Sorry you feel that way. I would think then you would assume that I had lived in a rubber room for a long time.

@bleurowz You put words in his mouth he didn't say. He was referring to himself and his own sexuality NOT yours. And I agree with him. While I am celibate now, I had a healthy apetite when younger and couldn't have held on to my virginity even if I'd been religious. At my age now, I would expect a man to have experience enough to pique my curiosity.

@MsDemeanour Nothing wrong with having an appetite for sex. But let's take the word "healthy" out and just call it an appetite. Because I had appetites, too, but casual sex was not my thing and I was not ready to find a partner. So I would not assume that was "unhealthy" although many people just assume that by a certain age it is.

Some older virgins are asexual. Not all though.

You will find someone, I am sure.

@bleurowz Such optimism!

@Sticks48 Gotta be. The alternative makes me feel hopeless. I think it's more I'm a realist though. Hopeful, but realistic. It's not easy to meet people, all we can do is what we can, leave the rest alone, and hope for the best.

@bleurowz l feel your optimism slipping away.

@Sticks48 It comes and goes.

when you say 'you're going to start feeling like a virgin' ......do you mean your so keen you'll take a virgin OR that you yourself will feel virginal? It's a tad ambiguous

@Sticks48 hahaha . you must be american

@MsDemeanour l plainly stated "feel like", not "feel like having." You must not be an American. ☺

@Sticks48 Interesting the different semantics then. So you wouldnt say for example "I feel like sex". You would say "I feel like having sex". Language is fascinating to me.

@MsDemeanour l see your point. English can.be a confusing language. As l don't speak another language, l don't know how other languages compare.

I know some people who were much older than that.

@bleurowz Then my statement should read 40+. Age doesn't matter. We're all evolving at different paces. There's some real clodhoppers out there who go through the motions of sex without any consideration for their partners and somehow that makes them more evolved or worthwhile than a person who hasn't ever had sex? Man, as a species, we definitely need to re-eval our priorities.

@crazycurlz Thank you for saying that.

@bleurowz your welcome. And I could go a step further. I think that ANYTIME someone breaks the bounds of social norms and strikes out on their own, that individual, (assuming they 1. persist 2. do no harm to others and 3. develop confidence in the face of ridicule) becomes a much needed leader in community. The world is full of bullshit and full of leaders who are power hunger and wretched (yes, there are some gems out there). Life should not be lived in conformity. If we're to survive as a species, we need to be happier and the only way forward is self acceptance and often that door to self acceptance has been accessed through deviation from the norm. Love yourself as you are, bleu. Don't let others define your self worth.

@crazycurlz Thank you again.

@crazycurlz Well stated, I agree.

@SpikeTalon ty

Agreed. But is there a "cutoff"? Because I know some people who were much older than 40, and other than that they were very mature, independent, and lovely people.

@bleurowz

I think it depends on the person. Some people are asexual. Sex doesn't matter to them.

It's not a big deal.

@Ellatynemouth That's true. But not every older virgin is asexual.

@Ellatynemouth I was one and I'm not.

@Ellatynemouth

Hell, I'd probably be the President of the United States, have published nine best selling books and released three hit albums by now if that was me.

@webbew1 Yes, because only virgins can do those things.

Yes, absolutely.

Thank you for saying that. I was grateful to find someone who felt that way.

Thanks. It wasn't restraint for me holding out as it was I just wasn't ready. Had some health issues and problems with social anxiety, and I wasn't into casual relationships. When I was ready, I was wondering if there was anyone out there. I was very fortunate to find someone who didn't care about my past. What I had with him didn't last long, but I was very grateful for it. And I was so ready.

Sorry you feel that way. To miss out on getting to know someone just because they haven't had a dick in a hole is kind of sad.

I was very grateful to meet someone who didn't feel that way.

Come to think of it, what you said would be my deal-breaker.

@bleurowz That's totally understandable and kind of obvious that you would feel that way. Not everyone is compatible sexually or in deep relationship. That doesn't mean I couldn't be your friend. I wish you the best in any case.

@bleurowz Extremely.

@HonkyBMcfunky Your loss! By the way, I'm not one anymore. And if that would have been the one thing that would have changed your mind about someone like me, that would speak volumes.

That is VERY hyperbolic and sex is not an essential like breathing or eating, not even in the slightest. You may feel that way due to your (potentially) high sex drive, but people can live happy and healthy lives without sex. They cannot without breathing or sustenance.

@bleurowz you seem angry and I don't knew why. I'm sorry that what I said bothered you.

@bleurowz, @demifeministgal we disagree. For many people, it is.

@HonkyBMcfunky oh really? Can you provide evidence of people that are dying out due to lack of sex? I won't hold my breath :/

@demifeministgal If I've been imprecise, I apologize. Still, let's not make straw men. I said almost as important. Obviously, the list is air, water, food, shelter, immediate safety... from there, social recognition and acceptance fall in line. Some people experience this through sex. If you don't think sex has a very large influence on a person's mental health, then I have to wonder if you don't have some very strong bias compelling you to deny that fact.

@HonkyBMcfunky Didn't have an influence on my mental health. I'm not angry, only pointing out it's wrong to assume. Everyone has a right to their preferences, but to say something is wrong with someone whose experience you don't understand is unfair.

@bleurowz I never said anyone was wrong to have their particular preference; merely that it is common to want regularly. How regularly? That is individual preference.

Let's keep it simple: if you never have , that's totally your deal. If you want to be having constantly, also your deal. The extremes often denote imbalance, but not necessarily. I haven't drawn any concrete judgement on anyone. Clearly, you have a worldview that feels bothered by my observations on sexuality and I really don't know . who and what you want as long as it is consensual. I don't care.

You asked about societal feelings on people that wait a long time to have and I have an answer that is fair. If you disagree or don't want to be a friend, that's ok... world keeps turning...

@HonkyBMcfunky Your take.

@HonkyBMcfunky Well then we agree it would not fall under necessities and physiological needs (according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs) but rather fall at a higher level and is thus not needed for survival.

@demifeministgal Don't be rediculous. If it wasn't a biological need, our species would've died out. You may have an abnormally low sex drive and need for intimacy but for most of us it is a primary need.

@MsDemeanour No sweetie this is NOT about me. Just because I acknowledge asexual people exist or people with low(er) sex drives exist, does not make me one of said people. And who are YOU to dictate what is abnormally low or not? Perhaps the real issue is your sex drive is abnormally high.

@MsDemeanour Also learn the difference between individual needs for survival and species survival. CLEARLY the person was remarking on an individual basis, not on a species level as your comment indicates.

@demifeministgal I was responding to your comment below. How come 'sweety' I am not allowed to generalise but you are?

"@HonkyBMcfunky Well then we agree it would not fall under necessities and physiological needs (according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs) but rather fall at a higher level and is thus not needed for survival.

@MsDemeanour I was stating facts. On an individual level humans can survive without sex and asexuals exist. You made it personal and said I have an abnormal sex drive. But in the end who are you? Some expert? No some random lady on the internet with an uninformed opinion. So whatever.

@demifeministgal my opinion is just as valid as yours, Unless you want to show me your published research on the topic. Otherwise I would say my opinion is quite informed. We aren't pandas on the road to extinction. In fact humans are way overpopulated in this world. You say humans can live without sex but they can also live homeless, friendless, and on limited food. It is no way to thrive however.

Sorry you feel that way. Some adult virgins may have something to teach you.

I'm gathering his virginity was not the red flag but everything else was. In other words, if all these things were the same but he wasn't a virgin you would be just as inclined not to date him.

Just saying, not all older virgins fit that stereotype.

@bleurowz Exactly. He was a living breathing red flag!

You may be interested to know that the phenomena is not purely a straight white male phenomenon, there are gay incels of both sexes and a growing awareness of "femcels" straight female incels who are banding together and forming groups on the internet to be just as hateful to men as there male equivalent are to women or other gay men.
It is loneliness born of a fear to interact manifesting in frustration and childish vitriol
Basically there is nothing new about this Rick Mayall and Ade Edmondson were taking the mick out of these pathetic losers years ago in their TV and stage show "Bottom"

@LenHazell53 Thanks for that. I hadn’t heard of femcels.

She's not. But I do know some people who were older. Who were rejected for no other reason than this. One person was actually told she was sick in the head. And we don't assume that people who have hemorroids are sick in the head.

@bleurowz
Being a virgin at any age isn't weird bragging about being a virgin at 50 is the weird part. I think the kids call that tmi

@Anonbene She wasn't bragging. She was crying.

Thank you for saying this. Unfortunately a lot of people automatically think there's something wrong with you if you're an older virgin. It's really a biased assumption.

I've heard of research that women become sexually active about 2 years after their first menstruation. The norm for losing your virginity can be anywhere from 14 to 24 years old. Yes, if you are still a virgin older than that, there is something wrong. The fact that you don't understand that, is in of itself, something wrong. Not being "normal" is not a crime. Perhaps I shouldn't call it "wrong" as it is "not normal".

@novoxguy I agree. I am pleased that you acknowledge that women's sex drive can be just as strong as males. Social constraints have demonised sexually active women in the past. Women are still called sluts while men are studs. Sex, the biological urge to procreate, is as natural as sleep and food. If one chooses to go against the norm, that is entirely their business, but it is not the norm.

Not everyone has a sex drive, some are hindered by societal or religious pressures, and yet others don't see the big deal about sex. Everyone's experience and opinion will flavor their view on any given subject, but I still don't see why anyone would waste time analyzing something so personal. If considering entering into a relationship with an "older virgin", then, sure, I might question why that is the case. The "norm" is merely the center point from which extremes radiate. We are all different, and for myriad reasons.

Agreed. It puts a lot of pressure on people who are not ready.

Some people have a harder time finding it until they're older. They shouldn't feel shamed or judged for it.

True. I'm sorry you went through that. I was feeling a lot of self-pity too. It's a shame we put so much emphasis on sexual experience in our culture. As someone else stated here, our obsession with it is very tiresome. I'm glad to hear you've had better experiences since then. I hope I do, too.

Easy for some people. Not for others.

Well, I don't think her virginity is what got her into that situation. It's unfair to assume that all adult virgins are messed up. There are a lot of women in their late 30's who are simply desperate to have a child because their biological clock is winding down, and I would guarantee it's not because they're virgins. For someone like me, I didn't hold onto it because it was "precious," but simply because I wasn't ready. If you didn't have an assumption about her it may have worked out, if that was the only factor that was the deal-breaker. But I guess you'll never know.

@bleurowz But how would you know when you are ready?

@PontifexMarximus For me, it was a combination of things. It was getting past issues that were keeping me from getting close to people physically and emotionally. It was feeling more comfortable and confident in my every-day life and in my friendships and other relationships. It was learning to feel good about my body, learning what I liked and what I would need from someone who would be a potential partner. For the most part, all these things had to do with trust - trust in myself and the willingness to trust someone else in an intimate way. And then it was allowing myself to reach out and accept the uncertainty of what I would find, that I would allow myself to deal with whatever the outcome. That's how I knew when I was ready.

@bleurowz thank you for your honest answer.