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Who is in the wrong here?

My granddaughter just had a baby girl (very healthy) But she is mad at me for posting her picture with my great-granddaughter on my Facebook page. She demanded that I take the picture down because I violated her "rights." I was at work so it took me a bit to get to the FB page and delete the picture. Hers was a demand, not a request. I think she overreacted. How say you?

SageDave 7 June 16

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34 comments

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7

OK It seems that I was in the wrong here. The picture was sent to me by my wife via a text and I was so proud of my granddaughter that I had to announce to my friends that I was a great-grandpa.

Exactly. Lots of people are funny about having their picture or their children's picture online. Consider it an "Oops, sorry, didn't know; won't do it again without asking" moment and continue on with life.

@Crimson67 Unfortunately, my granddaughter is quick to anger and slow to cool off. She'll come around.

@SageDave sometimes things are complicated on the internet. It is a lot different than pulling out a photo from your wallet.

7

That woman just had a baby! She’s right in all things and you should support her.

5

Five years ago it wouldn't have been an issue. These days it is best to get permission. Times have changed and it's not our generation anymore.

Betty Level 7 June 16, 2018
4

I understand you are a proud great grandpa but you should have asked first. Not sure of her motivation but some people are very private. I myself never posted my kids pictures on Facebook. Maybe you should apologize and ask her reasons why and let her know you won’t do it again without her permission. It is her child and she and her partner get to determine what is best for their child.

jab60 Level 6 June 17, 2018
4

There are people who are VERY funny about posting their kid's pics online at all.
I understand why she was upset.

My own mother has a pic of me on her FB cover photo(without asking!). She has no idea how much it bothers me. ...
In my other world (dog community) people get skinned alive socially if they post other people's DOGS without permission, EVEN when it's a good thing! Sheesh some even go into orbit if just PART of a dog is posted! (because ppl can often recognize handler's clothes, shoes) LOL This is a REAL THING.
If it bothers your daughter respect her wishes.

Qualia Level 8 June 17, 2018
4

I can understand your pride and good intentions to share the happy news. But many people have a justified negative view of face book. It was a little presumptuous of you to post that pic without asking permission. She was within her rights to demand a deletion. Perhaps she over reacted in the way she dealt with you. I hope it all works out in the family. Good luck...

4

This is a tough one. It's typical to not share pictures of a baby online until the baby's parents have done so. However, she should have made it clear when the picture was shared with you. I would also be a little upset about the disrespectful way she handled it.

4

If she had not posted pictures yet then you stole her thunder. And she's exhausted and hormonal. If you identified her in the picture then yes, you were in the wrong. These days of stolen identities, stalkers, and weirdos, you can't be too careful, and she might not have been ready to make the announcement yet. Apologize abjectly and then proceed with caution in the future.

Once again. The hippie chick speaks with wisdom.

@bigpawbullets Thank you! It is wisdom for pain. I posted something about my youngest years ago, and middle sister told me I stepped in it. Sooooo mama learned the lesson. No picts of babies, no family news goes up til the moms have done so first and given approval. At least in forums we're all part of.

4

She doesn't want herself and/or her baby on social media and/or she wants to control how much she and her baby are on social media.
PERFECTLY understandable.
Mothers have always been very protective of their babies and in these days that includes social media.

And I think she was right to demand to make it clear she was not giving you the option. Making it a request might have been interpreted as if you have a choice in the matter which, honestly, you don't when it comes to photos of her and her baby.

It's a faux pas on your part, sorry to say, but hopefully a minor one and one that reminds ALL OF US to ask permission, to get specific consent, before putting other peoples information or photos up on social media where everyone can see it, use it, and access it without our control.

3

I understand your surprise but my kids are the same way. they are afraid of posting pictures because of pedophiles and kidnapping.

3

You need to know why she was angry.

3

she overreacted. say you are sorry and let it be

3

Asking her first could have prevented the whole thing ...

Yup

2

Right vs. Wrong. Would you rather be right, or be happy? Let her (and others) be right, and ask before posting. Unless there is a history of proud posting to fall back on.

2

Had she had a chance to post any yet? That might explain her reaction, even though I it sounds like she was rude about it.

diffently rude but pics of her and babby should ask

2

Yes, she over-reacted, but she might have felt that the picture was unflattering (of her if not of the baby) or that she wasn't ready for anyone to see the baby just yet. Try to chalk her reaction up to stress and exhaustion, and now you know that in the future, you need to ask before posting. When a little time has passed and she has relaxed a little, ask her why she reacted as she did. That might provide you guidance for future photo sessions.

1

I would never post someone else's pictures without their permission. The same goes for mentioning them if I check in on FB.

1

Both. Nothing wrong with you being proud and excted. She probably hates how she looks, mussed hair whatever. You should have gotten approval first,

1

Oof that is a tricky one. With all the funk FB has gotten into of late I can see being careful with posting photos. Demanding may have been a bit over reaction. Make a note for future and let who was 'right' go.

1

I told my two granddaughters not to post my picture.

but you look so healthy.they must be proud

1

I read four issues at stake here: the legal rights of children and parents, the child's rights, the moral right of a parent to determine what is best for the child, and finally, the issue of your relationships, with your granddaughter today and with your great grandchild in the future.

I haven't read any of the other responses to your question, but i wholeheartedly agree with your grand-daughter. You did "violate her rights" and you need to own what you did, not rationalize your actions. But only if you care about your relationship with her.

If you respect her, and her right to manage her family, you should have checked. At least you took down the photo expeditiously.

You may not be aware, but many professionals are discouraging posting photos like you did for the security of the children and the parents. It is a day of predators and many use the internet to pick their targets.

[theguardian.com]

My opinion is that you did violate her rights, and her child's right to privacy and freedom.

So if you want to heal the rift in your relationship, i suggest you apologize, beg her forgiveness, and swear that you will not post any photos again without her permission. You now need to start rebuilding the trust between you, and this will begin the healing process, is you care.

Here are some additional articles about a child's legal right to privacy.

[paulbernal.wordpress.com]

[scholarship.law.ufl.edu]

1

I'm on your side. You did it out of pride and joy.

1

You should ask her if its ok to post it. She overly reacted unless she is hiding from someone like the baby's daddy or past boyfreinds. You just a proud granddaddy.

1

Sorry, Dave. She has the right to protect the privacy and identity of her daughter. Maybe she didn't handle it very well, but you did the right thing in taking the photo down. Don't let this become an issue with you two. Apologize and cherish the relationship you have with her.

0

I think it is important to ask. I only show pictures of my children and grandchildren to a fairly tight group of friends and I have checked with them that they don't mind. I don't worry too much about online privacy, myself - I am sure that we have very little control over what is known about us as soon as we enter the system - but I know some people like to feel they are in control of what is shown about them. It sounds as if she wanted to be the first to show the picture, which is understandable, too.

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