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Would You Be Ok With Your Child Choosing To Be a Believer?

Lets say you are a Non Believer and a Parent.
If your Teenage or Adult child chooses to follow a Religion,
Please tell me how you would Cope with this.

Since I don't have kids, I often wonder how parents in this situation handle situations like this.

Would Belief or Non Belief differences effect your relationship with your child and if so how?

twshield 8 Jan 30
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46 comments

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10

They're my kids for ever. They could become mass murderers and they would still be my kids.
I don't doubt it would create difficulties and tension between us but like that's never happened before 😉
So, honestly, it would be well strange but they'd still be my kids. (Even though they're in their 30's!!) 🙂

Yep.

7

Of course I would be okay with it. I've already been through that with my eldest daughter, who is now a full fledged born again evangelical whatchamacallit. It's not nice to say you're all for freedom of choice and then deny it.

RC - it's really hard though. My son has made me cry a lot.

@GoldenDoll -- Didn't say it was easy, but it is all about perspective and remaining true to ones convictions.

7

It is their choice, not mine. I would have discussions with them so they understand my attitudes.

7

Absolutely... some of my best friends are believers.

6

Yes. My child is not an extension of myself. I would prefer that she did not become a believer, but she would have to live her own life.

6

My daughter is a non believer but if she was a believer I would not let it effect my relationship with her

6

Iwould be supported because I would know that I made sure my child had all the answers and knowledge that they required/needed.

5

there choice but they can leave it at my front door and I would leave my none belief at the same place.

5

Unfortunately both my children claim to be believers and have asked me not to discuss my lack belief with my grandchildren. My 6 year old grandson is already concerned I’m going to hell as he asked me if I believed in god and I told him I don’t believe in something that doesn’t exist. Maybe he’ll see the light someday.

Wow that's rough ("grandson is already concerned..." ). I have a similar experience with two of my nieces. I'm sorry 😟

At that age, my now atheist son was concerned about my fate as well.

I do not discuss my humanism much because it doesn't come up. The kids went to some humanist meetings with me which I was surprised my daughter allowed but she says they can make up their own minds just like she did.

There were a couple of times long ago that the youngest one asked me why I don't believe and I said that I wasn't sure her mother would like us discussing it and it was dropped. They are now 11 and 13 and if they ask again, I will discuss it but they read and research shit on their own so if they want to know, they likely already do.

I hope it gets better with your children when your grandchild is older

5

We are raising our kids to be freethinkers and have encouraged them to learn about different religions, as well as continuing to teach them science based knowledge and how it compares/contrasts with some religious information.

We all have to make up our minds what makes sense in this world, I just want them to be able to make an informed choice. If they decide religion is for them, I would support that.

5

I have 2 children, one believes, one does not. I love them both. Both were exposed to church by their peers here in the bible belt. I told both of them, I wanted them to decide for themselves. At the same time, I explained to them why I did not believe. It is obvious to me that my children have different needs in many areas. They must fulfill those needs in whatever way they feel is best. Neither of them are fundamentalist crazies or constantly critical of the beliefs of others. Of that I am proud.

4

I would be disappointed. My sons were raised on science, not stupidity.

I'm disappointed too. aAnd worried about his mental state.

4

Let the children choose as you have had the opportunity to choose. Give them the best knowledge to make the choice. but let them make that choice. You don't have to agree with their choice, but let them know that you support their right to choose.

4

I am an atheist and a father, my kids are free to choose for themselves and I will stand behind them 100%, I will not give up my beliefs and I would not expect them to give up their beliefs

4

Think I am safely past the time when my kids would get religious, as the youngest is 43. If it were to happen, then would still include them in family functions. Just keep religion out of the discussions. If talking directly to me, would just tell them no I don't believe and won't talk about it.
Back when the kids were in high school, one daughter started going to a big christian church that had a good rock band. Wasn't long before we figured out it was the drummer who was of interest. Youngest son fell for a cute mormon girl, and meet with mormon missionaries for several months. We had raised our kids to question, and he never got good answers from them. As he told me, wouldn't answer his questions. Our kids were raised to question, and if don't get good reasons, then don't believe. His next girl friend was an non believer who he married.

4

My adult daughter IS a believer and lives with me. So do 2 of her 3 children.

My older son says he believes but I do not think so. My youngest son is openly atheist.

I think my daughter barely believes and only clings to it because she had a still born daughter that she believes is in heaven and all her friends are believers.

Her oldest son is 18 and is not a believer. I had said to her once that I thought her middle child would come out as one when he was older and her response was that it would be her youngest because and I quote " ,,, is like you, she likes science, experimenting and researching stuff"

My daughter is sooooo close to being one herself LOL

@twshield I've been fortunate that few in my family care deeply about it. When my kids were young, they went to church with friends or not as they pleased, My youngest at one time said I was a sinner for being in a relationship with a woman but he outgrew it.

As for my daughter, we rarely discuss religion. Her kids are aware of my views and see it as no big deal since my daughter sees it as no big deal SN her friend prays for me daily I hear lol.

There was a child at the grandkids school being bullied for being an atheist and both my grandchildren defended him for having the right to believe what he wanted. They came home and asked their mother if they were in the right and she unequivocally stated that they were.

4

I was once a believer that transitioned to non-belief, so It would be hypocritical of me to express a problem with their journey. As long as I've consistently taught them respect, understanding, and tolerance, and I've educated and informed them (not indoctrinated), then I've done my part. It is their life, and their choice.

3

I am a strong believer in allowing others to think and feel as they wish. I am strongly against organized religions. My daughter has a friend who goes to church and sometimes my daughter goes to youth group with her. My daughter has developed an interest in that religion and while I won't go so far as to take her to church I do keep an open dialog with her on the subject of religion. I try to help her notice the good and the bad. Like when they separated by genders and she was not happy with being stuck doing "girly" things while the boys got to outside and have fun. All I can do is guide her to make her own choices. She is 14.

Kim78 Level 4 Feb 3, 2018
3

I wouldn't have to "cope". My daughter is a semi-practicing Catholic, and I say, more power to her! We don't try to change each other, and love each other as-is. We have many different beliefs, different politics, hell, even different view on parenting, but we don't let that get in the way of our relationship. We could choose to let our differences be a problem, but we don't.

I applaud your decision to let your daughter make her own religious decisions, and showing respect seems to have worked as well as for you as it did for me. My daughter turned 18 last december. How old is yours?

@heathen77 I didn't "let".......she has always explored different religions, even as a kid (she is 35)- Judaism, "holy roller", etc. I just accepted her as-is, but never felt the need to buy into any of it.....she could do as she wanted as long as she didn't try to preach any of that crap to me. It has worked out well. Glad you and your daughter have a good relationship too.

3

I wouldn’t be thrilled but he has to live his own life and with the results of all his decisions.

2

I don't currently have children but if I ever do I want to raise them to think for themselves. If they decide that any particular religion or cult or anything else they are into is what they want to do, as long as they are not hurting themselves or others and are happy, then I'm happy.

2

I'm so disappointed that my son is a believer. He's developmentally disabled and spent his childhood being bullied for it, so I'm glad he has a social network now. He has his church friends and has stoner friends, and I'm hoping they even each other out.

I tried to raise him to be a critical thinker. Sadly, he just doesn't think critically. If it wasn't religion, he'd still believe in all sorts of weird stuff.

I've tried really had to understand this belief thing. I've never held a belief in my life, and want to better understand the means by which someone does it. Insofar as I can tell, belief is the acceptance of claims without evidentiary requirements, and I'm not sure how to do that. I would like to better understand so I can better relate to my son.

In spite of his beliefs, my son is a nice young man. He loves, and still in some manner needs, his mom.

2

I've just left my son's house in Australia after being a verbal punchbag for his new-found hyper-religious beliefs. His religious wife worked on him for 4 years before he cracked, & although he says he loves me, he obviously dislikes me & believes I'm going to hell if I don't accept jeebus as my saviour. When I asked him HOW he could believe this, he said he didn't like to think about it but was hopeful of a "death-bed conversion". This doesn't help his dear loving grandpa, an atheist all his life, who is now, according to my son, writhing in eternal agony in hell. To all of you who have commented "I would respect their choice" I hope you never have to go through this.

2

Yes I'd be OK with it. Having been in massive conflicts with my own parents over religion, I would not inflict that on my son or daughter, no matter how much I disagreed with them. Having said that, I'm glad I raised 3 atheists.

2

I would discourage it. Plan museum and library visits. Family nature walks, beach, stargazing, Show them real things Distract and redirect.

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