Agnostic.com

28 8

What's your "Atheist Public Persona"?

NOTE: I apologise in advance for the length of this post. In order to give the proper amount of background info & context I knew I just had to plow through it. Sorry. --R


What's your "Atheist Public Persona"? Before I explain what I mean, a little background info is in order.

A LITTLE BACKGROUND INFO
I'm a native Southerner. I was born in Atlanta, but grew up in suburban & rural GA my entire life. Like most Southern atheists, my entire family is comprised of VERY conservative Trumpers, with pretty severe racist tendencies and a healthy dose of evangelical holier-than-thou syndrome.

As I describe it, I'm the "white sheep" in a family of "black sheep". 😉

Unfortunately, people like my family comprise the vast majority of society down here. This in turn makes it even more intimidating & daunting to even admit you're an atheist to yourself, much less to your family or society at large. And I don't begrudge them anything; to come out as atheist almost guarantees you heated conflicts, shunning, harrassment, and more. You'll almost certainly be ostracized by members of your family, and will probably lose most of your friends. You can even lose your job (but of course in a way that makes it hard to prove).

It's much to risk.

When I came out as an atheist to my family at around 16, I remember my grandfather telling me that he'd "rather I be a homo than an atheist" - which gives you some insight into what most of us are dealing with.

THE PROBLEM
Most people's minds have been stuffed with a plethora of negative stereotypes concerning the godless, and from every facet of their lives - family, church, friends & their families, and even school leaders. They're told we "hate god", are "in league with Satan", are "amoral anarchists" who want to "tear down the very foundations of our society", and who "can't love others because love comes from god - no god, no love". And this is just the tip of the iceberg.

MY SOLUTION
So, shortly after the, ahem, "welcome" I received from my family I decided that, if I want society to be more accepting of us then I should stop bitchin' and start doin'. I decided that I needed to do my part to affect change where I can, when I can, in my own way. I decided to embark on somewhat of a guerrilla campaign to try and break down the wall of negative stereotypes, one brick at a time.

THE GOAL
I realized my primary goal isn't too tear down their beliefs. Instead I just want us to be accepted & respected within our society, and for us to not need to hide anymore. In fact, that should be the default for all of us, no matter what out belief system or philosophy happens to be.

Simply put, my goal isn't conquest, it's acceptance.

CRAFTING THE SOLUTION
I realized that it's very easy to hate an abstract concept, which is how racism works. You hate some nameless, faceless ethnicity or another because of preconceived negative stereotypes that have been cemented into your head. But when get to know someone from a "not us - other" group - and I mean, really get to know the individual at a deeper level than just exchanging pleasantries - it suddenly becomes harder to hate them. Consciously or unconsciously you begin to realize we're all more alike than different. Most are good people - they simply want to lead a good life, take care of & provide for family & friends, give their kids a better life than they had, help others, and live in peace.

Suddenly their ironclad resolve to hate an entire group of people comes with riders & qualifiers. How many times have you heard, "I hate ALL ___ - except for Bob, he's a great guy."

That's one brick knocked out of that wall, only a few million more to go.

BORROWING FROM THEIR PLAYBOOK
I knew that I had to slip past their defenses to be able to truly reach them. This means I couldn't use the standard "tear down their beliefs with facts &logic" approach; I needed something more subtle, a less threatening way.

After giving it a bit of thought I decided to take a page out of my old church's Handbook of Indoctrination. I decided that I would conduct my life as a "living testimony of my non-belief".

I would witness to them. My life would be my living testimony of atheism.

PUTTING IT INTO PRACTICE
First, I wanted to build a rapport with those that I encountered on a regular basis. People such as cashiers at the stores where I regularly shop, coworkers, my kids' teachers, friends, and their parents, etc - you get the idea.

Next I needed a conversation starter. I needed something that would compel them to start a conversation with me. So I began wearing my Atheist symbol necklace every day, and always visible. I also have the same symbol tattooed on my lower am. This way at least one of them is visible every single day. (BTW you can see the necklace in most of my pics, and there's one of my tattoo itself.)

Since very few people outside of the godless community know what our symbols are, it tempts them to ask me about it. Eventually, Most of the time. ?

BOOM! I'm in.

The beauty of it is that in almost all circumstances, people don't feel comfortable enough to ask me about it until they feel they know me well enough to ask. And at that point I've already started tearing down those prejudices, because they view is as friends, and see that I'm a good person.

"THE TALK" (No, not THAT one ?)
Once they ask me about it I simply say it's an atheist symbol that I really like. I explain briefly that I want people to see that we're not the monsters you've been taught we are, etc. I then answer any question they want to ask, in an overly friendly way. I tell them to feel free to ask me anything they want and I'll gladly answer their questions.

The way it typically goes is that they do come back with other questions, and each time they do they seem a lot more at ease.

And with each subsequent visit another brick or two is knocked down.

BTW, notice that I never mention their religion, because I never want to give them the mistaken impression that I'm here to attack them or destroy their beliefs.

WRAPPING UP THIS NOVELLA (FINALLY!)
So, I guess I would define my "Atheist Public Persona" as an ATHEVANGELIST - someone dedicated towards the acceptance of atheists in society at large, someone who demonstrates that we're not only "good people", we're pretty much the same as everyone else. Additionally, there's a pretty good chance you already know multiple atheists amongst your friends & family - you just don't know it because they have chosen to keep it to themselves.

What about you? Are you out of the godless closet? If so, what's your Atheist Public Persona?

I'd love to hear all about it! ?

Geektheist 6 Nov 4
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

28 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

7

I'm British. British people in general don't care. I personally know very few religious people. Most people attend church only on three occasions (hatched, matched, dispatched as they say here). I went to church schools until I was 16 (most junior schools are church led) but it was so low key that I was openly discussing my lack of belief with my teachers who didn't appear to care. My parents were not religious and my grandpa hated religion. The only openly religious people I encounter are Muslim people and a lot of them are moving away from their faith. Hence I'm Jayne and I don't believe in god. No one cares

My best friends live in the London area, near Twickenham. I have seriously thought about moving there because things seem so much more sane there than here. Plus, London is my most favorite big city in the world.

@Geektheist I am 400 miles from London, I am not fond of any of southern England (I am a country bumpkin). The enclosed is why! I live in the north of England.

@Geektheist Immigration to UK (even for Americans) is not easy....best way is to marry a Brit.

@Amisja - I'm jealous. I've entertained the idea of moving to London - mainly because of the proximity to the type of work I do (computer geek); however I do love the English countryside as well. I've taken daytrips with my friends to different parts of the country, e.g. Brighton, the standard Bath/Windsor/Stonehenge trip that seems to be a requirement 😉 , the Cotswolds, etc.

But if you asked my daughters, they'd say bin England and move to Ireland. They fell in LOVE with the Emerald Isle 🙂

@Amisja - (re: marry a brit) Miss Jayne! But I just met you!!!! 😀 😀 😀

@Geektheist All of the afore mentioned are in the south..yuck

@Geektheist Thats quite alright, I won't be marrying another American soon...as in this life time

@Amisja -you are wise. I don't think I'd put qualifiers - just "I don't think I'd get married again."

Yep, that about covers it. ?

This post is the best. It makes me smile. Cheers!

3

I am me all of the time. I am not very good at being someone I am not.

3

Personality is what we show on the outside, whereas character is what we feel on the inside. I really did not chance much, I am still me. My personality is the same, my character, or values are the same. I still care, and have empathy. So my persona from day to day is to simply go on being myself.

I enjoyed your essay, it was an interesting read. As a Christian, I was an evangelist, now as an agnostic, I no longer feel on a mission to change anyone's minds. The only person I needed to convince was myself, and I no longer feel I need to defend my beliefs to others. So its been quite liberating.

My grandfather (the other one ?) always said, "character is what you do when no one's looking".

I've always liked that.

2

That post certainly was not too long, some posts are boring but I read all the way through and enjoyed every word. I can not comment on your persona since things are very different here in Europe, but it sound like you are doing very well.

2

I love this post. It's something I've been trying to figure out. I work for a organization that prays before meetings and such. Most employees profess some kind of belief that is just assumed to be believed by everyone in the company. I'm not sure how to start that conversation without sounding like the stereotypical vegan. So, maybe the necklass thing is a good idea. I'm just afraid, like you said, about job status. They wouldn't out right fire me but why give an athiest a promotion at a company? Despite being more competent and logic driven.
Again, I enjoyed your post. Thanks.

That's the thing I was hoping to stress in my post - that MY approach is not going to work for everyone because of their situation - AND I GET THAT. You MUST do what is best for YOU, to keep from getting hurt or losing things that are important. We have to pick our battles - and there will be other opportunities for you to do your part, in your way.

Just be careful.

2

Thank you for sharing your story R. I agree with you. I live in England and my small market town hasn't many atheists or agnostics. I was brought up a Christian but chose to follow the latest scientific theories and discoveries about our universe. At first I called myself a Christian Humanist but that soon went. "You cannot be a Christian and a Humanist" was the cry hurled at me by both Christians and Humanists. OK, so I dropped that tag and called myself just a humanist (although I didn't join any official Humanist groups) I act like you do R. I never reject the Christians, who are in the majority in my small community, in stead I am friendly to them. I explain what I believe and answer questions. I think you hit the nail on the head (sorry for the cliche) but you are right in your approach. I wish you all the best.

2

Here in rural Illinois things are very similar to the way you describe Georgia. I did, in fact, lose a job by being openly atheist. Once I "came out" at work, I was given all the worst tasks, denied use of my vacation time, and picked on until working there made me physically ill. They finally became so blatantly hostile that I felt forced to quit. I have seen the ugliest side of Christianity, but it prompted me to prove that I could be far more "Christian" than any of them. i volunteer and donate on behalf of the homeless, have volunteered to teach adults to read, and make it a point to incorporate kindness and compassion into every part of daily living possible. None of the people claiming to be Christians can keep up.

Deb57 Level 8 Nov 4, 2018

I find it sad but amusing that most of the atheists I know are better at being "good Christians" (kind, compassionate, giving) than most who consider themselves good Christians. Even some of the Christians I know only give of their time and money through their church. I guess they need to rack up those brownie points with god.

@dkp93 - I agree 100%! I find that atheists tend to be much more "good" or "moral" than the religious because a) we hold OURSELVES accountable. If we fuck up, WE OWN IT. It is up to us to make amends, ask the person we wronged for forgiveness, etc. We don't get "do-overs" by simply saying "sorry! forgive me!" to some magic sky daddy.

We also realize that this is the only life we have, so if we want it to be better we have to roll up our sleeves and do our part. We can't pretend to foist it onto some holy genie who might, at it's whim, fix things and then walk away with a clear conscience.

I could go on and on, but I know I'm, ahem, "preaching to the choir" 😉

@Geektheist In addition to your points, I've realized that some Xtians believe the suffering of others is ok because it's what god wants, and those who suffer will get their reward in heaven. Mother Theresa may be the most prolific example of this. No need to help alleviate the suffering of others because they'll be ok after they die. I think it's also how they can write off extreme injustices and tragedies. (I will say that I may be wildly incorrect about this, and it may only be true for a small percentage of Christians.)

2

Growing up in the 60-80s feeling like the only Atheist in the world, I tend to be more vocal about my Atheim than most. I debate at churches "organized debates" I'll walk up to street evangelist and talk to them. I'm fascinated by theology.

Me too! It's some of the greatest fiction I've ever read!

@Stilltrying1964 It is fiction and I agree it can be a fun read, but the thing I enjoy most is talking to theists who understand the Bible and challenging them on what they believe.

2

I am very open about my lack of delusional beliefs and I do my best to avoid associating with the devote types, the same way that I would avoid other forms of psychosis because it really is a form of insanity when you think about it rationally. I don't attack the delusional unless they attack me and even then I exercise restraint when I rebuff them, the way you stop a retarded kid from attacking you on a playground, reasonable force only because someone has to be the adult and it sure isn't going to be them. Beyond that I do my good deeds whenever the opportunity presents itself because I was and still am at heart, a fucking boy scout and live by the unofficial boy scout motto - whenever possible, try not to be a cunt. 🙂

Of course we're still not allowed to be Boy Scouts or Scout Leaders. ?

@Geektheist After the Scouting Movement fell into decline in the 80's the administration became much more lenient about the requirement for religious belief and down graded it to a belief in a higher power. They let me in as a Scout Leader in the 90's because I acknowledge the possibility of a universal life force, I figured it was close enough and so did they but they also gave me the worst area in the district. In a year I had turned it around and in two years it was the largest and most active troop in the district, maybe because there was just a whole lot of outdoor activity and none of that praying in a church basement. 😉

@Surfpirate - that is GREAT! I'm glad you were there for those boys. Unfortunately it's all "church basement", "prayer time" before/after meetings, and "bible study camping trips" down here. It was really not much different than Awanas.

Luckily the Girl Scouts are VASTLY more enlightened. My girls were able to get their religion badge because they have a specific UU version, which makes no specific claims about a "higher power" at all. Also no prayers or anything like that.

It's amazing just how different the two orgs are.

2

I don't flaunt it, or hide it.

1

Such a good post with so many excellent replies. I am rather amazed that people would treat each other like such disposable commodities. I have never been to the American south but that sounds like a harsh experience. I am sorry that the people who were supposed to accept and care about you chose to withhold love. That sounds like 'talking goo,' but that is tramatic for a child.

You are quite a badass, Mr. R. You have overcome a lot.

I can't say that I have a persona. I have not thought thought about it much. I fall under the Brit Empire version of, 'who cares?' But it's understandable that people would when confronted by so much assholerire parading under the guise of faithful. I don't remember ever reading that you had to be an asshole to a 16 year old or believe that the Earth was 10,000 years old to get into heaven. I think treating someone negative as such isn't so much a Christian problem, more of an asshole culture problem.

Cheers to you, R.

Then you very much! ?

1

It isn't an issue for me, I am who I am in all situations. I was raised an Atheist in suburbs on the West coast.. My parents were academics. Even the kids I went to school with didn't actually believe in God or religion even if they were forced to go to church. I worked in Tech and it never came up except occasionally at clients in the South. I only have smart friends who are Atheist or non-religious, same for the people I date. Frankly it's hard to believe that anyone believes in God or follows any organized religion with the easy access we have to factual information. To me it's like believing in Santa Claus or the Easter Bunny.

1

I got to the word plethora - and all I can think about is having a plethora of Piñatas!

1

You seem to have come up with the perfect program which my wife and I have also been following for some 50 Years . It does work but not always. We did not get our families to accept us and they lost out on seeing their grandchildren grow up. It was sad.

1

Every person I know knows I am agnostic. I don't make a secret of it. I challenge Christians to show me one iota of evidence that anything religious is true. So far, nothing! Just today, I went to visit a 75 year old Jamaican lady who is a friend of mine. She is a Jehovah's Witness. I reminded her I am an engineer and I design roadways. According to the Bible, the roads in heaven are paved with gold. Believe me, I really would like to see roads paved with gold ( I also wonder what the base and sub base is made of - silver and platinum?) However, I don't see any evidence that any of the religious crap is true. The search goes on!

1

I'll explain my philosophy if I'm asked. I also don't proselytize--your soundness of thinking is not my concern, really.

Even few of my friends know my beliefs, because who cares. The only time I really speak up is on political issues (conflating Church and State, you all know what I mean) and when directly challenged by a believer.

Living in the NW it's pretty easy to get away with not going to church every Sunday, so my absence isn't noted. I suppose that may not be true everywhere in the country.

Down here as a kid the second question your asked after your name is, "what church do you go to?" Religion permeates everything down here.

@Geektheist I've lived in SC for 20 years now and don't think I've ever been asked which church I go to. I don't think it's been an issue for my kids either. Maybe we just put out a heathen vibe so no one wants to bother with us.

1

Well born and raised in San Francisco now not as liberal as most are led to believe. There are churches every where! But like your grandfather said it is easier to be gay than atheist. Or hew would prefer you to be. Now the sheep comment I have used it before but it was joking about my last name of Miller plenty of black people with the same last name so when asked if I was related to one I said you never know I might be the white sheep in the family. What I think is because black sheep were not all that common back when they stated using the analogy so to not be like everyone else you are the black sheep.
I can't understand with all the technoligy around and people still believe in superstitions, legends and myths these days. Just because people in your family believed in gods does mean you have to with no facts and proof or reasoning. I seen on facebook a post saying some priest in England claimed to make men penis longer by massaging them. I laughed because of course they get bigger when you stroke them. I laughed and was said I was making myself stupider for doing so. Sorry it was funny as hell. I am too old not to just come out and say how I see there is no proof of any gods. So many are so stupid to keep believing when so much proof against their beliefs. I ask for proof and they say look at the world then I say were is the gods. We have so much terrible natural things poison plants and animals, natural disasters, diseases and so on how can there be a god. There are many more atheist who are too scared to come out because of the hate religions create for others. So many go against what they claim religions and gods stand for. Scared that death is the end of life.

1

I must say Thank You!
I've been tip toeing my way through the sea of flat earthers and found not to push my defense button because I have had my car damaged, left with christian tracks, rejected by some family as well as my friends and professional life. So I have learned not to use atheist symbols, but like you, I show the "good people" look with much respect. Maybe they feel more superior and I get what I need done.

You see I like to be part of my environment but choose to control my environment for a better life. I also have a personal website for those to see my brand and can choose to like or hate me.

For years I've had a darwin fish emblem on my car. In the last five years I have had 11 of them defaced or completely removed from my vehicle. I carry two spares in my glove compartment. When I find it gone I replace it before I leave the parking lot.

One of the reasons I did this when my kids were younger is that I wanted them to see that people can be cruel & petty, even to the point of going against the very beliefs they hold in order to "defend" those same beliefs. When that happens we have one of two choices: accept their cruelty and be defeated by it, or refuse to accept it, stand your ground, and move on.

It was also a visceral reminder of the hypocrisy of many so called xians. It shows that for many of them, their "morality" & "kindness" are situational.

1

[skipped the extended reading] Answer to lead-in question: I maintain a pro-lofile ~

Varn Level 8 Nov 4, 2018
1

i've never been IN the closet. i've been an atheist since i was 15, i am 66 and a half now, and i have never hidden who or what i am.

the one thing about knocking the brick out of the wall is that people's prejudices can be so strong that they can know 100 black people, for example, and all 100 are good people, and they'll still say "those 100 are DIFFERENT." it's a weird mindset. so i would not count on the brick thing working as well as you hope, though i certainly would not give up trying. what else can you do?

g

All of my friends say I must have a little Don Quixote in me. I can't help but tilt at windmills - and the bigger the windmill, the harder I lean in when tilting. 😀

@Geektheist i was like that in junior high school. i wasn't an atheist yet but i had other issues. people kept calling me "dirty jew" and hitting me and throwing things at me. i thought i had to fight them all. i was in the band and the french horn player was in my core class/home room. he kept calling me dirty jew and i kept telling him to stop; on the way to band practice (i was a drummer) he kept saying it so i told him that if he said it one more time i would hit him in the mouth so hard his teeth would come out of his toenails. this shut him up for a couple minutes but in the instrument room he said it again so i hit him. i kept hitting him but he wouldn't fight back so i stopped. i felt stupid hitting a guy who was so surprised that i was actually hitting him that he could only stare at me in shock. i got my stuff and went up to the percussion section. there, a ninth-grader, big, tall, with gray hair already, looked down at me and asked what i would do if HE called me dirty jew. i said i would beat him up too. he laughed.

soon after that, i was assigned the tympani part in the arabian dance from the nutcracker suite. i'd always wanted that part and had never gotten it; the section leader always gave it to a guy (i was the only gal in the section). this time for reasons still unknown to me, he gave it to me. the usual tympanist was pissed off. while we were rehearsing, he loudly told an antisemitic joke. i turned around and kicked him in the knee. (see how naive i was? i didn't know where to kick!) the teacher stopped the band and sent us both to the principal's office.

the principal did not call us into his office. he came out to the counter, at which we stood, and for a time ignored the boy and spoke only to me. he said, "do you know what 'rabbi' means?" well, of course i knew what a rabbi was, but he was asking what the word meant, literally, and i didn't know that. i told him as much. "it means 'teacher,'" he said. "you're going to meet a lot of stupid, ignorant people in your life. you can't beat them all up. you have to become a teacher." THEN he looked pointedly at the boy. "get it?" the boy nodded. we were sent back to class. i wasn't bothered by other students anymore. (i wish i could say as much about the math teacher but as far as i know, he kept saying nasty, antisemitic things about me in class whenever i went off to band sectional, which probably had not affected anyone IN the band since they'd have been in band sectional too when he said those things -- but he wasn't alone in his sentiments and bigotry, and i am sure he affected many students.)

i think the principal was telling me, among other things, to pick my battles.

some windmills are more important than others.

g

0

If it comes up, I am honest. Not from the south though I live there now, most people I know and the majority of my family are theists of one brand or another. None have been opposed, my face anyway, although I'm sure some are. Luckily we live in the USA where there isn't any supreme punishments for not following the preferred faith so I have no issues being open about it. Even my military records state atheist. Even during the most recent holidays a particular group of family leads off the festivities with a circle hand holding prayer. No one said anything against my patient waiting outside the circle. I understand some people have it much worse though and hopefully someday that will no longer be the case.

0

I'm out in the open about my atheist view.

As a rule, I do not get into arguments to the contrary and i have no time for people concerned about my soul.

Having said that, i neither announce it nor renounce it, but when it comes up in conversation, I am honest about who i am.

0

I agree with you on never attacking the other person's religion. No matter how ridiculous their beliefs might be to us, it's their right to believe as they wish that we must respect, if we expect to be treated in a like manner.

Deb57 Level 8 Dec 5, 2018
0

What's my Atheist Persona? I think there needs to be definitions of several from which we can self-select. My definitions are biased toward my personal opinions. These are just hypothetical definitions that I came up with, with little more than five minutes of thought, so don't take it too seriously.

For example:
ATHEVANGELIST - someone dedicated towards the acceptance of atheists in society at large, someone who demonstrates that we're not only "good people", we're pretty much the same as everyone else.
DAWKINSITE - one who is characterized less by a 'live and let live' approach to religion and atheism, but one who actively and through words and tone, violently campaigns against religion.
NYEISM - Tamer, than a Dawkinsite, a Nyist seeks to spread information and change minds through more level-headed discussion than the explosive nature than can be seen at times of Richard Dawkins
CARLINITE - A Carlinite takes the George Carlin approach to religion-just making a mockery of it. There's no serious scholarly intent in their discussions, which is fine for their purposes

I think of myself as both an athevangelist and a Nyist. Spreading goodness and positivity and seeking to promote understanding between religious people and atheists. I personally don't believe what you say but if you do, and it makes you happy, go right ahead.

0

Crib notes here?

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:215444
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.