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Living single? Loneliness or freedom?

I discover how much i love my integrity...that being alone is not hard at all. And I enjoy life ever since!
What do you think?

lalaland52 5 Jan 1

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33 comments

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11

I rarely get lonely being single. I felt far more loneliness when I was married. I love how you put it "I discovered how much I love my integrity" --- defined as a state of being whole and undiminished.

Thank you! I see it as a state of mind! Society, or how we are raised, made us believe we are not whole if we are single!!!!! So not true!!!!!

I have felt lonely in a relationship before, even when the person was sleeping right next to me. I have been single for the majority of 7-8 years now, and I really miss having someone, both for physical touch, but even more to have someone to tell my stories to on a regular basis.

@Wit-and-Wonder I can understand that. I have been single for the same amount of time (by choice), and I feel fortunate that I get physical touch from my family and friends. My daughter, who is grown now, is also a big hugger. I did go through a stage of missing someone to tell my stories too, but blogging really helps curtail that, and I have wonderful friends I've met online (through the blogosphere), and have met some of them IRL. We have huge hug fests when we get together. Lol

@VictoriaNotes Hmmm I never thought of using blogging as an outlet. I have a hard time sharing with large groups of people, but it's easier amongst like-minded people, I'm sure.

@Wit-and-Wonder I did too. I started blogging in 2010, and it took me 3 years to get the courage to share personally with a wide audience. But, I have no regrets. Blogging has significantly enriched my life.

8

Both. I enjoy some aspects of being alone: not having to share my space, talk, or listen when I don't feel like it; eating M&Ms for dinner without judgment 🙂, not dealing with someone else's moods... But...

I miss cuddling, sharing finances, regular sex, having someone else take the reins when I'm physically or emotionally exhausted...

8

It is both freedom and loneliness. There are trade offs. Singles can make instant plans w/o checking with a partner. On the other hand, it gives comfort and security to have an S.O. So, part good and part bad.

SKH78 Level 8 Jan 1, 2018
8

Yes, physical touch is only thing I miss!

Touch is important. I have animals a cat dogs ferrets and bunnies plus my 6 year old twins, there is nothing like the touch of a lover. I have been alone since 2013 not even been kissed since. Thinking of holding hands and feeling heart beats is long dwelt upon memories.

6

Both. Still new to me, singlehood may be winning… It’s not that I don’t miss the closeness I had with a one-time wife and children, but can’t imagine being that close to anyone else. I still consider the possibility, am a caregiver by nature, and feel I’ve a lot to share..

Otherwise, shit yes! Up when you want, late as you want, anywhere you want, anyone you want (to spend time with)... No second guessing, explanations, compromise, disappointment, expectations… A serious list ~

Varn Level 8 Jan 1, 2018
6

Single - with cats. Occasional bouts of loneliness - but nothing unbearable. Mostly a peaceful, productive way to be ! And yes - great freedom.

Though I'll admit - some intimate moments would sure be welcome ... (grin)

@MrLizard this time of year seems to bring that out in many people - even those living with other people. Melancholy , missing those we lost , thinking back to old family traditions, seeing constant images that make the rest of the world seem all happy and trouble free, when it's really not.

@MrLizard No, I wasn't implying depression so much as all those things can exacerbate the feeling of being alone. But yeah - for sure the cold is a challenge. And yet a good portion of the country right now, would probably prefer to be here !

I too, am single with cats. I am a Crazy Cat Lady. My furbabies give me affection. But there are times when I wish I had a Human to give affection.

5

The stimulation of sensory input is missing. The bumpy ride of emotion is not missed. The sharing of memories is missed. Levity is missed. Complaining is not missed.

4

Both, actually. As a widower, I obviously feel some degree of loneliness, but it is no longer the sort that tears you up inside, the sort I felt for the first several years after my wife's death. I am not lonely because there is no woman in my life; I am lonely because that specific woman is no longer in my life. I won't rule out becoming involved again, but the longer I am single, the less likely it becomes as I come to appreciate my freedom more by the day.

4

Both. I've been cruising along in family mode for eleven years since my husband passed. Decision making is a breeze, and I don't have to compromise very much. On the other hand, I miss having someone to bounce my thoughts off of and to lean on when things get particularly tough. The complete absence of physicsl affection for so long has also probably made me pretty darned weird.

Zster Level 8 Jan 1, 2018
3

I feel both, but I really like living alone. No pressure or expectations or needing to live up to someone else's ideal of me. I did spend NYE with just my pets which was a little depressing, but it was a nice, quiet evening.

3

Being along should not be confused with being lonely. I love my freedom but I also like to share things with someone that is on the same page as myself. I have been living alone for many yrs. Never once did I see this as being lonely or desperate or anything where I feel I have to find something to fill that void. One must find themselves first before they can find another.

3

It really depends on one's personality and experiences. I was married (7 Yrs) and lived with another for a long time (12 yrs). They did not work out and was glad to be alone. When I lived in Seattle there was a big singles group which had more than enough socializing events to keep one busy and happy and I was satisfied. Sex is usually available but one's personality can be a limiting thing (like meaning transcending physicality).

I took a personality test and it showed introvertism and a need to make my own decisions on my own time. However, most of us evolve (or should) and things change. My late partner showed me (us) that one can have the best of both worlds ESPECIALLY when there are no big distractions like kids or jobs or emotional/physical baggage. Where I am living now there is an unbelievable sense of community, activism and connectedness. But sometimes I feel it is not quite enough.

3

Definitely freedom...

3

Living single with 7 other people, my dog Sassy and my cat Zeus. Miss being in a committed relationship: the physical intimacy, sharing thoughts, feelings and ideas with a man and feeling loved and wanted.

2

It's a combination. As others have mentioned, it's not a matter of NEEDING someone to be with, it's about a want. Perfectly happy by myself but I often find myself wishing I could find someone that I actually want to spend time with and would feel the same about me. A healthy relationship is beneficial to both parties, not one or the other.

2

Definitely both. On the one hand my whole house is my man cave, on the other hand I'd like to have a steady girlfriend who stays over a lot... I am leery about getting married or living with someone again. One issue is control of my environment, and the other for me is the financial exposure.

2

a bit of both

2

Simply put, try to have a successful marriage - but if you can't live happily single, you certainly cannot live happily married.

2

It's both in my opinion, you have times of loneliness but you also have the freedom to do what ever you please. As soon as I throw a girlfriend into the mix my life changes in the things I'll do, ie, I'll spend less time on my game with my friends and spend more time with my girl. It has its positives and negatives.

Get someone that'll play with you, obviously! xD

Harder to find than you think.

1

Little of column A, little of column B. I fail to fit into a mold, and it's so uncomfortable to try. But I drove up and was around family last week, and it is rather meloncholy to see the others together while I am alone. Meh.

Because we are brainwashed by sociaety that being single is wrong, it is not....enjoy your solitude .....every..... single .....minute

When you are ready, you will look around and find similar soul , for now you are right where you needed to be

1

I'd say usually a little bit of both, I have the freedom to be lonely! LOL

1

It's some of both actually. I like being able to do what I want without being compelled to compromise and go along with the plans of a hypothetical partner, but on the other hand sometimes it would be nice to have someone to share things with.

JimG Level 8 Feb 9, 2018
1

I can do loneliness... alone is my natural state. Freedom is my mantra. But for the right partner I will accept a Collective Freedom Dealio. My final answer.

1

Living alone need not be lonely though theres great freedom. Love does not require being joined at the hips ( literally and figuratively) 24/7.

lecoq Level 4 Jan 5, 2018
1

I maybe lonely, but I'm never alone. And being here reading this makes me realize how much I am like others and in some cases not. Freedom is mindset. Everyone and everything has a shelf life. Enjoy it as it goes.

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