As Ricky Gervais puts it, an agnostic is basically an atheist. What makes one agnostic is determined by their answer to the the question, "Does god exist?". To which they would say they "do not know" as opposed to an atheist's answer "simply no". If you twitch the question a little bit and ask, "Do you believe god exists?" to which they can't answer they don't know because that would be non-sensical. So they would have to say they don't believe in god and that ultimately makes them atheists.

Perhaps he's in an early stage of agnosticism, and "IF" so, it may take more nurturing/coaching to help encourage the type of analysis, and detachment from what he was taught as a child. I would continue asking logic based questions, and be patient (if you can). Additionally, consider the following:

1. Talk about other subjects instead
2. Consider a timeline for progress
3. Let him go, and move on to someone more compatible with your views.
4. Agree to disagree, because you love him enough to do so.

I hope this helps

you can be both, logically incongruent, begging the question, black or white, loaded question

Might be best to agree to disagree, and leave your conversations about such things for others who need to talk about them. Like politics , it's unlikely you will change one another's viewpoints. Let it go ...

I think having respect for each others differences is important. And not rolling your eyes out loud. I think when you reach a point of utter frustration that being able to say "We'll have to agree to disagree" can be important and save you from an actual fight.

I had a friend who said he was agnostic and I am pretty hardcore atheist. Truth be told just liked to argue for the sake of argument, and now we haven’t spoken in several years although we had been friends for years. My wife is Catholic and we have been together for 21 years. We get along fine and love each other very muchj. We talk a bit about religion but know where to draw the line. Argument or discussion should entail listening as well as talking, asking and answering questions equally. You both should be able to really open up and honestly express yourselves and that will be easier if you both start out on a level playing field but honestly it sounds that he still has a lot of baggage that he’s reluctant to dispose of. I am acquainted with a lady who has been out of the Witnesses for thirty years but can’t get her life together because she just holds on to beliefs, although she doesn’t seem to recognize them. You need to be honest with yourself as a one-sided relationship is worse than no relationship at all. You are the only one that has to make the decision. Good luck.

I am married to a religious wife (Christian) for the past 18 years. Our marriage survived my loss of religion and I do attribute that to the fact that we are deeply in love. We chose not discuss issues with the intent of exposing fallacies. I already know what she believes and she understands my lack of belief. There is no need to try to make the other unhappy because we chose not to base our relationship on religion and instead focus on every other factor that we do have common ground on. This has allowed us to both be happy. Whenever questions come up, it is with the express understanding that the person asking only wants clarity on the issue and nothing more. I support her going to church and tithing. Fortunately we never had children so the issue of raising children with or without religion has never come up. I would suggest that you also focus your relationship on what you have in common. Don't try to change each others minds, instead try to understand what the other thinks. You don't have to agree with them, but it will let you also find out if they are honest and if you are truly compatible for the long run.

It's one thing to get into a good debate about these issues. But once it starts turning into an argument or causes disruptions in your normal day to day lifestyle, then its time to look at your priorities on what matters most. Even non theists buck heads to a degree on things.. not everyone is going to feel the same way so you may need to just agree to disagree on some of these issues. It's tough coming out of a cult based background like your BF. He was misguided & those ways of thinking brainwashed him so its going to take time. Question is, are you invested enough to take the time to either accept it or is vice versa. Just some things to think about.

As long as you to respect each other that's all that matters have some cool discussions.

Sounds like your BF isn't really agnostic, he's just a lazy Xtian. Not saying he is bad, or lazy with work and such, but he isn't interested in religion. He might have tried to convince himself to think this way because he is into you and knew it would be ideal (for you) if he didn't believe. He doesn't care enough about religion to give it any thought and it fine reverting to his upbringing as a fall back.
Ask him to read the bible, if you need to, insist on it. If he reads it through and goes, "Holy shit, that is batshit crazy! How do these people swallow this crap?" you know he's a keeper.
If he reads it and says, "Well, that Jesus guy was pretty rad, but that other stuff is pretty rough." there is hope.
If he reads it and is like, "Oh, that's what mom and dad were talking about, I get it now." run for the hills, he might be a sociopath.

Yikes, not sure I could maintain a level of respect for someone that I was in love with that poses such arguments. They seem immature and ill-prepared.
Maybe don't have these discussions unless you are planning to procreate?

As long as he is fine with you being an atheist, what is there to cope with? Maybe you have a problem with his apparent lack of intellectual thought that makes his arguments rather childish.

There will always be disagreements with people we get close to. It would be boring if we were all the same. Some find it easier to end a question they can not answer with god which ends their curiosity. An atheist wants to know more and as long as there is a question an investigation continues. He should be able to believe anything he wants, if that makes him comfortable, as should you. Unless he challenges you about it, let it be. If he does he has to give you equal time. Ask him what books he has read that he would like you to read on this subject. Read it in return that he read one of your books and discuss your findings. The Illusion of God might be a good start for him.

"only IF there is a god would this be the case" ???? He either believes it is or he doesn't believe it is. He sounds to me like a closet theist. Try asking him, if there is no evidence for a God why would you make an assumption that there is one. If he answers he doesn't and there is no justification for this belief then he's agnostic. If he answers in any other way you've got yourself a closet theist who is afraid of losing you if he comes out. Just a hunch.

If he's important to you and you want him in your life in the near and far future, agree to disagree but keep an open mind that he just may be swayed somewhere down the road due to something you said that sparked his fancy.

From what I can see, what you are frustrated about is not the question of existence of god/ creator, but his unscientific thinking method. If you can accept that aspect of him, there might be a future; if not, don't waste your time on trying to change him, only if a person wanted to change and opened to reasoned discussion can he change.

I think you have to make a choice, if you love him and wish to continue the relationship, you will have to basicly just avoid the subject. The alternative will be continued pointless arguements that will never go anywhere because he will not be open to reason given his stated position. I hope you can resolve this within yourself because the only person who can affect this is you, as it appears that his mind is closed.

It sounds like he isn't agnostic so much as just a flat out christian.. If he makes his arguments without reason or logic.. then there is no way to have those discussions. You can try to influence him with examples of the horrid actions/inactions of his god, but that may easily become hostile. You're best bet is to avoid the topic.. anything else will just continue to be salt in the wound. (Divorced a theist)

Sounds to me like he is a Christian but wants to pitch being an agnostic so he can "hang out" with you. But hey, in addition to being an atheist, I am also a skeptic, and half the time, a complete a-hole.

Hi Talia! I just read your post and I think there is an issue with what your boyfriend identifies as his belief concerning a god. If he believes in a god then he is a theist (if I mis read your post and am confused sorry). I copied and pasted a few things directly from Huxley himself (the person who coined the term Agnostic).

This is Webster definition of Agnostic:

"a person who believes that nothing is known or can be known of the existence or nature of God or of anything beyond material phenomena; a person who claims neither faith nor disbelief in God."
synonyms: skeptic, doubter, doubting Thomas, cynic;

Huxley describes how he came to originate the term "agnostic" as follows:

"When I reached intellectual maturity, and began to ask myself whether I was an atheist, a theist, or a pantheist; a materialist or an idealist; a Christian or a freethinker, I found that the more I learned and reflected, the less ready was the answer; until at last I came to the conclusion that I had neither art nor part with any of these denominations, except the last. The one thing in which most of these good people were agreed was the one thing in which I differed from them. They were quite sure that they had attained a certain "gnosis"--had more or less successfully solved the problem of existence; while I was quite sure I had not, and had a pretty strong conviction that the problem was insoluble. And, with Hume and Kant on my side, I could not think myself presumptuous in holding fast by that opinion"...

"Agnosticism, in fact, is not a creed, but a method, the essence of which lies in the rigorous application of a single principle. That principle is of great antiquity; it is as old as Socrates; as old as the writer who said, 'Try all things, hold fast by that which is good'; it is the foundation of the Reformation, which simply illustrated the axiom that every man should be able to give a reason for the faith that is in him, it is the great principle of Descartes; it is the fundamental axiom of modern science. Positively the principle may be expressed: In matters of the intellect, follow your reason as far as it will take you, without regard to any other consideration. And negatively: In matters of the intellect, do not pretend that conclusions are certain which are not demonstrated or demonstrable. That I take to be the agnostic faith, which if a man keep whole and undefiled, he shall not be ashamed to look the universe in the face, whatever the future may have in store for him."

Thank you for putting up with this long winded reply. I read the other replies on this thread and I wanted to give you a little bit more concrete evidence on what agnostic is and how it came about if you already did not know. I

Be aware that he is a cult survivor and will probably always have a pull toward the cult's belief system, and he will be struggling to live an authentic life. It's good he has a loving partner who can gently listen to his feelings and cheer him on as he recovers. If he decides to go back to the brainwashers, get couples counseling quickly before they convince him he doesn't need it! If he continues his healthy recovery, the two of you can play some fun games once in a while, like "who got guilted the most?" as you swap horror stories of mind and life control. Or marvel together at how much fun you are having now that you are free of dogma restraints, right?

Movement from being an agnostic toward atheism is largely a matter of courage and maturity. Over time most agnostics finally get the courage to admit that they are atheists. Don't argue, but ask questions which allow the person to clarify their own thoughts. Give him time and space. He will get there.

if he's not religious ask him why he cares if there's a creator? if there is something that would be capable of comprehending the entirety of the universe, it would have no regard for us, let alone provide us with an 'afterlife' or teachings.

and if the bible is such a good guide to life why did god waste the first 5 of 10 commandments screaming me, me!, me!, me!, me!, and not banning slavery.

in the end, he's a Christian saying he's agnostic to be with you, you should take it as a compliment, you make a man deny his faith in spite of himself.

If faith is the opposite of reason and people are bound to possess some combination or percentage of the two, then focus on that similarity. It seems to me the trick is not to get hung up on things that the percentage of difference is minimal. I try to think of views on this topic as personal, when they leave the personal realm they don't function very well. On that note the things we tell ourselves have been shaped by the confluence of our openness to the experiences when they occur, he just hasn't had the effective motivation to change a conviction. Horses can be lead to water, blah blah blah. My suggestion would be to consider your own narrative and whether it's suiting you or the relationship, as that you can assuredly change if you so desire. You can ask and hope for it, but expecting others to change is generally a death sentence for relationships.

Base on what you have discussed, He does not show an Agnostic's way of thinking. The only advice I can suggest is, understand him. Talk to him directly that, he is not suppose to think like that if he is agnostic. Tell him straight. Besides, Agnosticism is a branch and a doctrine of Philosophy. I do not want to to sound edgy but If he thinks without logic, criticism and without questioning, maybe he does not know the nature of Agnosticism, not to offend but he maybe just a self proclaimed "Agnostic".