Agnostic.com

43 7

Standards

I had an interesting conversation today and it made me curious.

Mostly directed at male identifying people but anyone can answer

Those of you over 30, do you notice you are pickier about people you will hook up with?

If a women says I want to have sex now but she isn't attractive are you still going to have sex with her?

#sex
Holyhellkel 6 Feb 12
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

43 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

0

No. I have too much respect for women. I have to be attracted to or develop an attraction in order to have sex with someone.

Gohan Level 7 Feb 12, 2018
17

Nope. Always been "picky". Not about looks, money, prestige. About intelligence, personality, values. Sorry, not sorry. I like having "high standards."

5

never happened to me. would be fun finding out !

4

I am 79. Probably this thread is not relevant to my life šŸ™‚

4

I am very picky about who I will spend my time with these days, whether or not sex is involved. Life is full of obligations and demands on my time. I am quick to write off anyone that demands too much without giving back... life really is just too short.

4

But I am glad I'm picky. Men have to be attractive, but not ridiculously so.

4

Tough question. My mind changed after having a kid. It's easy to see sex for what it is when the mystery is gone. I've passed on opportunities with the wrong people and surprised myself with others I wouldn't have considered. It has less to do with physical attraction these days and more to do with how relationships play out.

3

Dang! So I am probably going to sound old fashioned, but I am not the typical guy I suppose. I am pickier about women. I am more interested in my ability to talk to her than what she looks like. Although I won't say that looks don't mean anything to me. Having said that, I am not quick to jump in bed with someone. First meet, I would be inclined to say no regardless of how she looks. Of course, I have not been put in that situation yet. So maybe that has a lot to do with it. I don't necessarily feel comfortable with a women who wants sex before anything else. If that makes sense.

3

I was picky then and Iā€™m picky now.

3

I've never had sex with someone I wasn't attracted to.

3

Hasn't happened to me...but if it did, it would go beyond any physical attraction. It would certainly never happen without knowing the woman first; her personality, her ambitions, her values. For me, sex is a mutual sharing, an exposing of one's most intimate, personal self, and not just knockin' boots in a rented hotel room. A person's beauty is on the inside, not the outside, and as they grow older [and 'lose their looks'] that becomes a lot more evident. There are a lot of beautiful people I would never even remotely consider having sex with, and a lot of beautiful souls whom I would...

3

When I was younger, I was not too picky. I did too much of my thinking with the little head rather than my brain. Sex was the only think the little head thought about. Now, I am older and hopefully wiser, I want more than sex. I would rather be with someone that can hold an intelligent and stimulating conversation with me. She has to be smart, and be able to think for herself. Some years ago I turned away from a gorgeous woman, and turned down an offer to have sex with her after I got to know her. I dated her for a while and I did not want to jump in bed with her right away. I just lost interest in her due to her character. No one was more surprised than me when it happened.

3

I suppose it would depend on how I feel at the time. I found that as I've gotten older I have gotten pickier. Also if a random person came up to me asking to have sex I would question what their real motivation was as that might seem to be to good to be true.

OK, a random person coming up and asking for sex? Never happens with people in their right mind. Crazy in lust because you are so gorgeous? That's more likely.

@Spinliesel
People in their right mind no. Between 2am and 4am at the gay bar yes.

@Chris_aka_C2 Good to know. Thanks, Chris!

3

Its been a few years for me, but she should be at least a little attractive.

2

The important information here is defining our term "attractive". Are we using conventional advertising airbrushed attractive? Or having discernable personality traits attractive? You see where I am going with this. The interesting discussion for me is the concept of hookups. If it is only about getting sexual satisfaction for the moment in the moment then attractive equals what I call sexy, available, willing and clean (so to speak) or clean enough anyway. I am not in the hookup stage of life any longer something I am enormously comfortable with. I am less willing to express sexual attraction unless it feels connected to other feelings of attraction. That takes time and shared experiences.

Interesting! It is personal. It is mostly 2 things. Aesthetics and Intelligence. In close quarters my sense of smell takes over. But brains are super sexy.

The greater part of a person's beauty cannot be perceived by the eyes alone. Realization of this, would in proper, natural order, occur in our youth. Because 'culture' intervenes, especially Patriarchal, sex negative culture, it takes many years to overcome damage. Decades as a professional model, surrounded by allegedly 'beautiful women' helped with the revelation. I could sit for lunch, after shows, with women who were all pleasing to the eye. Conversations, over time, revealed who among them were truly beautiful. The same principle applies at large to all people.

2

I'm way pickier than I was when younger. I wasn't raised to take any agency for myself, so when younger I tended to go out with whoever asked me to go out. Now I want to know more about people up front, and I have much higher standards - for instance, I will not go out with a believer or a Trump supporter. We're just not compatible.

2

The older I get the more I find people attractive because of who they are, not what they look like. Even if the most attractive man or woman told me they wanted to have sex, if I didn't like that person I'd turn them down.

2

I am pickier. I've been on the market a long time and I've had to deal with a lot of shit so I deserve to be picky. I don't date much anymore but that's because I really don't like what's out there and I have a more than healthy disdain for the dating community at any rate. The only difference between now and when I was younger was when I was younger I had no options and no dates. Now I have plenty of options but I don't exactly like the options that have presented themselves. In the end dating as a means of distraction or whatever is pretty fucking dumb

2

For some odd reason I have found that I'm less picky about who I would date. But that's just been my experience. I don't doubt what you're saying is true. Some people probably do get more picky.

2

I guess I am beyond that point. Now, I wish that I had not turned down those invitations.

2

In 47 years of life I've never had a woman come up to me and say that so I can't test your hypothesis. It'd be cool if it happend though!

1

Yes, I'm pickier. I'm not sure when that happened, but since 30 anyway. And no, I wouldn't have sex with an unattractive woman.

1

Sex is all about attraction. I think that one grows more selective with age. This is actually a counter intuitive conclusion and it may be a projection. I know that this is the case with me.

I would gently turn it down.

1

I have to be attracted to someone. sex is a great experience and I don't get all the stigma about it. if it feels good and you aren't hurting anyone then do it I think.

1

Physical appearance is a non issue for me, though I certainly decline for other reasons, but then I always have even when well under 30.

1

Personally I have always been highly selective and have never been able to lower my standards. It's been a running joke with all of my friends, so of which are the atypical "dog" types that will hook up with anything with a pulse. I'd rather go without than to hook up with someone I personally find unattractive (physically and mentally). I don't find myself becoming more picky as I get older but my tolerance level for annoying people has definitely shot through the roof! With age I have zero patience for the "game" of hooking up, or the effort involved with the 2am booty call.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:23609
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.