To a certain degree men are taught not to cry. We have to be stoic and be able to handle what life throws at you. But there is very little training about how to do this.

What I will say is not what I thing is right, it's simply observation of the average and most common.
Men are taught to never show feelings, to never give the others something to explore. It is difficult to change this stonewall behaviour.
More than that we are trained to take care and protect first. And that's how you show the feelings.
If you are in pain or feeling bad, go take care of it by yourself, don't bother the ones you love and don't show a possible competitor that you are in a weak moment.
When you are feeling good, distribute your happiness with the ones you love.
This is hammered down since childhood, a 30 years old man can try but he will never be completely free from this process. The only hope is the next generation.

The fact that you had to ask him if he missed you was a red flag!

I firmly believe that actions do speak louder than words and his actions would suggest that he's not all in. Your profile states you're open to meeting men, so you're not all in either.

So, are you frightened of losing what you do have? If he rocks up, says something nice and you end up in the sack, where's the motivation, for either of you, to make this any different?

Have you broken it off? Does he know/think you've broken it off? Has it been broken off before and then started up again?

I would have thought that the very fact you've made this post would suggest you, at the very least, have some unfinished emotional and possibly physical business.

There's lot of details missing to really know the whole deal but essentially if you put a bunch of ingredients together and they make a cake then if you put all those ingredients together again, in the same way, you'll end up with the same cake. If you really want something different then change the ingredients.

Maybe what you have is safe, maybe it's what you want, maybe this whole dynamic is exactly what makes it work (the way it does) Only you know for sure.

To answer some of your questions, I explained more in my post.

Lets see, does teasing count. We teased each other a lot and often said the opposite of what was expected. Like did you miss me? Were you gone? Often when she was gone (she was gone a lot) I would make a nice meal for when she returned. Sometimes she would ask, when are you going somewhere? When I did she told me the first few days it was nice having some alone time but then after that she missed me. It was exactly the same for me.

Yes this is a frustration I have with my male FWBs at the moment. He sucks at communication and against all odds, I try to get him to open up. Interestingly, he opens up when we are arguing to one up me or when I become more distant from him. ughh super introverts :/

Im currently in a relationship and he is very expressive with his feelings. I like it cause im emotional as well. He doesnt go overboard and he is more restrained in public.

Communication is very important to me.
We cannot read minds.

From the PSYCHOLOGY TODAY article you posted:

"Men are in a "double-bind" when it comes to expressing emotions. Although men may not always know what they're feeling, there's one thing they’re sure about: They’re convinced they’re in a major double bind. Society encourages men to express their feelings, but when they do, their partners are often petrified, if not horrified. Women, they may believe, want their partners to show their feelings, but only certain feelings, and only in doses they can handle. In fact, results from numerous research studies—as well as clinical experience—tells us that men may be right to be wary of women who implore them to show their true feelings. Men who deviate from the traditional masculine norm by being emotionally expressive and talking about their fears are often judged as being poorly adjusted."

The significance of this statement cannot be overemphasized. 50+ years and 3 marriages in the tank later, I finally realized that my difficulty in retaining relationships stemmed in large part from the dilemma outlined above; and likely can be traceable to what I to this day consider my first serious relationship, which was in high school.

To briefly summarize; I was (at least, I felt I was) deeply in love with a girl named Paula. She was a beautiful girl with a somewhat shy, but endearing personality. We began to get quite serious, and the relationship began to get very physical, though we never actually had sex. We were together for a few months when one day, I believe it was raining that day, I went over to see her. I hadn't called (No cell phones, of course), and don't recall now whether we'd agreed to meet, or not, but when I got to her house, she met me at the door and simply said, "I can't see you anymore." That was one of the worst days of my life. We never talked again. I never got an explanation. Nothing. It was over.

Fear of rejection is major "brick in the wall." Intimacy, emotional, psychological intimacy, in my opinion, is the strongest tether that can bind two people to one another. Once that is dissolved, or rejected, whether real or perceived, deep, deep hurt and anguish can develop. It can be manifest in many ways: anger, a drive to excel, shutting down of those emotions, separation from society in general, in the extreme, or merely living of a life with the constant thought hovering at the edge of conscious awareness that intimacy, and giving in to feelings, i.e., being vulnerable, equals pain. And who wants pain?

I don't know for sure, but in my mind, some, if not a major part of what ultimately transpired had a great deal to do with her being "a good Catholic girl." And I don't blame it all on religion, but I honestly believe it was partially responsible.

Anyway, thanks for bringing up the topic. And to the other guys here who have openly expressed themselves, thanks for the encouragement.

Why do you keep returning to a relationship that you don't like? If it bothers you enough to break up with him repeatedly, why do you start things up with him again repeatedly? There are many men in this world who do express their feelings, why don't you look for one of them?

If you are stuck on a merry-go-round, it's because of an issue within you. He's not going to change or he would have by now. It's time to start looking at yourself and asking some hard questions so you can get yourself out of the rut.

Interesting thread. I had a flame do this exact same thing. I always felt pigeon holed. There’s some great dialogue here.

I think most people aren’t taught how to communicate and express themselves. This is especially true with men who are taught their whole lives to suck it up and deal with it. Being intimate and talking about real feelings makes people vulnerable and often uncomfortable as well. Opening your whole self up to someone is scary especially if you are not confident in yourself and who you are. It often takes people going to therapy and talking to someone impartial to get to the core of the person.

Ok, so this man is someone you have dated. Therefore, I would say there is some foundation of feelings there. If you take his words literally, that's a pretty big statement. That response to your apparently light-hearted question implies to me there is something going on. You know him better than I do so I'll take your assessment that this is his way of telling you he's lonely.

I like to think I'm a pretty clear communicator and if I said something like that I would mean it and would say it in the larger context of a conversation addressing an actual relationship and probably not just fire it off as a reply to a more general question as you posed above. I'm not always good at reading between the lines, but I do think I'm pretty perceptive.

Maybe he didn't miss you, but lacked the courage to say so. That's a communication problem related to honesty, not necessarily a lack of ability to express his feelings. Also, maybe you should show him the door and lock it behind him. But to make a good assessment, I'd need to hear his perspective too. In any event, good luck. Relationships are hard.

Is it all about men who can't express their feelings? Or does it have more to do with women having no romantic interest in men who actually can and do express their feelings?

The question “Did you miss me?” isn’t about feelings. He can like or love you and still enjoy or need time away. It’s also a Yes or No question, which boxes someone in to trying to guess what you’ll consider the correct answer.

I will admit that I am not the best at verbally expressing my feelings, though I will say what I feel. I really have always felt that actions speak louder than words.I would tell her 'I love you', and thank her for things she did. I was married for 25 years, and in that time I did the cooking, cleaning (She helped in this one), all the outside work, as the matter of fact she never had to scrape the snow off her windows in the morning, I would go out and do it (I also scrapped my daughters windows when she started driving). But in the end it just wasn't enough.I suppose I was mistaken about the whole actions speak louder than words....

I have never had any problem expressing my feelings.... Only how those expressions are received/perceived. It is something that I continue to work on. It is easy for me to express positive feelings and have them come across effectively. But I need to put more thought sometimes into how I express myself negatively. (IE, the current political climate.) With negative emotion... I tend to just spit out what is on my mind. Not always a good thing.

Something to think about... Sometimes it is not that a man cannot express his feelings. The problem is he doesn't LISTEN so he is not sure what his feelings should be or how to express them.

I am in sales so whenever I do a presentation or sales training I always use "checkbacks" to make sure I am being understood and they are hearing what I am saying and that they understand its meaning.

If there is a hole in his heart , he needs to see a cardiologist . If he loves a woman , he sees that woman . He has the agony to make sure nobody else sees that woman . He is present . He is in her life . Rest ma'am is for the birds . That's the only way I understand love between a man and a woman .
I have noticed thou , and even if not a mother , women say to litle boys " don't cry . Be a man ". Or men say to litle boys " girls talk , u r a boy , u don't need that drama " etc .
Until we , the women , the mother , teach our litle boys to be comftable in their own skin and their emotions and words , .. we may contribute to grown up men of " litle words " and no " emotions showing ".

Perhaps it isn’t him that is unable to express his feelings, but it is you who is unable to hear them.

I’ve found many different types of people in life, and they all express themselves differently. If you only seek to be spoken to the way you understand the problem doesn’t lie with he communicator, but the receiver.

I see myself lol! I am working on it

People Express feelings in different ways and depths. Sounds to me like the problem is less with this guy (he seems to be very consistent in his ways) and more about you! Don't fault someone for not being what you need when clearly they simply don't have the depth you may require... Simply recognize these character preferences in yourself and seek out better matches. What is it they say about trying the same thing over and over yet expecting different results? ?

"When you are gone, there is a hole in my life, and a hole in my heart,"

I would say that is an expression of love and in no way confusing.. I'm not understanding your issue?

I'm in a weird position where some of my feelings register right away, often without a firm basis, but others take months to figure out. I have no problem expressing them once I've figured them out, but until then, I guess I'm a problem. Dunno if there's a name for that. Regardless, you certainly deserve someone intune with their feelings and capable of elucidating them.