Are you conscious of how often you complain and do you actively work to complain less?
How does it feel when you’re around people who complain excessively?
I have a lot to complain about, legitimate tragedy and corruption directly related to my being disabled, and all the hardship that comes with that.
I talk about it, but I think I’m pretty conscious about not flooding my friends and peer circles with it.
I’m steadily trying to distract myself with the more positive aspects of life.
I consciously look for that which feels good to focus on, and I try to maintain some sort of balance.
It’s difficult for me to be in the company of people who habitually talk/write about menial struggles, issues that have solutions, though I recognize it’s all relative.
I do not complain. I admire those who don't.
We all have struggles, some more than others. Saying that sounds trivial, but that's not what I mean.
If someone needs help, I will listen and offer assistance. If someone's just complaining, I am less apt to care.
I don't like being a pin cushion so if I begin to feel like one, I'll pull away from that person, persons or group for a while or permanently, depending on the association. When you have a lot of empathy and compassion you tend to draw people like that. I admire people who own their story and open up about certain struggles in their lives. It helps people relate and I think being vulnerable in that way takes courage. But there are those who constantly complain, and that just brings me down after a while. If I'm involved in a themed site, post, blog, or debate (e.g. politics and/or religion) I consider that different.
It is hard to hear because we absorb the complainers negativity but everyone does it from time to time. if you are open to hearing someone trying to help you by lifting the mood or presenting some bright side, then it is easier to deal with. some complainers never want to hear a bright side. those are the worst to be around. i try to be someone i wouldnt mind having to listen to.
My daughter taught me to try to look at some positive aspect of any situation. It's not easy, and it doesn't always work, but it's energy invested into something other than complaining. People who always complain tend to blame everyone for their problems and not consider their own part in the path to resolution. People who think like that are never happy. And I do try to steer clear of them. Good on you for looking for the positive in the face of adversity. Not easy. Highly commendable.
I will go to all lengths to avoid being around complainers. One of my adult daughters recently said this to me: "My friend keeps telling me how sorry she is that I'm laid up with a bad hip for a few days. She's acting as if it's the end of the world. I told her it's not as though my home is being bombed, I'm being gang raped in the back of a bus, or I have no food for my kids. I'm in a nice suburban home with a full fridge, my bed is comfortable, I have Netflix, and a great husband who is taking good care of me. I'm going to complain about some pain I know will go away in a few days? I get this from you, Mom, and I'm so glad you taught us how to keep things in perspective."
Yes. I never complain. If you can fix it, fix it. If you can't then complaining about it will rarely help. Now there is a difference between complaining and voicing frustration/venting. I too try to focus on the things I can change and the positive things. I refuse to be a pessimist.
I seldom complain. When I find something distasteful or troublesome enough, I say so, along with the grounds for the statement. That is not a complaint, but an assertion and a search for a solution for the distasteful event or act. I don't complain. I try to cvorrect the problem or leave the situation.
I probably complain more than I recognize. Hell, I work with a guy that complains about everything constantly, so relative to him, my own complaining is minuscule. However, that situation may cloud my own interpretation of any complaining that I may or may not actually do. For example, my level of complaining may be greater than 10 randoms of this site complaining, but I may not recognize that due to the lack of exposure.
I have a lot of compassion for complainers, having been one myself. Usually people who complain are overwhelmed by lots of fears and things that are not in their control. I've been able to let go and focus on the things that are important and try not to worry about the little things. A lot of things I've come to understand have their own way of working out.
I think this is the key. Understanding how pain is relative frames the narrative and makes it easier to digest.
The problems start however, when some people, who instead of wanting better for themselves, insist on everyone else suffering more. Those types are easy to spot.
I try to only complain when it can directly affect a future outcome. For example, I am getting shitty service or I don't like what my elected officials are doing. Any other complaining is disempowering not only to you, but the others around you. I have people like this if at all possible.