Where do I start?

One is speaking in tongues. Seen it it person many times. This is just an appitizer. One time at CCW we had a big meal. Friends family, etc. We were asked to close our eyes and bow our heads, and not look up. The speaker said if you hear a bell, god is talking to you. I looked up, and the fucking cunt had a bell in her hand! What kind of chicken shit, and fraud move is that?

I can give you more examples if you like. Just brings my piss to a boil.

Strict, critical, missionary men on our Haiti mission suddenly getting super chummy and handsy when I reached puberty. I was disgusted and kept my distance.

People asking me if I want to believe in a fake bearded man in the sky and his son, a Jewish magician.

Near 10 years ago in Florida . I was still angry and eager to change people's minds and will preach against religion at any chance I had !( not anymore . Decided I can't fix stupid ).
Random lady at vet clinic , we were both waiting for our pet. She some how informed me that good Jesus will take care all of the issues w her pet and mine.. . Ok! It's on lady ! I informed her that I do not believe in gods and her assumption that I do is insulting me , I thought I look pretty smart this morning ". She went on telling me that god is the only way to go and that SHE FORGIVES ME for been ignorant . So I asked her , does she loves and forgives all her enemies like Jesus said ? She said yes . I asked her , " so if an asshole rape and kill your child , would u forgive him too ?"
To my surprise , the answer was " yes ". Yes bcz that's " what god wants me to do ".
I replied , " I hope u don't have kids and I hope u die ". Afterall , its the best wish u can give to a Christian , right ? Die and meet your god and all that jazz .

I was taken to an exorcism (not me) on the guise it was a driving lesson. Has to have been the weirdest experience of my life.

Marriage. To a hardcore catholic. ?

My daughter was two years old and my aunt and a group of her friends gathered around us in a circle and prayed for Jesus to come into our hearts. I just stood there holding my baby girl, too stunned to say anything. She and I were never close after that.

One time I fell down a small hill at church and broke my ankle. In three places, on the growth plate. It was deformed and purple and clearly fucking broken. My dad carried me inside the church so the elders could heal me. When it obviously was not healed, they took me home. And said "the Lord works in mysterious ways, pray for forgiveness tonight and you'll be healed." I laid in bed for three days before my mom finally put her foot down and took me to the hospital.

Years ago, I went to an Assemblies of God church with a friend and when the service was about over, I saw people go to the front, stop, drop and roll around on the ground. I was told they were struck by the “Holy Spirit”. I made my exit and never went back.

Meeting someone who actually believed that Jews have horns.

*First Place I once witnessed a Pentecostal mass where, at one point, the whole congregation was speaking in tongues. Grown adults all talking gibberish to themselves convinced it was a meaningful interaction between themselves and a magical superbeing in the sky.

Nothing short of an exorcism could possibly look and sound as stupid as that did.

*Second Place A seven year old kid tried to "save" me at a family gathering.

Someone dragging my ass out of bed far too early, forcing me to put on nice clothes, making sit through hours of complete boredom with a room full of people that didn’t care about me at all and forcing me to do the same exact thing later the same day. And then making me do the same exact thing again on Wednesday evening. Well, except for the getting out of bed thing...

My most ridiculous and bizarre religious experience was the Mormon temple ceremony. It has Masonic influences, with hand gestures, robes and other strange articles of clothing, secret words, prayer circles, etc. The first time I experienced the ceremony, it reminded me of devil worship I had seen on TV. I said so on the way out, and those around me hushed me up right quickly. It was, they said, irreverent to criticize such a "sacred" ritual.

From age 11-14 I was molested by my stepfather (at the time). Eventually I got up enough courage to tell someone and then my mom left him after that (the physical and mental abuse wasn’t enough to justify divorce but sexual abuse is bad enough to warrant it apparently). Long story short I was never offered any kind of therapy or help. We were deeply involved in the church and they just wanted it to “go away”. My pastors wife let me know that her father was a professional gambler (clearly the same thing) and so we all have to deal with things and I just need to pray about it. That was the extent of the “help” I received. I spent years and years dealing with the aftermath of that childhood trauma and it affected many of my future decisions. I will never ever understand why I was not put in therapy or offered any kind of help. When I was 16 I married a 21 year old from our church because we had sex and I assumed that meant we HAD to get married. No one ever tried to talk me out of it- my mom signed papers and our pastor married us. He very quickly became very physically abusive and eventually molested my 12 year old sister. So yeah...those are probably my worst experiences in the church.

Looking back, all of it. It's sad how much time I wasted tuning my life to a fictitious book.

In college, I went to watch a movie “The Stones Cry Out”. At the time I was interested in biblical archeology. During the movies I realized it was a come to Jesus movie and college club. As soon as the lights came on, I made myself invisible and snuck out. Close call.

My mom joined Dianetics in the late 90's. The beginning was pretty interesting. I do remember the interview holding two handles and them Beijing results as I answered questions. That was odd. There was a diet and exercise routine along with vitamin intake we had to follow. Including sodium pills that I remember liking the taste. I remember them trying to get my mom to leave her abusive boyfriend, this I really liked about them. I also remember a sauna at the facilities along with gym.
The kid classes were boring. One kid told me in secret about how the end of the Dianetics book was not in the kids book. How it was a Secret and that when they deem you Worthy you find out.... that aliens are coming to save us. I thought he was joking.. nope he wasn't!

Hypocrisy

There are so many, including the folks who assure me i cannot be a good person if i don't believe in god, since i am being good of my own volition and not in obedience (i'd have thought that worked the other way around); the people who insisted to me that atheism is a religion because i BELIEVE something (and i also believe my cats love me, but that doesn't make that belief a religion) and those who tell me i am going to hell, as if that will scare someone who doesn't believe in hell. but probably the most ridiculous experience was when i was car-pooling in to my job at the department of justice and heard a chanukah song on the radio. i'd never heard one on the radio before, and although i don't believe in any gods, i do identify with the culture of my people, and hearing the song made me happy. (i have a couple of favorite christian songs too, and i certainly have never been a christian!) so i got to work and mentioned hearing the song to a coworker. her response was "well, if you don't believe in jesus christ what have you got to sing about?" i hadn't told her i was an atheist (we weren't that close and she had never asked) so i decided to answer in a manner she might be able to understand. "his father," i said. "huh?" "you know... god?" she frowned, and then said, "well the catholics have been suffering a lot longer than the jews anyway!" -- and with that she huffed off. there is just no pleasing some people.

g

A few years back a Jehovah's Witless lady came to my door and I let her in to hear her spiel. She kept looking at my paintball gun on the coffee table, which kind of freaked her out. A few weeks later she called the police and told them that I was a terrorist with hostages, and a SWAT team surrounded my house. I wasn't home at the time or I might have been upset. Eventually the cops figured out that it was a false alarm and left. I don't let JWs in the house anymore.

A recent one, when I saw on FB an old friend who is a Christian, said he was going in for his 6th and FB friends were saying , "continuing to pray" etc. ...
Huh? I almost said "guys it looks it didn't work the first 5 times, but I didn't want to embarrass my friend or put a negative spin on his experience. The love and prayers and need prayer when something has already happened and it's obviously too late bugs the hell out of me!

The first time I experienced people “receiving” the Holy Spirit, I was in junior high and I was surprised by a church full of people shaking and shouting “in tongues,” it was my last visit to that particular church. lol

Maybe not the most ridiculous, but most recently memorable...my Catholic brother shouting that I'm a sinner for making my employees work on Sundays...

... here's the thing...

I'm a coach in youth sports and all of our competitions include Sunday's, and all the. Coaches knew that in advance. My brother was a coach for several years himself before he went retro.

Every aspect of it.