available for supporting their family. They maintain appearances. I've been there, I know.

Some people have no trouble living a lie for the sake of the people, or activities, they love. Some people can't do that. You're the only one who can decide which is right for you.
All that matters is what YOU can live with.

I would not live as you do, but I am not you. I will not judge you.