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Would you marry for money or more freedom?

Let's say you deeply like this person. But, do not know if it is true love.

Castlepaloma 7 Dec 31

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I see no reason to marry anyone. It's nothing more than an antiquated social/legal construct that benefits only the government and divorce lawyers.
No relationship needs the government's "blessing" to make it valid.

No reason, that is, until you need a say in the care of your tragically ill partner against the meddling ill intent of relatives who would push you out of the picture. Or until the government comes in as sucks away much of the inheritance. There are a few but powerful logistical advantages to marriage, along with the complications.

Mike, I don't have any issue with marriage equality, and if any two people want to marry, they should be able to do so legally. However, there are other ways to accomplish dealing with the issues you mentioned without getting married. Legal papers can be drawn up in advance to deal with those "logistical" issues. Advance directives, Power of Attorney, etc. Nothing like a good will. Oh, and with the new and improved GOP tax plan, inheritance taxes are handled, provided you're rich. I stand by my original statement.

@MikeInBatonRouge I think a person could appoint a power of attorney in the case of decisions regarding healthcare

I have worked in hospital settings. Years ago I was a medical hospital social worker. I can tell you, regardless of living will, legal next of kin carry clout, hospitals want to avoid being sued by them, and living wills are viewed as suggestions, not as legally binding. If next of kin contest them, good luck stopping them. Marriage is the most powerful leverage in those cases.

@MikeInBatonRouge I believe you are correct Mike. Have a friend whose bf was shot by police. They had a house together, cars, but weren't married. It was a nightmare for her.
Some people are also funny about ACDs as it's kind of morbid. My dh did not go over the ACD until a week prior to his demise.

People don't understand what a mess it is to begin with until they're there as it is when married much less not.

When you look at a woman you are thinking about marrying. You ask? is this the woman I have to give half my stuff to.? In each case I always had more money and stuff.

When divorce is going to be the most painful experince in your life, second to death. It is wise to look at other alternatives to bond you together, rather than break you.

@Castlepaloma I may be wrong but whatever you acquired before marriage doesn't get divided upon divorce.

In the U.S., divorce rules vary from state to state. Duschessa, you're right, at least in my state of Louisiana. However, it's still a costly mess in terms of legal fees if either party contests the division of property. Sometimes it seems the attorneys get more than anyone else. I've heard some counseling patients who have gone through horrible experiences with this, but also some that were stripped of their right to the product of years of their own hard work and investment, because they didn't have the "protection" of marital status. Like I said above, it's a mixed bag of risks and benefits.


I got the Freedom I wanted... the Money I earned... You Can Not Buy Me.


One of my favorite bits of advice- if you marry a man for his money you will earn every penny.


Money only offers a certain kind of freedom if its YOUR money. If someone else holds the purse strings, you are beholden to them. That's a consideration to take cautiously.

Well said, Mike.

What if both hold the purse strings. It needn't or should not be one or the other.

Well. Right. Both means that each has adequate income. Sometimes. A person leaving quite modestly is getting by on their own but with marriage may come a significant change in lifestyle and living situation due to adjusting to their partner's standard, and suddenly that person can no longer meet all their own expenses.


At this point in time, it's difficult to come up with any reason to marry someone. Except maybe in my last few years, so they would get all my stuff uncontested.

But then - a well written will can take care of that.


I have worked with some of the richest people in the world and I have to say that I saw very little evidence of 'happiness' they rarely smiled.


If you are not sure, don't.


I would marry if I thought the person was my best friend, love is fleeting. I want to know I will enjoy their company, and be able to talk to and trust them. Money is great, not a marrying point. Freedom is a given.


Not sure where the "more freedom" comes in unless you are marrying into an "open" marriage (in which case other than for financial and estate purposes, why would you). Marrying for money? Hey, whatever floats your boat. To those saying they know a lot of miserable rich people, you will find miserable people in every bracket and it sure makes life easier when you have one less thing to worry about.


I will never remarry, there is no financial benefit if I marry, unless he gives me a couple million. I'm more looking for a very long term shack up.

haha, I don't even want that, just a long term/medium term live apart but close enough to have adventures and do things together.


Re. "Let's say you deeply like this person. But, do not know if it is true love."
Define "true love." There are a variety of different definitions. If I enjoy someone's company, enjoy talking to them, and am comfortable with physical affection and more, That's close enough for me.
I believe romantic relationships tend to start hormonally, and over time as the two get to know and understand each other better and better, they either split up, stay together but are miserable, OR, hopefully, their friendship and care for each other deepens, even as physical fireworks may mellow out significantly. That's stlll love; just different than at first.

I define love as when two people or thing is stronger together than apart. With many little acts of kindness and attention.

Okay, fair enough. Sometimes people mean some notion of "soulmate," which brings notions of divinely ordained "meant-to-be-together" status. Magical thinking. It is always going to depend some on our perceptions to some significant extent. I don't believe there is any absolute "true" or "untrue" concrete status, because it still depends on feelings and perceptions, which can change.


I am just getting by financially after a divorce and co-parenting expenses. I am not complaining. Dated a guy with money for a few months. He wanted to buy me a house, but he moved in financial circles that are simply foreign to me, and I would have stayed with him if we could relate better, but I ended it because our religious and political differences were just too big--he never wanted to talk about those things, but that doesn't work for me. So No, I would not marry for money, but I won't reject someone just because they have it, either.

I recall a couple examples of friends who were "taken care of" by spouses, who found out just how vulnerable they were financially when the relationships went south and they were left with little or nothing in their own name. If I find love again, I am not put out by the idea of helping the other if he's struggling more financially than I am; similarly, I would accept some generosity from my more financially secure hypothetical partner. But I would hope both of us could feel capable of supporting ourselves if push came to shove. I want my own little plot of land, for example, even if living with a partner in another home, just for that peace of mind of having options. Feeling truly dependent on another person is a significant impediment, in my opinion, to genuine partnership.


hmm, don't understand the freedom, a very wealthy woman asked me to marry her about 8 years ago, she offered to take me all around the world and buy a house anywhere I wanted to live. We had some fun times briefly, but I never had strong feelings for her, very controlling and self centered. But hey, how many overweight 52 year olds get such offers from wealthy Olympic Gold Medalists? No, she wasn't a Russian Weightlifter. Did the ego good in a way.


@btroje No thankfully, darts.


Freedom from what?

Good question, freedom from what?. That would depend on the individual situation and both perspective.

When in love for 10 year with my partner, it created the most freedom I have ever experienced.

If I accept just deep like, it may not be enough to create such energy and freedom.

@Castlepaloma You mean like the freedom to be your authentic self with somebody else?

I asked the question because I wanted to know what you (personally) meant by it when you made the post.

Hmm confession.

I have a girlfriend in Bolivia, that is like being married. She is open minded and well off. It would make things much easier to legally marry her for immigration and partnership reason. I deeply like her and she is into me romantically. It would help my top dream and freedom to finally build my eco village there.

The problem is, it takes time for love to grow, like a rose. Normally, I don't approve how marriage generally works in North America with cold relationship and too many advances the Government takes on against you.

Down here in Bolivia, you don't just marry the woman you marry whole the family too.
Can imagine this is a better situation than what is going on here in Canada for me.

@Castlepaloma I know the feeling of what it's like to marry the whole family. It's stressful. I think really knowing someone and loving who they are and how they make you feel is a top priority for me. I did marry someone that I really liked a lot and loved but I wasn't in love with him. That was my second marriage. With my first marriage, I was deeply in love with my late husband when we got married, and it wasn't just about being in love with being in love. I loved the person he was, and I loved the person I was when I was with him. We brought out the best in each other. We were best friends.

@Castlepaloma I have lived in several places and I have found it is not about where one lives but with whom. One can have a great marriage anywhere.

I disagree with the family thing. It's hard enough to love one person never mind a whole family. In my experiences the idea of "Blood being thicker than Water" often means the family members will be on the side of their family member no matter what and the outsider is just that. I lost 2 partners because of the family members sticking their noses in our relationship (but I got even by having it turn out for my good and the family member is still suffering). My late partner put our relationship at the top and when the family members got in her way she sent them off (literally).

@VictoriaNotes see my reply to Castlepaloma

"Freedom From" Religion; Sounds funny but in actuality I became much more committed through my late partner. When we were conversing on the phone (for 2 months) I was nervous how she felt about religion. I found out she was a lifelong committed atheist (from a Moslem country). Because of her I was better able to see the damage religion causes (she saw what it did to her country - Iran) and we both became activists for the cause. She actually was a force (funny story) behind me becoming a FFRF after-life member. Her group became the Humanists and now I am a member of them as well. Through me she became an in-you-face vegetarian. Relationships can be empowering but only if BOTH are willing.

I think it is often too easy to stereotype issues here on this site and I hope I can add a bit of complexity to things.

Yes, my ultimate love would be my partner first. If any family or friend member gets in the way, we both must decide to put them into their place.

Good point.


Marrying for "more freedom" seems contradictory to me. Whatever, I was happily married for 21 years, but she died, and that ain't gonna happen again. Been on my own too long.


I wouldn't get married but a partnership is a connection not about money.


If there were enough zeros between the first number and the decimal point, absolutely.


You have $$$ and you'll give me lots of it if I marry you? Are you sure you want to be in an open relationship with a man who regularly works with beautiful young women? Are you going to hire the lawyer to draw up the prenups?

SURE!!! Let's do this!!!


Prenuptial agreement...I'll definitely want all this in writing!

I edited it. Sticky kb!


Why marry? Enjoy the friendly relationship as it is - no pressure, no duty responsibilities, just enjoyment unless the other party is pushing for an answer. Then --- you have a problem.

PEGUS Level 5 Dec 31, 2017



If you don't know, it's not true love.

It is easy for People to say they love someone after a year or two, and then most realationship fall apart within 3 year.

You know you love someone after 10 years or more by experience.


I don't think I would. If you're not sure, you're not in love, I don't think, and aside from that, I only need enough money to live comfortabluly and donate some extra. If I did marry for one of those reasons mentioned in the question, I think it'd be a mistake.


Tricky situations. But in relationships you can never be sure. Just take the plunge if you are interested in relationships. We are bound to make mistakes. None is perfect. So you make mistakes. You try to correct it. If it's beyond that you leave it. Then move on.


I'm not keen on marriage but, if there's a wealthy woman on here who wants to be my sugar mama, I might reconsider.

Start advertising for a sugar mama, just be careful what you wish for.

Slavery is still at large in the world and with a pussysabertooth it could get ugly.


How about skipping past the guilt-phase of trying to analyze the emotion...and just do it? Place a rose on their doorstep.

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