I don't believe in forgiving, or forgetting.
Sure, you can get over whatever was done, and move on with your life. However, you should never forget it.
I don't believe in forgiveness. I think it's just more of that feel-good bullshit, born of religion, that people like to talk about in an effort to make themselves feel better about getting screwed over.
Like I said, get over it or don't, that's entirely up to the individual. But, never, ever forget about the deed. Choosing to forget is tantamount to opening yourself up to allowing it to happen again. So is choosing to "forgive" the offending party. I know people like to say that they do it for themselves, but I don't buy it. I would never let someone who did something truly egregious off the hook. I might try to understand what motivated them to do whatever they did, but I'm sure as hell not going to ever forget it. I'm also not likely to ever trust them again, or put myself in any kind of position for them to do whatever they did again.

I have heard it said that forgiveness will bring peace to you. However, who can truly forget? I don't think that is possible.

You won't forget - your memories will change over time, but you can forgive.

Forgiving is for you, not him or the person who has wronged you.

Cancel the debt and move on. It has passed and his actions are now out of your control. Get on with your life and channel the negative thoughts on the past into positive ones for you and your boys future.

There’s no value in forgiving or forgetting...just let go of the anger and move forward. I haven’t forgiven my ex for being a lousy father but honestly rarely give him a thought one way or the other.

My ex wife lied about me to my two daughters... on purpose or not is irrelevant. It was her state of mind at the time. And I only said... I will appeal the verdict of my children on my case when they are adults. They are seeing it now... I was not a "smiling monster" or a "perturbed asshole". I had even forgiven my mother in law that created a breach between my son and me. Even now days talking with them I am discovering things said about me. I had never cared for rumors. My children know that "If you want to know the truth about my life... there is only one source... the rest is hear-say". I used to say... My payback will be simple... I will dance on their graves one day. I no longer say that. But I try to dance a lot. I go thru life without carrying baggage if somebody wants to carry me as baggage... fuck 'em.

If by forgive, you mean no longer hold ill feelings against someone you felt wronged by, then, yes, I no longer hold grudges against anyone. That does not mean that there are no persons that I would never want, or allow back in my life. But, I don't harbor ill feelings, it's wasteful and mentally exhausting to me. So, I basically just put them out of my mind. I have to say, however, that I can imagine certain acts someone could do, that could cause unmitigated hate and fury in me and it would involve anything done to my loved ones to ruin any of their lives.

It’s been said that carrying a grudge is like holding onto a hot coal, with the intention of throwing it at someone - it is only YOU that is hurt by this. And intellectually I understand that. I know that me continuing to feel hurt and betrayed and angry about how someone treated me is painful for me and doesn’t effect the perpetrator at all. That doesn’t make it easy to let go of the pain.

I've tried to trade forgiveness for acceptance so i could drop the anger. carrying that around is tough.
i like accept and remember better.

"Have you ever been able to truly forgive something terrible that has been done to you or someone you love?" No. I'll not elaborate on what it was that happened, though I will say it wasn't a murder, or attempted murder, not a theft of anything physical, and no broken bones.

I don't forgive or forget, I don't see why I should. Not into feel good platitudes.

I'm not into forgiveness crap. Everytime I've ever let something go that was serious sure enough given enough time the thing/behavior raised it's ugly head again.

Think it's more about dwelling on something when it comes to the injured party. If that's the best they can do to get their mind around it by "forgiving", well ok, but that doesn't work for me.
Never in a million years would I for instance, ever be able to "forgive" someone for killing or hurting my kid or one of mine.

E.g. right now in laws "bread crumbing" us. Do I let them back in? After 2 therapists have warned us to keep our distance? I've lapses into overly magnanimous moments at times and have to watch myself.

Personally this is about learning to follow my gut. I don't go into relationships with a prejudiced mindset like some ppl I know but damned if I'm going to ignore "ick" factor anymore.

Forgiving is a choice; forgetting is not.

Forgive, but never forget.

The key is not in forgiveness but in acceptance. we are truly responsible for our own happiness and in order to move on and help your children move on you may have to take the high road . Im sorry you were hurt but becoming bitter and holding on to grudges is not healthy for you or your children. you didnt give alot of info on what he did or why . It takes 2 to tango and you also have a responsibility in the situation. I wish the best to all of you.

I hate that saying. Why forget? So it can be repeated? Forgiving is another matter. I think it is a process, not a one off act. And includes forgiving yourself for having been attracted to an abusive partner, or having been in the wrong place wrong time, or being the only survivor of some holocaust or whatever. I feel over a (long) time certain wrongs lose some of their bite. But it does not mean they become "somewhat right" . The Autobahns Hitler built never compensate for the wrongs. Never ever. The emotional abuse I suffered from an ex partner becomes more clear with time, not less so. Does not mean I have to hate him for the rest of my life, just don't want to have anything to do with him or his ilk.

As others have said, forgiveness is about you and the boys. Yes he caused hurt & damage but he is not going to fix it, come back, apologize, or even think about it. So he will never know, or care, whether or not you forgive him. This is all about finding a healing for you and for your boys. Perhaps focusing on new adventures? New hobbies & traditions? The boys are 8 years older now, their whole beings are completely changed so maybe focus on their interests today? Good luck; and be well, my friend.

I wish I could forgive, but it is not in my nature to forget.

Forgive, don't forget.

I left an abusive relationship that ended really, really poorly. I have struggled for years with the idea of forgiveness. But like others here have mentioned, I don't forgive for his sake, but for mine. It was a long process and wasn't easy by any stretch, but I do think it can be done. I like to think of the definition, "to give or to allow." Which has helped me to see it more as an allowance of being. It happened and I can't change it through my anger and resentment. I can, however, allow it to be, sit with it, and practice deep compassion toward myself during those moments. I can allow it to be part of who I am and why I am. Radical acceptance can be such a release.

Forget and move on is a better slogan maybe.

Yes. Anger and hate are wasted energy. Even a bad relationship had occassional good times. I also learned to forgive my parents for physical and emotional abuse. An inner child class helped me with that. Hate is a waste of time and your resources.

My definition - Forgive; To quit blaming. --- I believe this is practically impossible while still harboring the superstitious idea of free will. Without free will, blame is ill-logical, and so, forgiveness is easy. Forget -- never.