It is not a matter of being right or wrong. When someone is on their death bed and not of sound mind it really doesn't matter if somebody with a certain religious view uses their view to make themselves feel better. Death is a difficult thing to face, so if someone has particular view why stand in the way of it? However, I do make a distinction here. If a person has stated clearly in the Do Not Resuscitate (DNR) or some other legal document that they do not want any religious rites of any kind then I think that the person's legal wishes must be maintained. Those who have certain religious views can practice them, but not on, or around, the person who is dead. It is a matter of respecting the person's last legal wish in death.

Sorry about your Dad. People do strange things sometimes in these circumstances and when emotions are high like they are when a loved one is about to cross the memories of events are forever burned in our minds I think. You are not wrong to be upset it's normal. I lost my husband last year to cancer and some of the behaviors of others will never be forgotten. I respected his wishes to the very end. He was a mason and wanted rites.

I kind of figure that if there is some omnipotent entity it should understand why we came to our thinking as we do.

if you tell children a fairy tale and they believe it, even in the slightest; maybe it helps psychologically because its such a nice way to show your emotions without doing anything drastic.

I was "religious" for about a week when I was 5 yo. But much later I sang in a church choir and I enjoyed the community part of the experience - esp since people were totally cool with me sticking to my beliefs.

I don't think it's about right or wrong. It's about the woman's desperation when someone she loved was dying. It's not something I'd ever do (I'd still be an atheist in a foxhole) but I've had similar experiences and just think "If it gives them comfort, so be it". Your dad wouldn't mind - he knew the truth just like we do.

Very foolish of her but let it go. Did not hurt your Dad and made her feel better.

You are not wrong to be angry. I would be angry, too.

It sounds as if you have the correct grasp of the situation. It is/was for her benefit. It is great to understand where she is coming from. Don't be afraid to let her be her, but let it serve as a caution to you and do not allow yourself become entrapped by them. I believe you are perceptive and because of that are also cautious. Bravo!

You are never wrong for your feelings. You know who your father was and whatever his wife did was on her. Think of the man you know and love and work to rid yourself of inner turmoil. Peace to you

If I understand correctly, you don't believe in religion (nor the semantics attached to it?), you believe he just died. Leave well enough alone. But you don't have to like his wife, for the kids sake or your own. I learned to be mindful of my stepmother because it gave me peace of mind. Although I do not have a relationship with her, she had a relationship with my father that I had nothing to do with.

No soul. No god. A guy in a uniform sprinkled water on him. I wouldn't worry about it, though the disregard for his belief (or lack thereoff) I find a bit disrespectful.

if at the last it made your father feel the least bit better then great and in a way we all are wrong both sides the only thing i think i know is i don't know i don't think theirs a god it's more complicated than our little primate minds can think of

IMO, your dad’s beliefs are not compromised simply because his wife tries forcing her beliefs on his death bed. It is unfortunate she did but then again, death brings desperate people to cope in sometimes, controversial ways. Still, this gives her no right to force her beliefs on to him just to make herself feel better. Selfish, very selfish. Very disrespectful to him and his family.

I would be pissed...She might be right, but that's no reason to deny how he felt for his whole life just because she wants to be comfortable. There isn't a ritual for becoming an Atheist, but if there was, how would she feel if someone did it to her on her death bed? It's completely and utterly disrespectful.

I also can't stand the when the Mormons go to grave sites to baptize dead people. Talk about no respect for the dead and their families.

In this country, we are supposed to have freedom of/from religion, even in death.

It was her prerogative as his wife. Personally, I could care less what happens to me at the point of death as long as I don’t know about it. If he was conscious, that’s another story.

Be happy she’s out of your lives. She sounds intrusive.

best of both Worlds by my recon...not a believer myself,but an invitation to the party after.HEY!
Why not?
don't trouble yourself, dead is dead ,right?

I think it gave her peace of mind, and help her deal with his loss, while doing no harm to him, since it is a meaningless ritual anyway.

I would try to think of it as her showing her love for him the only way she knew how. In her mind, that was a way to see him again "after death". He obviously knew that she was religious and loved her anyway. He probably wouldn't mind giving her that comfort.

I think what she did was imposing her will on a sick man. What the hell is baptism going to do anyway? I mean, who the hell wants to meet a god who will forgive a pedophile or serial killer just because he got baptized, but will send a good soul to hell, just because he/she didn't accept god as the savior, or didn't have water spilled on his/her head? Is that the kind of god all these religious freaks want to meet?

I always wanted to believe and simply couldn't do it. If people signed me up to the church of the great purple unicorn after I could stop them it wouldn't change much.

I would let go of it.
Life can be pretty damned difficult, so I let people find peace where they can....

Not of sound mind? Let's assume he was unconcious and stayed that way until he died. In that case, and assuming he didn't have specific instructions against being baptized, I say, what the hell. Let him be baptized. If the Xtian God exists, there are good scriptural reasons for the baptism not taking.

It would anger me too as I'm putting myself in his shoes. I’m sure neither your dad or you would dishonor her by not allowing her a religious service. Funerals are for the living, he won’t know the difference but I believe the memory of what he believed and stood for should have been respected as that is the part of him that lives on.

You were right all along SunnySmiles, but being upset changes nothing and only makes you feel bad.

I feel sorry for people like your father's wife who let other people exploit their superstitions.