She didn't do it for him; she did it for her. Though it was a dick move, I would just let it go. There are better things to be pissed at (I'm sure).

By the way, my step-mother pretty much did the same thing to my dad. She filled the house with her conservative Christian friends and completely ignored his DNR. Was nothing us kids could do since we all live out of town/state from him.

I would have been upset by that as well. If he talked to her about doing that before he passed away, then that's a different story. I don't think a baptism would have changed anything afterwards either way. I think if there is a place for us to go, it will depend on how we lived our lives in general.

It didn't do any harm.

So sad. My whole family gave up religion because of me. That makes me proud. Although my mom was going in and out at the end, she ranted that no religious bastard better come near her. She only wanted her family around.

Thank you all so much for the awesome comments. You have all been so kind and I am absolutely loving being a part of this group.

I think she was definitely wrong to do this to him while he couldn't resist and she knew it would be against his wishes.
I also think you hit it right on the head when you said you think she did it for her own peace of mind.
Fear drives religion, fear of dying, fear of hell, fear of the unknown etc. People will do strange things to appease their gods.

Heartfelt condolences for your loss! You're not wrong, but I wouldn't punish her by removing you and your son from her life. In her mind, she was doing the right thing, and even though it was misguided, it was an act of love. I encourage you to place you and your son back into her life.

I think you have the right to be mad, BUT I wouldn't have been for this one simple reason. Your stepmom did it out of love for him. I would have told her that she is disrespecting the wishes of my father, but I'm not one to cut someone out of my life for an act that is meant as a loving act no matter how misguided it was. Had I had the power to stop it, I wouldn't have in this instance because it isn't bringing any harm to him, but it is easing her grief. This opinion of mine is just that an opinion and it's not meant to decare that you are wrong for how you responded to it.

Might have just done it to humor her so that she was happy too even if he still didn't really believe

I would be more angry at the Minister, who knew and willingly broke the rules of an adult baptism. I can't be 100% certain of that first sentence because I don't know if your step mom belongs to an Anabaptist denomination. But in any event, an adult baptism requires a true conversion. You're step mom was just doing what she thought was best.

You're not wrong to be upset with her since your father was not of sound mind and it was probably against his will. However, have you considered that he might have agreed just to put her mind at rest? I would think his love for her would have allowed this since he was dying anyway. Forgive her and move on.

I'd be angry too. However, I almost pity her for her beliefs. She is so convinced and so terrified of hell that she was SURE she was doing the right thing. You think it was just for her own peace of mind, but I think she truly believes that she just saved his soul from eternal torture. We think it must be awful to believe such things, but they know no other way.

So, you're not wrong to be upset. But don't stress out about "maybe she was right." Turn your anger into relief that you're not burdened by ridiculous fears like she is.

I guess if it made her feel better, and we know it is all BS, what did it hurt? You and your sons know the truth, and you celebrate his life accordingly. I think he would have liked that you remember him as he truly was. It was just words, water and ritual. Meaningless things that give people a false sense of security. Those words held no power over him, so they rolled off like water off a duck's back.
Personally, I'd feel I was giving her and her god too much power to control me and my feelings that way. (not to say they are, just how I would feel) I would just give the ceremony the attention and the power it deserves - absolutely none.

You are right to be upset for what your mom did to your dad...poor man.....people are so brainwashed on this subject it is hard to believe....just like religion....I don't know if you have talked this out with your mother....that should be done....you also need to consider your sons need for a grandmother...if she was a good grandmother otherwise then you risk harming him over things he may not understand...not sure how old he is....