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Happily single—or not?

I know there are plenty of single people in this community, but Iโ€™m curious to know how happy everyone is about being single.
For instance Iโ€™m happily single, because I treasure my time alone and my freedom. However, I sometimes miss having a partner to share my day with.
What do you like/not like about being single?

RoadGoddess 7 Jan 19

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81 comments

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19

I miss the intimacy, the sex and having someone to share with.

1

It's tough to narrow it down but I tend to be a light sleeper and I enjoy going to sleep and waking up whenever I'm rested rather than when someone else is stirring. Sleep is precious ๐Ÿ™‚

1

I love not paying for his necessities. I also love being alone to do what I want. I love no one telling me what to do, say, and what not to wear. I love them not constantly asking what food I am eating at their house, (my food I brought) not having them not me where I'm going (the bathroom!), how much money do I have, etc...

good for you right on!

@jacpod Thanks.

3

Hell yeah! Okay, I guess I should elaborate a little. I revel in having my own space, and never being asked, "what's for dinner?", "where's
the (insert any item here)?".
Being in a relationship does have it's upside, but having been single for as long as I have been now, I'm reluctant to invest in what
usually turns out to be an exercise in disappointment. Perhaps I've become cynical, but I'm at the point where I'm happier living my own life and making my own choices without having to consider how someone else is going to react to what I choose to do.
That might make me selfish, but I think I've earned the right. I might be alone, but I am hardly ever lonely. Besides, who needs to be
lonely when I've got all you crazy fuckers to keep me entertained?

0

I've been alone for longer than I'd like.
I'm hoping I can get back out there in the near future.

@RoadGoddess Thanks. ๐Ÿ™‚

5

I have been single and living alone for 50 years and every second of it has been by choice. I am a loner and an introvert and prefer to be by myself most of the time, but I enjoy spending time with a woman when I have the opportunity to do so. I think all of us long time single people (male and female) miss the intimacy shared with another person from time to time, however I would not trade my single lifestyle for it. I catch as catch can and am happy and content with it that way.

5

I'm happy being single...but I could be happier if I had that special someone. What I miss most is cooking for two...I get so lazy about cooking for one. I miss getting foot rubs and giving long massages.

Nena Level 6 Jan 19, 2018
0

Hi roadgoddess ( like your name) I truly belive being single and happy is a sign of personal growth , strength and acceptance in you are you and not to be manipulated or controlled by a dominating control freak partner. Iโ€™m told there is someone for everyone, maybe there is. Iโ€™ve walked down the isle, among other major mistakes in my life. Truly though, being single is hand down better than a partner whose wrong for you. I hope to meet โ€œ a soul mateโ€ but am not holding my breath. If you are happy single. Then donโ€™t settle for mr wrong. Stay happy. And keep your batteries handy lol.

0

its pretty almost not any better or worse than nearly ok.
ive been worse off tho.

2

Know how to be alone, no rule say I have to like it.

0

I like the independence, lack of the need to compromise and the absence of emotional drama. I miss the sex, intimacy, the regular adult conversation, mutual emotional support, the presence of another person sharing my life...
Happily single? Some times. Sometimes not. Iโ€™d like to have both, but I donโ€™t think itโ€™s possible.

0

I have a friend that we were an item at one time over 8 years together including living together but been over 8 years since. While in Maryland/DC area... we go on friends dates. I may stay on her house, we go dinner, dancing and movies and some phone time but neither of us live on the phone. Once she start talking about her daily routine and the events of the day or evening. I feel like I don't need to hear all details. Just give me the end result. We do argue as couples still. And for each is the last serious relation. But does reminds me just because happens like that with her does not means that I won't find someone that I will find interesting every moment I am not a witness. So I love loneliness and being alone. I write, I create when lonely. It is my natural state even if I love cuddling and romance of one is not that romantic at all. It is a matter of finding the Right Person, that Unique Person that makes you jump that leap of faith into the abyss... Collective Freedom is the best freedom there is because you have a witness to validate your happiness. A witness to your life is the holy grail I seek but not every grail is holy to my heart.

@RoadGoddess From the moment we left the womb... is all about freedom since they cut the cord.

0

I also treasure my time alone and my freedom but hate feeling lonely, perhaps because my cat and dog don't speak English. One's Spanish/Mexican(Chihuahua) and the other was feral so she may never speak. ๐Ÿ˜ฎ

This may come off wrong no matter how I try to say it, but I miss having someone to share the burden with. With my ex I thought I shouldered her burden well because her's was easier on me than it was on her and I hoped she could shoulder part of mine that was easier for her than me. Ultimately I was proven wrong after 9 years(different rant) but I honestly feel we cannot go through life utterly alone.

Despite my introversion I see the value in teamwork, groups and life partners. Being single and alone I feel the weight of everything I am not pressing down on me and wish there was someone that was those things could help me and maybe they lacked those things that I am so that I could help them too...

I've heard from someone I dated that she learned not to need anyone to complete her, and I get that, but I think maybe what I feel is different, I am me 100% and don't need anyone to make me a better more whole/complete me, but even me at 100% is not able to get through this cruel world alone.

@SilverDollarJedi, agreed, and maybe I need some rephrasing in my initial comment but I feel like you get it. I can do it alone, but it sucks major ass to do so and a lot seems like it gets compromised in the process which raises the question; did I really do it alone? Having someone to help ease all that is really just a bonus.

@SilverDollarJedi, you have so much in that comment that I just picked and responded to what stood out for me tonight;

"If I am correct you are saying is success really success if you have no one to share it with?"

No I meant more like; I am the CEO of a company but no wife, had I married I might have been the jazz musician I always wanted to be.
In that example I succeeded 'relatively' speaking, but I did not succeed because I lacked the support to get there.

"That sounds selfish but I have had a lot of people in intimate relationships waste my time and energy in ways that were not fair and I simply won't let that happen anymore because my time and effort is too valuable to me."

Not selfish from my perspective because I feel the same with my last relationship, in hindsight of course, but now I am in a situation that perhaps a better partner would help me get to where I really want to be and not where I am heading just because alone it is within my means and power. (May be a bad analogy but I need a pack mule to ease a burden I find exhausting but they scoff at the weight of it, and in return I'd be their mule with a burden I find negligible as well but to them was unbearable)

"People wait until 2 months into a relationship that they have this or that problem with something you do or a belief you have, and then they expect you to sacrifice part of yourself to fit their personal needs."

For me that happened at 9 years and not 2 months so I feel I have a lot of wasted time with the wrong person, but then on reflection it was because that's who I was(perhaps still am)

"I will not try to change that person or persuade them"

Sadly, and you probably experienced this, it almost seems like people want you to try and change them or something. I encouraged and supported my ex without trying to change her but still she left me for someone who by her friends was trash, my own opinion is far worse but I try to be kind...

0

I'm a widower coming up on 2 yrs next month Just starting to accept it and get on with my life without feeling guilty. I never realized how much guilt and shame is associated with the grieving process. I'd like to start dating but a serious relationship? Oh no, I don't think so. I guess that makes me unhappily single but content to stay that way

0

There are many things I like about being single, which has been by choice over the last 7 years. The pros far outweigh the cons. But when I was in a relationship, I did enjoy having that one special person in my life. However, in my experience, I found that eventually (after the honeymoon period), my partners wanted a mother and a maid rather than a lover and best friend. Probably a cultural thing (Bible Belt). While I do like being a "domestic goddess" (making a home warm), I'm over being "the help".

2

Pretty happily single. ๐Ÿ™‚ I do believe I work better in a relationship, when I am in one, but I am also equally content to be alone. I rather enjoy my own company and I keep myself pretty busy so I feel I do not want for anything, even as a singleton. I am a-okay either way. ๐Ÿ˜‰

Sadoi Level 7 Jan 19, 2018
0

Happily single,mainly because there's a lot less stress involved with being single. The biggest drawback is less sex, but at my age, that's not a huge deal.

4

Happily single and contentedly planning to stay that way. I've had my fill.

I'm not under the illusion that I know how I'm always going to feel about things in the future, but I've done the math on this one. Based on past experiences, my likelihood of meeting someone who interests me even a little is vanishingly small.

And that suits me just fine because I'm not interested in going through that song and dance anymore. I don't feel like anything is missing.

I'm actually quite pleased.

1

I just broke up with girlfriend last weekend. Because I want to be single? Probably more like seeking something better.....a better fit. If I never find her, I'm OK with that.
Anyway, i didn't see a future with her and the Thrill Was Gone.....so much for the present.

But this breaking up thing gets old. Either I'm dumping, or getting ignored.

Honestly.......I'd like to try a celibate relationship. Get to know each other. Set some boundaries. Become friends 1st. Romance. Sweetness. ......That'd be different.

Yes.....I'm looking for something new.

Why did I share all that?

twill Level 7 Jan 19, 2018
19

I've enjoyed being single for going on 5 years now. I got to know myself really well, focus on things I want to do and be, and haven't had to argue or worry about or be questioned by another person, and vice versa. The bed is ALL MINE. I can watch or do whatever I want any time without friction. And I've been able to heal from the damage I have endured.
That being said, it's a very selfish life I now live. I find it hard to make room for someone else, and in fact feel burdened by people in my space. I want this to change. I need to demolish this wall I have built but can not figure out how to do it. I trust no one. It feels like men don't want to get to know and build friendship and partnerships with women anymore. There's too much hook up factor and I am nobody's booty call.
I want to love someone again, and I want to be loved. But I have had this chance to realize what I really want, and I'm starting to lose faith it exists. I have a hard exterior and even if I dig you, I won't let it show.. I didn't used to be that way at all.
Anyway, point is, yes single is (was) great, but like some of the other commenters have said, it would be nice to share life's burdens with someone else. Even if that burden is just that I am freezing my ass off and I need snuggles to keep warm. Life is lonely enough without shutting everyone out, I am beginning to understand.. It's a high mountain to climb, and when you climb alone, it can be very lonely.
Over and out ๐Ÿ˜›

Well said MM. Well defined. I guess we know when it's time to give it up. For me, I definitely have the selfish thing going. Divorced 3 years ago. Been in relationships steady for about 25 years. Working my ass off to carry the load in 2 marriages. You lose yourself.
This whole selfishness thing still fits me.

@MiniMags I have this house to myself and I've invited only about 25 people to it in the last 18 years (excluding workers). I love my freedom, privacy, solitude, etc, and I never feel lonely (though I know I'm alone). I DO get out of the house a lot for many different events. Yes, it's selfish, but I'm willing to share with a compatible woman-partner.

I don't have the trust issues you expressed, and I'm really sorry you have them. Skepticism and being careful, yes. But if you like someone, I think you need to allow him to know it somehow = maybe even at the end of a date telling him that you'd like to see him again? But don't wait for that phone call - SO many people aren't honest/forthright back. But you'll get that call from one of them.

"And I've been able to heal from the damage I have endured." @minimags

This. This right here. I am still healing. Not sure what or where I want to be, so I still am healing. But this last 4 years has been the refiners flame, and in hindsight nothing better could have happened.

very honest and vulnerable answer. I think I would have said much the same. Love the freedom, but miss the company. Melissa Etheridge- "Company" is perfect.

Sometimes you simply have to face your fears and anxiety to get past them.

0

I miss the sex every morning and night, but that quickly faded after a year. I think it may be impossible for me to find a girl that can keep up and not need cuddles all the time, I canโ€™t stand laying in bed doing nothing, wake up and move.

0

I enjoy my alone time and freedom too, but it can get lonely sometimes. Certain things you can share with a significant other that you can't do by yourself or with friends.

0

I'm loving it! No one to pickup after, no piles of dishes left in the sink. I only need 1 package of t.p per month..family packs of meat lasts a month as well..And I can have over Whom ever I damn well please!..

1

Every day I am amazed with the incredible life I have. I'm trying to treasure every moment. Being single and completely free to do what I want is part of that. I'd like to have someone in my life to share some of my favorite activities, but if it doesn't happen these will still have been some of the most amazing years.

0

Exactly what you said... that's it... Now... what to do about it... there's the rub... ain't it?

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