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Why are men and women put under so much pressure to have kids in this society?

By EmeraldJewel
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63 comments

5

Because its always been "a woman's purpose" to have the next generation.

It irritates me. Why? I can't even raise myself why on earth would you actively want me to have responsibility over an infant!?

LadyAlyxandrea Level 8 Aug 8, 2018
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Ikr !

4

Hell if I know. I think it's pretty inappropriate for anyone to exert any kind "pressure" on anyone to procreate. Society can go fuck itself with that bullshit.

I remember the father of a friend telling me that since I was an intelligent woman, involved with an intelligent man, we had a moral obligation to have children.
We didn't, and I never have.

KKGator Level 9 Aug 7, 2018
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Good for you, and it's your choice anyway. I always call people like that as "doing a job on you, or doing a number on you." It is manipulation that I have never allowed in my lifetime. Keep in mind also that religion plays a part in this as well. People believe it is our jobs to "replenish the earth."

@DenoPenno Well, I need to be honest. About 10 years after that, I was married (to someone else) and we were trying to have children. It didn't work out for 'reasons', but at that point, it was a conscious choice. The thing is, I never allowed myself to be pressured by anyone.

@KKGator My ex wanted children but I'm too old for that and I knew I would end up raising the child.

4

Everyone is bat-shit crazy. People fear death and think they will live on in their spawn. That and the pre-conceived notion of never being able to be alone and the perception of being loved forever.

UrsiMajor Level 7 Aug 7, 2018
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3

I don't know, but it is annoying and very detrimental. It just goes along with the conservative mindset of keeping everybody in their place

Kojaksmom Level 7 Aug 8, 2018
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3

My experience was the opposite. People weighed in on the fact that I was having kids. I expect that it's a case of no matter what you do, some busy bodies feel like they must let you know what they think. Everyone gets pressure. Damned if you do, damned if you don't. They should mind their own damn business

KissedbySun Level 7 Aug 7, 2018
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3

If I could do it over, I wouldn't have any. I love my son but it has not been easy, still supporting him. The world is too fucked up to bring another person into it I think. Its selfish.

Presley1209 Level 7 Aug 7, 2018
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Having a kid is selfish. How could anyone justify bringing a child into this shitty world?

@shockwaverider My sentiments exactly!

2

My oldest is not my biological son which surprises anyone who finds out. We are much alike, but I came into his life at 16 months. The next two, come a few years later and although my now ex wife agreed I got a vasectomy which she later complained about. I love my kids, but three is easier than five. Oh, my ex kept me around a lot longer than may have happened. She decided I shouldn't adopt the oldest so she could collect money and then later used my love for him as a wedge - you will never see him again, just his siblings. I put no pressure on my kids and at this point expect no grandchildren. I am perfectly fine with that. Now that I'm divorced I thought about adopting my 37year old. He says save my money, he knows who his real dad is. I am very proud of my kids; Not only do they love each other, they like one another, even taking vacations together.

Beowulfsfriend Level 7 Aug 9, 2018
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I'm sorry this happened to you and VERY GLAD your son understands!

2

I have two daughters, ages 49 and 51. One was married for ten years and got divorced. The older one has been married for a few years. Neither of them had children. Neither of them wanted children. I never questioned them about it but told them it was their lives and whatever decisions they made in that regard were theirs. The younger has been living with a man for about 15 years. He has grandchildren and they call my daughter, grandma. I have never been upset that I have no human grandchildren. All my grandchildren have four paws, fur and meow. That's just fine with me. I was pregnant with my first marriage. I wanted two daughters. I got two daughters. I had a miscarriage between them early on. I am very proud of the women they have become and love them so, so much.

Alvinsmama Level 7 Aug 9, 2018
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2

I think it probably stems from our biological conditioning for the survival of the species.
Of course Christopher Hitchens did also touch on the idea that children are the only shot he had at a second life let alone an immortal one.

Bubbasee Level 2 Aug 9, 2018
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Christopher Hitchens was amazing!!!

@EmeraldJewel (Always wanted to have dinner with him....)

2

I don't hate the idea of China's law of one only. I know there is much more to it, but what in the world is the point of having a handful of kids. Or 10, or more!!! I had a friend in school who was one of 18 kids!!! What the hell. The parents offered no love or support, did not even come to graduation. I say that's bullshit. The world is overpopulated, too many people with too little, no or awful parenting and the circle of dysfunction is never ending.

Shawniedawn Level 5 Aug 8, 2018
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2

As a little kid in the 60s I heard talk about the "population bomb," and I realized then that the world did not need me to have kids. Two hundred years ago it was necessary to produce farm hands to work the land and a large percentage could be expected to die young. Nowadays having kids is a luxury, not a necessity. In decades past I got not so much pressure as surprised reactions that I was opting to not have kids. It was as if the default setting on the white, educated, heterosexual, middle class, American male was always procreation. Now, with climate change nipping at our heels and civilization on the brink of agonizing change if not outright collapse, I think people look at my decision not to have kids in a different light. I certainly have no regrets.

Flyingsaucesir Level 7 Aug 8, 2018
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2

We should be encouraged to have less not more....the planet is overpopulated. Unfortunately it is the religious this should directed at as they seem to have taken the biblical text “go forth and multiply” as a personal mission!

Marionville Level 8 Aug 8, 2018
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2

Seriously.
I've heard everything from "you'll change your mind" to "you're being selfish not having children".

Here's a dollar. Call the Dugards, and tell them to pretend 2 of their 19 kids are mine, and stop bugging me.

Angus Level 5 Aug 8, 2018
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They're suffering, they want everyone else around them to suffer. Having a kid offers zero benefit to me.

2

Because a lot of people can't wait to be grandparents. smile002.gif

bingst Level 8 Aug 8, 2018
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2

Because women are brainwashed to believe that they can't be complete humans without pooping out crotchfruit. It's not going to change until parents start handing their daughters briefcases and calculators instead of Barbies.

The religious brainwashing (Be fruitful AND multiply) is deeply ingrained.

SkotlandSkye Level 8 Aug 7, 2018
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Crotchfruit! I’m using that ASAP.

2

I think a big reason is because the foundation of this society is puritanical, and one of the main tenets is to "be fruitful and multiply".

Fit-50something Level 5 Aug 7, 2018
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2

It’s the prudish Christianity rearing it’s ugly head. And they want you to join their misery, lol!
😏

Jimm Level 4 Aug 7, 2018
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2

Because if people don't have kids then society will cease to exist at some point. Saying that...I don't want kids. lol

joeymf86 Level 7 Aug 7, 2018
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Why would that be a bad thing? Seems like we're heading for destruction anyway...

@shockwaverider Oh you know, preservation of humanity....blah blah blah...we're the best specifies ever... blah blah blah....the world can't go on without people. Just stupid stuff like that. hahaha. It's only a matter of time before people go extinct.

1

Each generation wants to know that the family tree will continue to thrive, so the parents of young Newly Weds encourage them to have babies.

I say of pregnancies, "If it happens, it happens. If it doesn't happen, that's cool too."

When I was a kid, the 1960 Census counted about 2,000,000,000 (2 Billion) people in the World. Today, the population is getting close to 8,000,000,000 (8 Billion) people. That means that the population has quadrupled sine I was 10 years old. Young people should consider that when deciding if and when to have kids.

AncientNight Level 7 Aug 11, 2018
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A lot of that growth has been in places unprepared and unable to fully sustain such growth. The U.S. has abandoned its leadership role, no longer funding any forms of both control. War and famine are controlling some areas growth. Religion continues to be a factor to growth in some parts of the world like Central and South America. China realised they had a problem, unfortunately their solution has now left them with other difficulties. This is one of those complex problems which has no simple solution which so many people always crave when there are problems and then stick their heads in the sand because they can't get an easy answer. Or, like the U.S. on climate change, just ignore and deny it. One day the rent comes due. Our grandchildren will most likely see 11 billion people and rising sea levels and temperatures making it hard to sustain such growth.

@Beowulfsfriend I read somewhere that the Earth will only support about 10,000,000,000 (10 billion) people. When the numbers get higher than that, wars will be fought over potable water, land for farming and room to put new housing. It's almost time for me to go to the mountains and find a place to defend myself and any that are with me.

@AncientNight I have read estimates from 10 to 14, but the end can only occur if earth's climate is stable and farming techniques improve world wide. I'm pretty pessimistic and I believe that by 9 billion with our destruction of so much of the earth and its resources we will hit your predictions.

@Beowulfsfriend That's my fear as well. Whoever is left is going to be responsible for building the foundations of a new Civilization. We can only hope that they'll be intelligent enough to know that we're all the same and deserve equal treatment in all aspects of life.

1

Remember your teens? Remember when every cell in your body DEMANDED sex? It's a biological drive first and THEN societal pressure.

LucyLoohoo Level 8 Aug 11, 2018
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1

Slaves have to reproduce in order to maintain slavery.

NothinnXpreVails Level 8 Aug 11, 2018
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1

I'm childless, so I'm certainly no authority on this. I can only make some guesses. My guess is that there are a few unconscious beliefs that drive the "have the child thing": First is that a child will make you and your parents happy. Second is that having a child will bring true, unconditional love and the Third is that a child will be present and tell you how much they love you when you are dying. (or a way to avoid the fear of dying alone.) These things are sometimes true, sometimes not.

As for societal pressure, I wonder if there is an unconscious belief that there is no other purpose to life than to bring a child into this world. That children are our future and without them there is no future.

It's interesting when the press notes that human population growth rates are going down in some areas, that they always present this trend as "concerning". As if the human species will cease to be if the growth rate declines or flattens out. Does the planet need 7.5 billion people? (rhetorical)

AwarenessNow Level 7 Aug 8, 2018
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1

Because misery loves company.

chico2d Level 2 Aug 8, 2018
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1

Are we put under that pressure?

Omen6Actual Level 7 Aug 8, 2018
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Oh yes we are!!

@vmedel Maybe because I'm a guy I haven't really experienced that pressure. I've had questions about it but never I "should" have kids. Shared reasons why I'm not interested in a romantic relationship. I see far more cons than pros with both scenarios.

Edited

I used to get the “Our family name dies with you if you don’t have children” speech on top of the other bullshit rhetoric.
Never been big on the idea of marriage and I’d neither expect nor suggest that anyone I married should take on my last name. Those kind of mindless arguments were regular events when I’d visit the family. Sadly, I’d get other mindless drivel from friends who had/wanted children.

@Mobius I tell my friends with kids that being around them helps reaffirm my desire to not have kids.

@Omen6Actual same!
Oh how I laugh when I think back to how many times I’ve heard “having kids won’t change my life, I’ll still do all the things I do now”. Suckers

1

I for one think kids are great. We atheists should have more kids. No one should be made to feel like they ought to have children though.

minhmeister Level 8 Aug 8, 2018
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