Write everything down get evidence of what she is doing . Take the rose tinted glasses off . She is not abusing the child but it can be argued she is neglecting her basic needs . Get a lawyer that knows marriage law or find a charity that gives advice . It's gonna get nasty try and be polite and respectful and keep your cool it will not be easy .

Sorry you married a psycho

Decide w h at is best for the child and fight like he'll for it.

You are in a sad spot. Your daughter will have two homes now, that looks pretty certain from your info. I am wondering if it does make good sense for you to get an attorney since you are not divorced. Nothing is settled and moving toward an adjustment out of the marriage. If you get an attorney, you can request a certain amount of time with your daughter. On worrying about what is taking place at your ex’s house, concerning your daughter, I would try and stay away from that worry! I would take in information that your child might report, but I would not interrogat her. If your child has an attentive, loving father that is interested in her...that will be enough on your part! When possible you could try to communicate with your ex, on things about your daughter, but don’t stake your hopes on too much at the moment! Focus on being the best dad that you be for your daughter! Your ex, may have some growing up of her own to do! Try and shift any fear, to a belief that ‘life’ works out everywhere...just not always in a straight line and at the very least don’t undermine your ex in any way. But having some clear boundaries is better for parents and child.

You should do what's best for your daughter. And based on your description, it's not even a close contest.

It's a difficult story. Especially since there are always two perspectives. Does your daughter want to live with Dad? That would probably work in your favor if she does. My understanding is that you not paying child support through a court system puts you at a huge disadvantage. So much so that if you take your wife to court and sue for custody, you may be required to pay "back pay" because whatever this-and-thats in financial support you've provided, potentially don't amount to anything unless documented, stamped, accepted, and approved by a judge. Many non custodial parents believe its cheaper and less hassle to simply have an agreement with the custodial parent, until a situation like the one you've described here happens. Also this: When your daughter is with her mother, she is the parent for that time period. And her values and beliefs will be part of the household she keeps. You don't have control. It's the same when your child is with you. Wanting control isn't a very healthy reason to want custody. But if you truly believe yourself just as competent and loving, and if you think it's a benefit and enhancement to the well being of your daughter because you care, I'd fight for custody. I hope for the best outcome for the three of you.

No. You type too much. I have full custody of mine and I didn’t do shit.

Getting full custody is really, really difficult these days. I didn't believe it but I certainly experienced it. Unless the other parent is basically shooting heroin in front of your kid, judges these days want both parents to have custody. That is true around here anyway. And it was a humbling and painful process to go through, especially to not succeed.

You can have a separation agreement put in place and if both parties are cooperative, it won't cost a fortune. Mediators are good for this kind of thing too.

Even with full custody, it does not necessarily take time away from the other parent. My goal was to have decision making authority without having to agree on anything with my ex, because he basically will fight anything I think is best for our kid (he is autistic so there are a lot of decisions we have to make for his care). My ex also wants to turn my son against me and my parents, just out of anger that I left and just to hurt me. He doesn't understand he's hurting his son.

This kind of stuff is tough.

You sound like the better parent, however not knowing the laws of your state it is difficult to know what the biases are. You should consult a lawyer again. But if the lawyer said it is doable, I'd want to do it.