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Soulmates: do they exist?

Ive had this idea floating around my head for a few days. At first thought the idea of soulmates or partners meant for one another doesn't inherently scream religion but then when I take a minute to think about it, isn't it religious based? Maybe this is a no brainier for some of you but I guess I never sat down and thought it through. I don't really believe in soulmates exactly but the idea of the right match being out there somewhere is nice. I know theirs science out there to base attraction, ect on but I guess I'm just curious to see if anyone else has put any thought into this. Soulmates would suggest divine intervention simply bc your prepartnered with someone and then later destined to meet them. I guess a part of my romantic side is dieing a little bit with this thought process, I'd just be interested to see what different people in our community to have to say about it.

Gypsy31771 6 June 24

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48 comments

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1

I would not refer to someone as a soulmate because that would lead to some ethereal belief that somehow in the ether you were separated and that is too much religious connotation for me. A monogamous magnanimous lifetime companion would be more suitable. Have not come across such an individual in all of my adventures.

azzow2 Level 9 June 25, 2018
10

"Soulmate" is a fantasy pushed by Disney, advertising, rom-coms and stupid romance books.

Suddenly you're struck by romantic lightning, running through a flowery field with butterflies and birds fluttering about, into the arms of ....CUT.

What's that tingling feeling? Ticks.

I despise dating women who buy into Disney BS and some really act like their main responsibility in a relationship is to look pretty and be kissed, much less of that as I age thank Aphrodite!

There are soul mates not everyone finds their own , it has nothing to do with Walt but body chemistry plays a big part ..

8

I don't think of soulmates in a religious sense, but someone who you have a very strong mutual connection with and affection for. I don't think soulmates are strictly romantic, either; some of my closest friends are soulmates to me. That also being said, I don't think there's one soulmate for each person, but many we'll encounter in our lifetime.

Yes, I agree!

7

My personal view is...romantics may have theorized from that early attraction humans have for one another, that people must be ‘soul mated!’ But, a BIG portion of those people stay together but seem to loose that ‘soul mate’ feeling for each other and others split up. They seem to completely loose whatever attraction they had. But, I believe that when partners work well together, it makes for a happy life and may only appear to be like soul mates (as in some out of this world ordained). Maybe it has more to do with ‘bonding’ than soul mates. Bonding would allow the parties to value the other person as themselves! Thus you would have high regard for one another.

That is pretty much how it works but you are always happy to be with each other and you never get bored you always find the other person attractive and entertaining , it does happen just not to everyone !!

7

I just look at it as someone with whom you have great chemistry. My brother is a soulmate. We have played music professionally for over 35 years. My best friend since l was 14 is a soul mate. There have been a couple of relationships in my life that had that feel about them.

4

You're asking a bunch of people who don't believe in the soul if soulmates exist.

😛

I jest, and I understand what you're saying.

No. Soulmates don't exist. It is bullshit. You have a very small chance of finding someone compatible enough to last either of your lifetimes. You've a slightly less small chance of finding someone that will stay with you for more than 10 years.

Committed, long-term relationships are rare. And they take a lot of work, from both parties, and a lot of luck.

They don't just happen. They aren't destined.

SirJet Level 5 June 25, 2018

It isn't about being "compatible enough to last either of your lifetimes"... It's about growing together through a lifetime... People change as they age, most people grow apart, some people later realize that their reasons for entering the relationship aren't right for them at present, and very few people grow and change together through a lifetime.

@Joenobody Compatible is not a static state. I agree, and concur.

4

I think of a soulmate as being the person that you need at that time of your life. If you had met them earlier (for example, before your divorce), you would have passed them by. Now that you have a specific need, they answer it. When I met my Bob, who I loved dearly, he was exactly what I needed,,,kind and honest. I wasn't sure it would last forever when we married, but for 17 years (until he died) we had a great relationship. My point is that I don't think a soulmate equates with any divinity.

3

Well I don't necisarily believe in souls, so that throws a pretty big wrench in the idea of soulmates. And even if I did I'd still be extremely sceptical of the idea. I mean would the wold owe us a mate like that? Also do we assume you can only have one soulmate or that a soulmate has be a romantic relationship? It just doesn't make any sence to me.

Yarrow Level 2 June 27, 2018
3

The thought that there's only one person out there that you need to find out of a sea of 7.5 billion is a bit ridiculous, as that makes needles and haystacks look like child's play. What makes someone your match is the mutual commitment and caring that are built between you and someone that is sufficiently compatible to begin with. If there's some real compatibility there, and both are committed to similar goals with respect to each other, something great and unique is going to get built.

I agree it's just nonsense. And hell I've been married 34 years.

3

I think they're rarer than winning the lottery jackpot, but they do.

Paul Newman and Joanne Woodward come to mind.

3

Humans are designed by evolution to love, it is obnoxiously easy and common for us to find others to love. What is kind of tragic is that we are so love obsessed that we don't recognize how much it is in our lives and around us, we take it for granted and obsess over any place we see an absence until we think love is rare. Now, when it comes to soulmates, there are a couple of problems. Because we are designed to love, we can find 10s of thousands of fellow humans that we are compatible with and live wonderful lives with, but we stop looking once we hit on one of them and that can cause us to think it is somewhat magical since we are unaware of all the other perfectly rich lives with other compatible suitors. I mean, the chances that out of the 7 billion people on the planet your soulmate happens to live in your town, is the sex of your preference, attractive, somewhat close in age, you 2 meet, and the person loves you in return, seems phenomenal, but why are you thinking there is only one person in the world that you are compatible with in the first place? That seems absurd and evolutionarily nonsensical.

2

I think they do, although not necessarily as a romantic partner. I think they are ppl in our lives who will have a significant impact on our growth.. some of the growth will be painful and perhaps caused by them, but that is their role. They are one of our greatest teachers!

2

I've adopted a more colloquial approach to the term 'soulmate' as meaning someone with whom you really click in many lifestyle/philosophical ways beyond just chemistry, without applying a higher power to the mix. While I believe the phenomenon of soulmates exists, I still contend that ultimately any relationship is still subject to the challenges of time and change and requires work to sustain itself and move forward, no matter how deep the initial connection is.

2

I certainly think that there are people who are more compatible as a couple than others. I also think that if you meet someone and the compatibility is there, it takes continued effort from both, to make the relationship work.
The idea of Soul Mates may be a nice thought. And while it may have religious overtones, I think it's used more to express a deep connection with a significant other, rather than admitting to some connection with God(s) or the presence of an actual soul.

scurry Level 8 June 25, 2018
2

It's a pretty idea but I have never seen it. I know of people who are extremely compatible. But it can be hard to determine the actually compatible from the delusional. I have also seen professed "soulmates" break up and have the divorce from hell. So, as a realist, I would say no. A girl just has to kiss a freakin' lot of frogs in order to find her prince.

Deb57 Level 8 June 25, 2018
2

It is only a commonly used term, whatever the etiology, describing a bond so apparently compatible that those experiencing it feel as though 'fate has taken a hand'. Sometimes others call especially compatible people soul mates. Given the size of populations, there must be many people who, under the right circumstances, would qualify.

I think the way people bond is similar to how chemicals bond. An atom or compound will have what we used to call (possibly still) an 'outer orbit'. The right number of electrons in that outer orbit was thought to determine the presence or absence of attraction in forming chemical bonds; some more and less complicated and some more and less stable.

In living and observing life while also aware that we literally are walking chemistry sets, I see functional similarities in how some people attract for solid bonds and others weaker. Soul mates seem to be the optimal situation but not perfect; there really being no such thing.

2

I don't use the term soul mate, but I know what you mean. I had mine for 38 years. See... people get into relationships for themselves. That's why they don't work. When you open yourself and let someone in, whatever the start maybe. You find you love each other, the relationship becomes the other person. In our case.... the other was more important then self. As long as both think/feel this way.

2

I think most of us think of soulmates as being religious based. But most of us also use terms and turn of phases that also have their roots in religion. For example if I'm frustrated at something I might say "god damnit". In a similar way I have been know to talk about someone's "soul" but when referring to it I am only talking about someone's essence, their behavioral makeup. So if you wanted to use the term soulmates in that context I think you could without being hypocritical to your lack of religious belief.

2

Bingo. You got it.

There are no soulmates in the sense of a best destiny chosen for you by some version of a deity. There is no directed destiny and there is no soul.

There are just people who could potentially feel like soulmates. In fact I'd suggest there are moments in most relationships (usually early on, sadly) where it feels like that. Or where it feels like you've beat tremendous odds. For example when I was getting to know my current wife, she had experienced a number of things in life that made my rather baroque and complicated past relatable to her, and of course, the inverse was conveniently true as well. That felt good. But that didn't make it some sort of "meant to be" thing, it made it an opportunity to seize.

2

I think it's easy to get caught up in terms and lose scope of the concept. For me, the term 'soul' is just consciousness - what ever that is. It's kinda like Christmas, I celebrate the holiday, even if the name 'christ' means nothing to me.

I have only been with two women in my entire life that I would call "soul mates"... Aside from my marriage, 12 years in total, my other relationships last two to three years on average, so I have been around enough women to know what I don't want - the rare instances where everything was right, when it feels like the stars have aligned and the world is at the feet of you and your mate; when you can look in each other's eyes and don't need to speak to know what each other is thinking; every moment together is like nothing else matters, something way beyond love that you cannot identify - that, in a nutshell is what I call a soul mate, and it's only happened for me twice (and no, my wife wasn't one of them).

I understand what you are saying about holding on to romanticism, I do the same whether it makes sense or not. Love at any level kind of doesn't make a lot of sense, as humans, I think most of us need it - rationality be damned, lol 😉

2

IMHO opinion the concept of "soulmates" is found everywhere in nature.. penguins as an example.. no need of the supernatural

"(In my honest opinion) opinion" 😛

@joeymf86 yeah I noticed that too late ?? and I am too lazy to edit it..

1

I believe that soul mates can happen. Not to be confused with the religious part. Some are just designed to be with each other. It happens. Same goes with do you believe in a love a first sight? It sometimes happens.

1

I think soul-mates can be made. I even have a word for this: "soul-twinning". It's a process, and I dare you to see how far you can take it...

Deveno Level 7 June 29, 2018
1

It s a word thats commonly used and I never really thought about it till you said - I don't use it not because it has religious undertones but because i just call my bezzie mate my bezzie mate.I never grew up with a god so for a lot of the language I don't really 'get' that there is religious undertones.

Strangely I have lived in a lot of different places and it is accents that please me more than words - Newcastle-upon-Tyne is delicious- I hang around in shops just to hear people speak I love local dialects and mostly havent a baldie what they are saying . I am from the smallest borough in London, Lee Green, but my family were cockneys before they moved here before I was born. You have to be pretty on the ball to understand a cockney.

jacpod Level 8 June 27, 2018
1

Soulmates have always appeared to me as a terrible burden on one's own growth and development as a person. The amount of effort that goes into keeping a relationship alive and valid is work wnough for me. I think of a soulmate as apiece of dovetail joinery. Both parts have to change and adjust to their environmentexactly the same way, to the same degree. or the perfect joint comes apart.

1

I think the pagans (Christian snob word) came up with it. It is simply a mechanism to be monogamous for life. It is what you make of it. But, for me, no there are no soul mates. Only people you feel close to.

xyz123 Level 7 June 25, 2018
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