As a heterosexual female, I sometimes feel like men are either intimidated or turned off when I make the first move. But does that even matter anymore in this day and age? Do men still feel obligated to make first contact? Is this question applicable in the LGBTQ community?
When I was dating, I mostly made the first move, and I never had a bad experience. The guys may have been caught off guard, maybe a little taken aback ( seemed a little embarrassed or unsure, briefly, like they had little experience being approached and didn't immediately know how to respond) but those moments passed quickly and resolved into feeling flattered and receptive it would seem. I'm not sure what all goes into to the calculus here, but I think part of it may have been my casual, playful demeanor--without explicitly trying to, I think I probably communicated that I wasn't desperate and wouldn't really care if they weren't interested. Like I could take or leave them--not in a snobby way, but in a radical acceptance way (except that's not radical to me, just mature). I wasn't searching for their appreciation of me; I was just expressing my appreciation of them, no strings attached.
I've never heard a heteroguy say he'd dislike being approached by a woman. I wouldn't sweat it.
I'm quite overly confident and flirtatious by nature, so I have to know when to step back. I think some/alot of men get quite taken aback when a lady makes the first move, men apparently still like do the chasing. I would say put some hints out there to show you are interested, but then again men are terrible with hints. So flirt a little maybe.
So I get the man and tell him, I like you I want you, we are now officially a couple, lets go. They turn bright red and stutter yeeeahh ok. Then they do what they are told. Lol Im just kidding.. Mostly/sort of/could be
For men? It's guesswork. Sex with a woman is a physical violation during intercourse. Doesn't matter how much Barry White plays in the background, rose petals on the bed, and soft candle light floods the room. It's up to the woman if it was consensual. Every woman that I have ever been with always said that there was a time before they met me that they were sexually assaulted. Real or not? Friggin' turn off for me. Won't ever rape a woman. Ever.
I asked a guy out about 20 years ago and he wanted to go to his place almost right away. He said any woman who made the first move just wanted sex. So I went home. I hope someone I'm interested in on this site doesn't think the same way. I'm way over one night stands.
I have no problem with a woman making the first move. I always felt that when it was not okay for a woman to be the first to show interest was unfair to women. If a woman shows interest in me first, it doesn't make me feel intimated; makes me feel attractive and complimented. I guess it's the same in the LBGTQ community too, though I don't know. But I agree that it's easier to meet people online when it's not face-to-face.
I've always preferred to get to know someone as a friend first before dating. I've made the first move when I knew they were too shy to. And I'm turned off when a man I don't know (and who doesn't know me) makes a move by commenting on my appearance or asks me out on an official date or makes a sexual advance without getting to know me first. Its too obvious what they want if they only go by appearances.
I find it interesting the way people interpreted/answered this question differently. I took your question as meaning "Who should ask the other out first," but many others took it as "Who should initiate sex first." I appreciated all the perspectives, I just found it interesting the way people's minds work differently.
I am a shy unassuming guy, 4 real relationships in my life were instigates by the female, from dating, t o sex, to mutual exclusivity. I do date women where I have made the first move, but sadly to my dismay I have found out after the fact, numerous times, that girls I was keen on felt the same way, but I was too insecure.
I've been out of the dating scene for many years. I too was a shy young man but it seemed like there was no shortage of girls making first contact. In today's world I would be concerned that what I said or did would be misconstrued. I have always been monagamous with the two serious girlfriends I had and with my wife of 45 years.
Oh, and religion was not a factor. I have been an agnostic since I can remember and my wife is same. To me it was a commitment that I made and I would have a hard time forgiving myself for breaking my word.
In today's me too culture I am a the point where there won't be a move unless she makes it. Of course I work in Hollywood and the Weinstein scandal has the entire town on edge in town.
In the past it never bothered me cause in my life looking back it's been about 50/50 for me and I've never had a problem with it.
To be honest, with all the sexual harassment stuff going on these days and the 'I'm at the ____ I don't want to be hit on' mentality, I'm very uncomfortable making any kind of moves or even letting women know I'm attracted to them. Hell, there was even a post on here (a dating site) a few days ago about men telling women they are attractive in opening messages. I'm probably going to be alone until I die, cause I don't think I'm attractive enough for a woman to seek me out and hit on me. I guess it's because I haven't had to deal with it like women have, but I'd LOVE it if tons of women were always hitting on me.
Every situation is infinitely different but after a certain age delicate questions of virginity, family virtue /opinion, society opinion and religious opinion deserve to be recognised for the OCPD controlling behaviour that it is and kicked vigorously out of the window.
Seriously guys I have rarely found that sex is any good until months have been spent intimately exchanging beliefs, desires, practice and growing absolute trust to enable unfettered consummation of mutual ecstasy. It all starts with the first step and if you have a problem that you didn't take it you may end up just whistling Dixie to yourself. Carpe Diem
We can all be run over by a bus tomorrow.