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Is it possible to fall in love with someone with opposing political views?

Is it possible to fall in love with someone with opposing political views? I was asked this question today and found it rather difficult to answer and dependent upon the definition of 'love'.

By Grumpy5
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My mother was a Southern Baptist Republican and my dad was an athiest socialist and I never heard them even have cross words with one another until I was 18. I was so shocked when dad raised his voice a bit at mom I feared a divorce was imminent but that was the last of it (at least in the presence of us kids) until they got old and mom had to nag dad to basic tasks when he would forget. We had as happy a house as anyone I ever heard of. They had been married over 60 years when dad died. It is possible as this illustrates but I don't think I could have done it.

oosbray Level 4 Nov 23, 2018

I had a similar situation growing up.


As a democratic liberal atheist, there are certain viewpoints that, no matter what, I would never find attractive (pro-life, anti-lgbtqi+, etc.). I don't mind listening to or befriending someone with those viewpoints, but I just would not be able to see them in a positive light in terms of dating.

Wenepai Level 6 Nov 22, 2018

This is an excellent summary of my viewpoints as well.


Right now I'd be more likely to date someone who identifies as religious than Republican.


As a woman, no. If they think it is right that the government have any say over my bodily autonomy, then I will never respect enough to love. If they think that a persons job defines who they are, or their level of money, or their orientation, basically if they think something superficial has any bearing on another persons worth, I could never respect them enough to love them. If they want to cry 'personal responsibility' while not holding corporations responsible for their behavior, I could never respect enough to love. Nutshell, no.


It's possible to be romantically attracted to anyone with whom you have that base-level chemistry. But once that starts to fizzle and reality settles in, I think that for the most part, you have to be bound by similar values and ethics—morals, if you will. Political affiliation used to not be so closely aligned with core values. In fact, there was a time when the only difference between Republicans and Democrats was that the former were more fiscally conservative—it was just business. Times have indeed changed.

I suppose it's possible to spend a life with someone, as long as you were in a highly traditional, gender-roled marriage in which the little missus kept her mouth shut about such things and voted the way her husband voted, regardless of how she felt about it. But for couples who marry because they love each other ...?

I don't see how it would be possible for me to love someone who chortled and thumbs-upped after a seven-year-old Guatemalan child died in U.S. custody. Or who championed illegal, destructive, racist behavior by the leaders of our land.

I've always felt for a couple to last, they must have a similar value base. It will affect every part of their lives.

Margaret Sanger married a baptist businessman he just adored her and paid for her plane tickets building up PLANNED PARENTHOOD INTERNATIONAL....she belonged to American Atheists the day she died and she drank champagne in her deathbed when Bill Baird won of his cases


No way. Political views are a proxy for empathy, and I couldn't abide someone without empathy.

Orbit Level 7 Dec 11, 2018

I love a good debate and would rather be with someone who knows their own mind regardless if I agreed or not


No. You will wake up one day look over and ask yourself, "What the fuck was I thinking!"


I think it's possible for me as long as the person is kind and compassionate. I have a very divided family politically and nastiness can come from both sides really, but so can kindness, humility, and compassion. I've dated on both sides of the isle. But there does need to be a level of compatibility for small differences to work.

Margaret Sanger American Atheist when she died married decades before rich baptist businessman who adored her every move PLANNED PARENTHOOD INTERNATIONAL


Yes, but it depends how verbal they are about it.
There is someone I won't ever take seriously because they're batshit crazy with their ideas. "Commie this, commie that" , socialism this, socialism that." So they're friendzone.

Late dh in his one issue youthful voter cluelessness voted for GW in '00. I cried.
"it's just an election" he said.
Boy did he regret it every time W opened his mouth.

Qualia Level 8 Nov 22, 2018

I would consider it unthinkable to be with someone who supports Trump and all his conman ways, so my answer would probably be no. I couldn’t deal with the ignorance

Melind Level 6 Jan 20, 2019

TrumpOLINI deserves all our scorn HE IS A tiny fingered tiny penis tangerine Shitgibbon but our nation is under attack by billionaires and illegal aliens ....I am just one of thousands of victims of illegal aliens crimes destroying my truck and home....who will fall in love with a homeless American Atheists leader with 2 service cats in the dead of winter in Iowa where I was born ? The illegal aliens have my home job and police protection ruled by RethuglicanRepublocrats HORRY and CHARLESTON COUNTIES building tourist high rise condos busting unions paying half union wages....

@GreenAtheist I gather you don't like the Narcissus in Chief, the man with no plan except to back those billionaires with a tax cut that only benefits them.


Not for me. I am committed to social justice, equality, and end to misogyny, racism, homophobia, inter alia. Anyone who does not share those values simply will not register for me.

Skeptic66 Level 7 Dec 29, 2018

Well put ... we have our neebs but sometimes there is a greater calling


As long as they're not a trump supporter.

I've tried to avoid any reference to politics in Trumpland. Here in Northern Ireland we have our own political madness.

That's for sure! I was there this summer and northern Ireland is fucked up. Interesting history and sites, but talk about government control and propaganda.

I’d have a lot more trouble putting up with a Obama/Hillary supporter than a Trump supporter.

@Trajan61 , That's strange coming from from someone who lives in a town called Clinton.

@chucklesIII Despite the name it’s a very conservative town and Trump carried it handily.


Yes it is, but you are building an inherently problematic aspect into the relationship. Kind of like dating someone who doesn’t want kids when you do. You can be in love, but there is a built in conflict

Myah Level 6 Dec 1, 2018

Most Atheists are in mixed marriages and this is proof love conquers political/theocratic challenges. ...our species is NURTURANT we're hardwired to love and booths are not bedrooms nor maternity wards


Why not? Alas if we only loved people who are similar to us...

tsallinia Level 5 Nov 23, 2018

I could not date a conservative at all, probably not even a middle of the road person politically unless politics was not very important to them.


Well, I did, but his binge drinking has taken care of that !


For me I'm pretty sure the answer is NO. I consider political views to be a deal maker or breaker.

Some of my best friends are Republicans (not really - while it isn't a friendship deal breaker it does make it much harder. ) but I sure as hell wouldn't be able to marry one.

marmot84 Level 7 Jan 1, 2019

I'm sure I could never do it. Love has to include similar value systems.

Lorajay Level 7 Dec 26, 2018

The closer to the cutting edge of history we get POLITICS MAKES STRANGE BEDFELLOWS...this shutdown may yield Medicare4ALL if Pelosi can give up her bribes from insurance CEOs...she just lost her free ride to NATO hq in Belgium playing bluff with billionaire TrumpOLINI.....yes kids are dying on the border AND ALL 45 PRESIDENTS are racists to us Cherokee....Hoover Vice President was for decades called "injun" in Congress his DADDY British and mama KAW TRIBE....HOOVER & MRS HOOVER played Quaker missionaries while stealing gold by the boatloads for BRITISH....people sleep for money where the money is


No. I want a man who shares my values.

Carville & Matlin have 2 children and she talks down to him like an errant little boy. ...politics makes strange bedfellows. ...spies sleep with the enemy.'s a political skill....Cokie&Steve Roberts Huey Long Catholic and Jewish reporter lead parallel xmas&hannukka lives. ...we all get what we want from who agrees to love


In true love, such little differences doesn't even bother, rather you enjoy all the bantering of the differences.


Yeah, what's the definition of "love"? I think most people fall in "lust" first because how could you possibly "love" someone until you really get to know them? the verbiage "fall in love" indicates(to me anyway) a reaction that occurs very early on when two people get together. So, I think two people who fall in "lust" with each other will put up with(ignore actually) political differences for a while, until their lust is sated. but eventually, one, the other, or both will be confronted with a wtf moment and have to make a decision. In today's political climate in America, the schism between conservatives and liberals being so great, I think MOST politically divided couples will fail.

Well said!


Not for me. We need to have the same values.


As time goes on, and the country becomes more and more polarized, such a match seems less and less likely !

evergreen Level 8 Nov 22, 2018

Sure it is. Whether you stay in love with that person or not is probably dependent upon whether or not you can have rational discussions on the topic.


If their view of the world and everything in it is based on God, no I couldn't live with thst.

@Katsarecool My husband was a Christian who became a Republican about 1990. Politics was something we learned not to discuss and I loved him and stayed married to him until he died.

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