This is a long post, sorry.
I grew up with a physically and mentally abusive father. My mom tried going to the church for help, but they told her to stay with him and pray. She and I tried praying to god for help, but no answered. So, after a near-death confrontation with him, she took me and we left.
She tried going back to church during the divorce, but was discouraged by the other members judgmental attitudes. They scolded her for the divorce and encouraged her to give me to our more conservative family members. She refused.
So she stoped going to church. But she still encouraged me to go. Over time, as I began to actually study the bible, I began to question it all.
At first, I was scared to bring my questions to her. But she had the same questions too. Overtime, together, we gave up on religion.
Sorry for the rant.
The link below will take you to an article I wrote on domestic abuse.
Hey man, sorry you did it tough, I am so glad your mother finally left him and took you, as a kid I begged my mother to take us and not be there when he got home. In recent years I asked her why, her answer was that she took her marriage vows seriously. He has been dead for almost 21 years which suits me fine, and I felt ok putting her in a nursing home 14 months ago and I keep reminding her why I don't visit. I am a vengeful bastard. Religion can be used to excuse anything it seems, stops people from taking responsibility for their lives and actions.
I worked for a battered women's shelter when I was in college. Religious people with those attitudes towards domestic abuse should be shot. We also had a judge <1988> who would tell women in court that they should "Go home and listen to their husband". Save us all from people who don't get that violence isn't something to be tolerated. Ever.
Yes! my family were never religious but they were abusive; my mother was bi polar -mainly manic and couldn't touch or be touched unless it was hitting/fighting. My father was a pilot in the war and then in ground wireless communications he came home pretty much as a shell of a person having done his duty but lost everything else, he was abusive in other ways. When I was fifteen my mother picked a fight with me and for the first time I fought back the look on her face was joyful - like - "Yes I've got you now!" - I left home the day afterwards . I really do think that abusive families have you believing that its all your fault and that youre a bad person.
Yes, I had an extremely abusive brother...from my earliest memories until I was an adult and left home. It was regular and ongoing physical, mental, and emotional abuse, severe enough to traumatize me for years. My father died when I was a toddler, and my mother (a product of her generation) let it happen and made excuses for him (even after he beat her up) because she didn't want to cause trouble or let anyone know. Then, when I was 12, another relative began a 3-year-long episode of sexually abusing me. The one time I tried to get help from a church, I was dismissed as being too sensitive and exaggerating everything.
My father abused my mother, or so I'm told, I was only a toddler when they divorced. She moved on to my stepdad who also abused her....mentally and physically. When I was 7 they had the first of 4 more kids and as they got older MOST of the abuse stopped but he still was very mentally abusive. She was never allowed to go anywhere or have any friends. I was surprised he let her work but he did. When I was a teen I begged her to leave him, she wouldn't, so at 15, I left and married at 17 to, you guessed it, an abusive drunk and drug addict. Divorced at 18 and moved 1200 miles away from home. When I was 33 I married again and yep you guessed it, another abusive drunk drug addict son of a bitch. I had a son with him but when my son was about 3 or 4 he threatened him and I left his a as and never looked back. He is with a woman now that is just as big of an abusive POS as he is so they make a great couple. Maybe one day they will just kill each other.
My stepdad died back in 2008 and he suffered, it was glorious karma kicking him in the nuts! At least that's what I think. His kids posted poems and stories about how wonderful a father he was, they were to young to remember what I do. It made me sick. My mother finally gets to live her life though out from under his thumb. If there is a hell I can only hope he is burning in it.
Yep! At the age of twelve , I can remember listening to my mom screaming repeatedly because she was being choked by my dad. All I could do was keep thinking at any moment she was going to die and it was going to be my fault because I did nothing to help because I was afraid of my dad at the time. I stood there listening to my younger sister cry, watching my oldest sister pacing and I, of course was paralyzed and unable to do anything, but I can remember being deathly afraid. I could remember what the church told me to do one time and that was pray because god was always listening and he loved all his creations. Out of desperation because I just wanted the fighting to stop, that’s what I did. I put my full trust in god for all the years the fighting was going on and nothing seemed to work. My mom stayed with him instead. Fun childhood in remembrance of seeing black eyes, screaming and listening to verbal abusive words inflicted on my mom from my dad.
I was married to an alcoholic for years, a petty love-seeking child-man. It crushed my spirit because I didn't believe in divorce. Boy, have I heard the "stroke them in church and pray" stories. My church was kind and helpful, but it didn't change him. I left with my kids and my church actually helped me. Now I and my once-damaged kids are free of it all.
Those ppl in that church showed no morals, compassion or empathy. All they cared about was that ignorant rule of "obey ur husband". Yet, at the same time interfering in other ppls personal matters so deeply that they would take a child away from his mother for doing nothing more than protecting him & saving his life. They'd rather see you & your mother dead, than go against their religion. Can't get more radical than that. And they point fingers at Islamic customs, when they're no better. Praying never solves anything. Neither does religion. Your mother did the right thing by getting u both out of that marriage & out of that church. Like you, I grew up in an abusive atmosphere. Mental, physical & sexual too. The churches nor their ppl ever did a damn thing but look down their noses at me. Even today, most of them still do. All because I refuse to suck their ass & worship their god. Yet, Im the more compassionate, loving, open minded person with morals. I feel comfortable in my skin. And so should you.
I have not gone to the site mentioned, but wee are of the same experience. My Mother took us and we moved to Indian Reservations. The Public Health Service needed nurses to work with the Indians on their Reservations. If there is one thing that will change your outlook on society it is moving to a place where the culture is totally different than the one you are used to. There were many experiences that showed me the difference between the cultures and the religions. The personal abuse stopped and I was able to recover somewhat, the abuse of Indians did come to the fore and to this day I cannot fathom why the Government treats the Indians with such ill will. Of course they do call much into question.
Unfortunately we learn as a society by dealing with the chaos we present to ourselves. We can learn from history, but apparently it is far more fun and profitable to keep doing the bad shit over and over again. We are a society of crazies - we do the same thing over and over thinking we will get a different result. Surprise, surprise we do not. On a personal note it is hard as a child to do something that will make your life easier if you do not have the support and ability to see things differently. Staying in a relationship is hard, if it is dangerous and traumatic it is even harder. Why is it that we cannot just leave. It is because we do not know where we would go that would immediately fix our problems. A child who is being beaten by his parents might find it easier to put up with the pain than to go to some place he probably does not know exists. Even if it is just to a neighbor, eventually he will end up back with his parents and they now will have the knowledge that he may say something. The fact that I am referring to this person as a male may give a clue as to my experience as a child. Home is supposed to be a safe place, a place where you are cared for. When it is not another place almost always will seem even more foreign and unsupported.
Quite a bit of it....physical, emotional, financial, Power Struggles, "faith" . No single one was the worst of the worse, just a lot of straws on this camel's back. Parents, siblings, wives. Girlfriends have always been awesome tho!
Mom & Dad had a weak marriage and Weak Catholic faith.....Dad drank. Ended up owning a bar and that became his life. He just gave up/ us kids became misbehaved shits....No tight family values. I was picked on by 4 of 5 siblings (5th had it even her worse than me ..... from her Step Dad....my Dad)
Admittedly, I used to hit back...when I could or wasn't outnumbered. Physically or verbally. Last wife wailed on me a couple of times, I just took it. And got divorced. I'm done fighting these pitiful battles.. I really am. (I hope!)
Update for anybody reading this. Last year he was charged for sexually assaulting a child under 14. On March 28, 2018, he was found guilty and sentenced for 65 years. He turns 50 this year. This is a man he repeatedly took advantage of people and children. My only regret is that another child had to be hurt before he was finally caught. Thank you all fir your support.