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I'm currently struggling with some stuff and someone made the comment that "if I had a husband,I wouldn't have to worry about those things" (ugh) . In my experience whenever a man's involved himself in my life things go worse than they do when I'm taking care of business myself.I swear I'm not over here trying to start a man haters club. Men are cool and I'm currently trying to raise two decent ones. I'm wondering if it's just me that feels like men make life more difficult for women,as a rule. What are your experiences ladies?

OpposingOpposum 9 Feb 16

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1

Been married for 27 years. Just saw a program on the tv about the differences between men and women communicate. They have two completely different means. Men basically want to fix things, women want to talk about them discuss, listen and then come to a decision. I hope I have this right. Kate and I finally saw what each other wants to have happen. When she comments, she wants to talk and have a conversation, be listened to and made to feel important, she is. Trying to fix everything is not a good idea as it takes all the conversation, listening, personal time out of the equation. There is much more to discuss here, I hope this will make a good start. I feel like I am genetically a failure at this, I would like to get a clue. Please help.

1

MEN RULE OK, God says so. πŸ˜›

looks around for things to throw at you

I think that is the crux of the problem. Actually God says nothing unless you are hallucinating and think it is God. God does not exist!

2

If we let them. It's this outdated thinking that we need a man........
Trust yourself...

Khmm Level 5 Feb 17, 2018

Oh I do. Probably too much. πŸ˜‰

Me too.....but happy.

My mother, who has passed used to say, "A woman needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." I, being male, took this to mean that to be noteworthy for a woman one had to at least be willing to listen and appreciate he as a human being. I understand that most men do not do that, I am sorry for them.

1

Women of my generation were not taught how to do a lot of things. Many of them I learned how to do on my own but now I lack the upper body strength due to age and a damaged shoulder.

Frankly, I am paying people to do things that even a man in his 50's could do easily.

1

Why I truly hate to admit it , you're right . I'd like to have some male friends , but it's been decades since I've even attempted anything beyond that . My neighbor , a true friend , says I'm jaded . I responded that I'm a realist . A part of the problem is , that boys and girls are raised with different expectations . Girls are raised to expect Prince Charming , marriage , children , and the responsibilities , and the majority also expect to have a career or at least a job . Boys are raised to expect football , baseball , hockey , soccer , hunting , a job or career , and hookups . Look at the bios on this site . Although each is different , most male bios include , sex in interests , and most include looking for hookups . Females would like some caring , some romance , some love , some help with the responsibilities . That is not being offered .

This is the problem in a nutshell. I was raised by my Mother, a great woman who told us, my brother and myself, that this scenario would just get you grief. It would also keep you from the great experiences of life. If one wants to live life then they are going to have to pay attention to others, find those with whom you agree and learn to live with the rest. Each person has something to teach and learn from you, this only works if one develops their being as they go forward. Being open to another is the only way to learn from them, listening is the only way to get out of yourself and find what is good for you. Do not assume you know anything, listen and use the reason and logic taught you. Hope I am making sense.

2

In my experience it's expectations that mess things up. My ex thought I should do all the housework even though I was working full time and carrying fulltime credits in college....just because I was the female and he liked traditional gender roles.

Yes there is definitely that.

2

Speaking as a partner in a failed relationship, not a man - I think it is very dependent on both and how well they are able to work together. It isn't really a male/female thing although it might appear as that when seen from the perspective of one sex.

That's entirely fair.

1

I suck at a few β€œguy things” like cars, etc. thankfully I have 2 girlfriends that loan me their husbands from time to time!!!

1

Life is complicated . Men are complicated. Women are complicated. It doesn’t take a man in your life to screw things up. Problems crop up on their own all the time. Some men can help, some men can’t. And vice versa.

Thanks for clearing that up!

My pleasure. @Blindbird

3

I was married 22 years, 2 sons now grown, divorced going on 12 years. I have been in three relationships and dated a lot too. I love men but i am very independent. Probably won't marry again. I just broke up with someone because I didn't want to live in his town in a big house to take care of and his afternoon drinking every day bothered me. I know i can't change anyone best to just move on.

it's the reverse situation for me, and it became time for me to move on. I felt real bad about it for months and I think I did the right thing.

Yeah. Also I'm really not into anyone trying to change me to suit themselves.

2

I think we make it difficult when we look at other people to save us. That goes for men and women. Of course in a relationship or a marriage we're they're to support each other, but that'a different. I'm still trying to figure this out: don't want to become too dependent on someone, at the same time don't feel I have to do everything alone.

Looking for someone to save you is one thing. Having to actively fight someone to move forward is another.

2

I agree. Even when my relationships were the greatest, it's still harder to do anything with men, and I always breathed a sigh of relief when they were gone. I always felt like I had three kids.

Yes. I definitely know what you mean.

5

I am a man and I feel the same way about the women that I have been involved with in the past. So I understand why you feel that way, but it is not all men, it is just the ones that you have been involved with. I know some really great women, but unfortunately they are taken. I am sure that you know some great guys that are taken. I have made some bad choices and I do not trust myself to make any new choices. I seem to be attracted to crazy.

I have forced myself to remain single for a while because I have a habit of choosing recovering people who want me to keep them sober/straight. Then they fail and I become their mother/cop/nag

Tired of trying to fix the unfixable

3

I am a man and I have the same attitude about women. I love women and enjoy spending time with them when I have the opportunity to do so which isn't very often.

Yeah,perhaps it's just the distraction of romantic entanglement that creates that effect.

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