Wrong and very selfish she has gone beyond herror husbands wishes and if evil exists then that is evil

Are you wrong to be upset? No. If it bothers you that's your business, but I think being upset about it serves no purpose. It's a harmless ritual. If she had refused medical treatment because "God will save him" or some such nonsense, then you'd have good cause to be upset. As it is, from here it seems you're only hurting yourself by holding on to this anger.

My grandfather did the same thing for my grandmother

So, if I understand correctly, your Dad's Wife, on his deathbed, disrespected his views and wishes. That's pretty low. You have every right to be upset.

Much like the Mormon's posthumously baptizing Anne Frank; very disrespectful.
[telegraph.co.uk]

Although, if you've ever had any type of relationship with this woman, you may want to try to get past this. She is obviously in pain and might need some support - that doesn't mean you have to support what she did, but support her as a human being who has lost someone.
As others have said, being splashed with some water doesn't really matter much.

I would be very upset as it is very disrespectful and selfish of her to go against his beliefs. Even if she is right (se's not) how would baptising an Atheist save his soul? Does God accept people who have been baptised but do not believe in him?

I lost my own Father to cancer at Christmas. As he and his wife were Christians I had no problem with their mad ramblings and retuals. I didn't join in but I was present.

I feel you. One of my biggest pet peeves, happens a lot here in the South, is the minister at funerals giving “alter call” it’s like “ Look this poor sucker is dead you might be next and you’re going to hell!”
Instead of honoring and remembering the person gone.

I feel you. One of my biggest pet peeves, happens a lot here in the South, is the minister at funerals giving “alter call” it’s like “ Look this poor sucker is dead you might be next and you’re going to hell!”
Instead of honoring and remembering the person gone.

Be upset but let it go. Don't linger over other people's belifes. As long as she is happy let her be and realize that's all it was. There is no god for anything to happen to his soul. He is already into his next life and I'm sure he would have wanted her to be happy after he left his old life.

I would be upset because of the presumption. She knew your Dad was an atheist so she waited until he couldn't object. It is similar to the Morman practice of having baptism ceremonies for a family's dead because of the "belief" that only Mormans go to heaven. I can't say if you were too hard or not with her because I don't know the whole story.

It may be her long-term peace of mind mattered more than hi at that time, and had he been aware what was going on, might have agreed.

yes no harm done, except for your relationship with his wife.

Assuming your dad still loved his wife, would he not want her to have peace of mind? Especially if he personally thought it was a bunch of meaningless crap anyway?

Is part of the anger at yourself for not preventing it? Forgive yourself and her for her selfish act (she's only afraid that he won't be there to greet her when her time comes). Don't let someone else's act continue to punish you by holding on to the anger.

"upon his death bed when he was not of sound mind, his wife had him"
Hence HE (Your Dad, the man you knew)
Had nothing to do with any of that
It was not his issue
It WAS her fear
WHY burden your life with baggage your dad had no awareness of (he was not of sound mind) because she expressed her humanity by caving in to her FEAR both of losing your Dad
AND the horrid religious baggage painted onto her by religion itself?

Let it go, I think your Dad would.

This happened to my great-aunt who died in prison rather than be baptised. That she was forcibly baptised when she was unconscious just before her death makes no difference to her life, but it makes me angry, still.

You are correct,,,His "wife" did that for herself not for Him.

Hmm. This is tricky. I'm not going to say you shouldn't be upset, because you know it goes against his wishes, and those matter. And I won't say she was right. That being said, I'm not sure what harm it actually does, but I also come from a state where people baptise the dead. It's disrespectful in my opinion, but it doesn't really..do anything. Mostly because baptism doesn't really do anything.

That said, I think it comes down to what you value more, her peace of mind or your fathers wishes. And I'm in no position to say which.

I would like to know though, was cutting her off because of this? Or was it just something on top of greater issues? It's difficult because I don't think we really know what the relationship was beforehand.

It's sad when families drift apart, but sometimes they have to when they're completely incompatible.

I will say its interesting to see the many different responses, which means its something a lot of us don't really know the answer to, myself included

I will say that the common thread here is that we want you to be happy. Again I'd say you're right to be upset. I don't know if the anger is serving you in any way, but I know its not as simple as letting it go. We're big on principles here, and when those get violated we tend stick to our guns , sometimes to our own detriment.

She did it for her peace of mind. It was part of how she needed to cope and grieve. I wouldn't begrudge her that.

As you note, your father was not in his right mind, so he had no real control or possibly even understanding of what was going on. And the baptism is a ritual that doesn't actually do anything anyway, which you as a nonbeliever already knew.

Cherish your memories of your father when he was alive, and if you don't like his wife don't associate with her more than you have to. I'd suggest that you consider leaving it at that.

Something similar happened with my father. He was already in a coma and my BF on behalf of my sister, prayed over him before he passed. My dad’s sister that is also an atheist was pretty pissed off. But it didn’t bother me and I don’t think my dad would have cared either. When I asked him what he wanted done with his ashes etc...he said ‘What the F do I care, I’ll be dead’. So I don’t think he’d care if someone prayed some nonsense over his while he was dying.

It is not about you... is your father upset right now? We can't say, can't we? Let it go. Live your life. Remember the good. Don't let those others sour your relationship with your father memory. Having 2 daughters I know how important I am to them. You always going to be His Precious Daughter. With last rites or without last rites. Not trying to offend you. Remember... "NOTHING AND NO ONE BETWEEN YOU AND YOUR FATHER".

If he wasn't bothered by it at the time, I don't see any harm. If it annoyed him, that was darned rude of her.

Anger isn't healthy for you though, or for anyone around you. If you don't want anything to do with her; nothing wrong with that, but remember to kick her out of your head, too.

edit to add:

But if your kid wants contact with her, it would be healthier for him to have that and not worry about upsetting you.

Creepy, yes. I would agree with the other posters when thinking with my head. But when thinking with my heart: I thought it was SO CREEPY that Mormons were 'converting" people postmortem, even though I don't believe in Mormonism. So I hear ya, as they say. I'm so sorry for your loss XOXO

This was an act of compassion, she may have done it and it may be for her piece of mind, but its nor herself she did it for. Id welcome it. Evwn if I don't believe in it, its nice to know somebody cares.

You have a right to be angry, as she forced HER OPINION on a vulnerable person which to me is a form of mind-rape.

I would be upset. My father was also an atheist. He despised religion. He was under hospice care and the Chaplin had been visiting my father and they had some interesting discussions by her account. She knew that he was and atheist. She came to his room one day while I was there after he had slipped into a coma and asked if she could pray for him. I said do what you want but don't do it here and asked her to leave. Sounds like your Dad's wife did not respect his beliefs and that was an insult to him and your family. If you need to not be around her, that's your choice. One day, you may find that you're able to forgive her. You're dad doesn't care anymore and he would probably want her to achieve whatever comfort she could for herself at the time. But you have to do you.