It is upsetting for her to have used your father as merely a prop for placing her bet on Pascal’s Wager. I, too get upset over these kinds of issues. I once saw a picture of a butterfly with a string attached to it, the other end of which was tied to a large rock. The caption read, “Let Stuff Go.” It’s helpful for me to bring that image to mind when I feel anger about someone’s hurtful actions.

A minister cannot save anyone's soul.....he can only lead one to the door....you have to choose to open it and go in......more than likely he had a moment of clarity talking to the minister and made his own choice........I don't think you should be angry with her.....she was doing what she thought best for him out of love......she was showing him real love......
It sounds like you have doubts of your own....we all do....even Christians at times doubt....nothing wrong with doubting......and like you said....if we were all wrong, then he is now in Heaven and at peace forever.......should put a big smile on your face and peace in your heart when you think of him there.

My sense is that baptism is only performed on those of unsound mind, and performed by those similarly afflicted.

Do yourself a favor and remember that what she did had absolutely no effect except to ease her own mind. Given that it sounds like you agreed with your Dad, keep your sons away from her. My bio dad "came to jesus" about 6 months before he died - total hypocrisy from a person best described as a sensualist up until his "conversion".

You're right to be angry. If it had been his wish to be baptized I would think he'd have done it before he couldn't make the decision for himself. As you stated, this was on going bout with cancer so it's not like he didn't have time to decide. I suspect your suspicion is correct and his wife deliberately took advantage of his state of mind.

Nope, nope, nope screw her. Damn people just push shit in on a dying human being. And to make that
your last memory of your dad, knowing he was an Athiest. Sorry but I would forever cut her out my family. An have a voodoo priestess bless her on her death bed. Bloody chicken guts an all in her face.

How disrespectful to ride roughshod across a man's beliefs and wishes for personal gain , using his failing health and illness to override his lifes direction . I feel sure he would have taken exception if consciously given the choice , this for me is not the actions of ones lifelong friend and companion and is shallow and decietful

having water poured on your head does no harm nor do the mumblings of the minister, if it brings comfort to his wife, what's the harm. As an atheist I don't see how this is offensive, just a waste of time.

Yeah, obviously she doesn't really care about the truth. Who cares about her?

My wife died several years ago, so I understand grief and how we might deal with it. I understand your anger, but if it brought her peace I don't see the harm in it.

Minsters can save souls. Now

Wow I understand your anger and I probably would keep my distance from her too. Her rabid beliefs can't be healthy for your son so that was good judgement, IMO.
I had a similar experience when my brother died...his wife insisted on an open casket even though his body was absolutely ravaged by cancer then to make it even worse, she took pictures of my poor brother in the casket, then sang a religious country song as everyone was coming in and finding their seats. It was one of the most horrific experiences of my life and I believe my brother would have been horrified as well.
About a year later she was already nine months pregnant and living with her baby daddy. She refuses to let me see my three nephews and I hate her with every fiber of my being.
I'm sorry you had that experience and I hope some day you (and I) can heal.

I think I may be autistic because I struggle to understand why people get upset about things like your dads baptism, your dad is dead...... he doesn't care, his wife is deluded but happy, Live your life and be happy in the moment, Desiderata!

you should be upset, to take his beliefs and shove them aside so she can sleep soundly at night is wrong.

Yes, you made an issue, where it is clear why it happened and it made no difference in the final result. I consider super religious people superstitious and these types of people don't bother us otherwise. I agree, some take it to extremes and tend to create arguments every where they go, but in our inner being we are much farther ahead of them mentally and accept the fact they have a position that can clearly be proven inapplicable to most problems in life. Always be kind especially toward family, that will mean more to them than separation. I constantly help family members with problems, and they depend on me for that and say how can you be so giving being an atheist. I love to hear that.

In my opinion anything that happens after death is for those still living. I would feel bad about doing anything contrary to the wishes of the person who passed but if it provides them some comfort and I'm not in charge I don't worry about it.
If it bothers you, though, it might be worthy of a conversation at a later date, if for no other reason than to get your own feelings some air.

Perhaps your dad did this to make his current wife happy as a parting gift? If he was high on pain meds and chemo, then that was incredibly uncalled for if she did it to make herself feel happy. Because that's exactly what Jesus would have wanted.

No, you re not wrong. She didn't respect your father....In fact, her actions were an insult to him and to his memory.

I understand your frustration. Especially because his view on life was not respected. I don't think you need to ask yourself or anyone else what is or isn't correct about your reaction to that situation. Your instinct as your father's daughter and mother to your children is raw and honest. The ending of a life seems like such a huge part of one's existance, but if we just take a step back and remember the person as they lived their life and the impact they made in our own life, it's clear that the end does not define the person at all.

Well first off.......don't b on the fence........u can't say u don't believe in god and heaven u don't think well mayb there is something when u die ......u either believe or don't believe........simple.....it made her feel good so b it.....and the jesus freaks always have 2 b so dramatic when somebody dies
No u die u don't know it its like falling asleep and not waking up.......the only ppl ur dead r alive and they r sad........the only reason u know ur alive is bcause u woke up after being asleep.........and u don't know ur dead.........

If your dad was not of sound mind, then it did not harm him. And if taking that step made his wife feel better, she has to deal with his loss as well, and her actions gave her a little bit of comfort.

Unfortunately for those who have to rely on the crutch of religion, certain things have to happen to get into heaven, and baptism is usually one of them. Don't be angry, feel pity. If this gave her some measure of happiness and it didn't hurt him, then really no harm has been done. It is sad that 21st century minds rely on first century rituals to function in day to day life.

I had an older brother that was atheist, although he was not out, and when he died my other older brothers had him buried in a catholic cemetery with all the catholic rituals. At the time I was very upset; however, in retrospect I'm sure that he would laugh his ass off knowing that he was an atheist in a catholic cemetery.

For me this would be a dilemma of the unnecessary manufacture of suffering. Your suffering seems to be the regret that your mother did this and also that your relationship with her has been soiled as a result. Ultimately, you might like to ask yourself what real harm has been done? Additionally, you could look at owning your feelings and glancing at the irony of you removing your mother from your life because she did something that you disapproved of to feed her ego and now you are doing something to feed your ego? Nonetheless, it is tricky and I would hazard a guess that this is not the only reason that your relationship with her has soured. Kindly, Tim.

Does it really matter? I would say no. It is especially not worth getting upset over. They splashed a little water on him and said some meaningless words. Nobody was hurt by it. If it made my loved one(s) feel better, I might even do it under these circumstances; not in consideration of Pascal's wager, but just to make them feel better. Fortunately, I don't have any whackos in my life that I'm that close to that would ask me to do this on my death bed!

I know it's difficult, but when it comes to other people's actions one cannot and should not be attached to outcome. "Any kind of expectation creates a problem. We should accept but not expect. Whatever comes accept it. Whatever goes accept it. The immediate benefit is that your mind is always peaceful." --Sri Swami Satchidenada

I don't think there's anything wrong with being angry. At the same time, if you can find it within yourself to let go of the anger, I think that might bring you some peace. I'm sure she did it to make herself feel better, but she is probably sincere in her belief too. It likely seems disrespectful to you, even if there's no chance baptism has any validity, but I think it can be seen humorously too — like if she had a mall Santa bring him gifts on his deathbed or prayed to SpongeBob SquarePants to protect your father's eternal soul. But since she's no longer part of your life, I think with time you'll be able to forget the anger you feel and focus on the man your father was when his mind was sharp. Good luck to you.