26 10

Religious fanatic-lunatic poisoning my life. What do I do?

My husband, educated intelligent, as I thought, engineer became a religious fanatic. Since then he would expect me and my son follow his rules and demanded me to submit to him. Wait? What? I was hoping he will get over it but never happened. Things was only get worse. As I was with the little child on my hands, he quit his job, for his boss was a lesbian lady and she asked him to work couple of Saturdays. He can not make Good mad by working on Sabbath. Why should I spend 8 years in those relationship? I'm an immigrant, I moved to the States all by myself when I was young and brave, I'm still is. He and my son was my only family abroad and I truly believed, such an intelligent person would not take in that serious. At the and of our relationship, he told me I'll be a bad mother for our son, for I don't care about his spiritual life and his eternal life. Yes, I was never a religious and he knew it! He was not religious himself. I work hard, I do dedicate myself to things I do. Seeing moods of my ex I begun to work more to save big money and separate. He quit his engineering job and moved to the wilderness to pray and study medical missionary classes. He took my son with him for a month and a half. After that month and a half I picked my son from the airport to fly to Russia and visit my family. He looked like a poor child. With warts, oily hair, durty clothes and very skinny. His father said that all this text he was on natural remedies and diet. Crap! He is a 7years old child, he doesn't need your lunatic ways. I took my son and we went to Russia. Now my son looks healthy and well. But for over 4 months we can not go back to Seattle. As I told to my ex the child won't be returning to him, for I don't want him indoctrinated with religious absurd and being treated like an experiment for natural remedies.He got mad and begun to threatened me with legal actions. He said he is the better parent for he will reveal the love of Jesus to our boy. He withdrew money from the bank account, for he is not working. I missed my naturalization interview, I got sick being constantly nervous, I'm getting closer to loose my green card, bit I'm still with my son and have no clue what to do next. Stay away from religious fanatics. They might affect your entire life, just as it happened to me. I don't know what should I do now. Please help me.

By Zzoha
Options Favorite Like

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence, and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy

Create your free account

26 comments

8

Members I'm just going to put this out there. This could be a real person and great if it is - give them all the information that could help.

However this also has all the earmarks of being a scam for money. (Trapped in another country - abusive husband - child involved in harms way). We all want to help.

If you are suddenly getting PMs asking for money? Please report.

Send all the information you can - that will help if this is a real person. But there are organizations to help with this. And apparently she has an internet connection and could look that up.

Also this person is already in trouble with the law - because she doesn't have the right to keep the child from the other parent without filing paperwork - which is what is stated here.

Again great information sources. You're good people. Don't change.

RavenCT Level 9 Dec 28, 2018
Reply

Yeah im thinking scam

That crossed my mind also. If not, I wish her well.

Let's see... on the very day you join the site, you post an exhaustive, dramatic story which just skirts around outright asking for dough. Suspicious? Naaaaw.

at first i was interested and then... it looked scammier and scammier. notice that she has not once responded to anyone's comment. if this was real, don't you think she'd at least have said thank you to those trying to help and maybe something indignant or worse to us? no. she is looking to see who is buying this and deciding whom to hit privately.

i also can't help noticing that some sympathetic responses are coming from people who obviously have not read the whole post (telling her to run, when she has in fact already -- she claims -- gone back to russia). they will make nice targets.

g

8

Run. Far and fast. Take your son. Don't look back. You will survive.

Katnap Level 4 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
8

You shouldn't have gone to Russia but to move away and started your Citizenship papers after the divorce. You do not need to be married to a citizen if you have more than five years holding a Green Card. TALK TO A LAWYER...NOW......

DUCHESSA Level 7 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
6

Your husband is severely mentally ill.
Divorce him, keep your child, and stay in your country of origin.
Don't give in to him.

KKGator Level 9 Dec 28, 2018
Reply

Not that easy! See my comment above.

@germangirl90439 I never said it would be easy. Doesn't mean it's not what needs to be done.

6

My goodness you've been through a lot. I just want to tell you that you are a very strong person. You have gotten away from him, and you have your son who is now healthy, so you have already done a lot.

As far as what to do next, I think you have to ask yourself what do you want to see happen? How do you want your life to be like now? If it's divorce and getting full custody for your son, then I imagine you will have to go through a Washington state lawyer. It wouldn't hurt to contact a few lawyers and just talk over the phone to see what your options are. When you are talking to a lawyer ask them if they can help you to connect with an immigration advocate. Someone who would work for you and your son's benefit. Or, Google - Washington state immigration organizations. There are quite a few organizations that can help with immigration issues, or could at least connect you to someone that could help with your situation.

linxminx Level 6 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
5

He's nuts! Keep yourself and your child safe even if you have to abandon the naturalization. He will be trying to mess that up for you anyway. He is using your child in a fight between you and him. Do not let that happen.

DenoPenno Level 8 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
5

I am so terribly sorry to hear what you are going through. Your husband sounds exactly like my sister, and the damage her religiosity has caused is likely irreparable. Though it has caused me chronic stress and profoundly impacted my life, I see that your situation is much more difficult. I very much hope you are able to separate with as little strife as possible.

palex Level 4 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
4

I'm so sorry to hear about your hardship. He sounds hyper-religious. Did he have a sudden religious conversion? If so, it's possible that he has a mental/neurological disorder. "Hyperreligiosity is a major feature of mania, obsessive-compulsive disorder, schizophrenia, temporal-lobe epilepsy, and related disorders." [ncbi.nlm.nih.gov]

This happened to my late husband. He wasn't religious at all when we married. He was agnostic. Later in our marriage, he developed a neurological disorder and became obsessed with the bible and conservative Christianity. It began with a "sudden religious conversion" which is a medical term ([pdfs.semanticscholar.org] ). Then he started demanding that I submit to and obey him.

I would advise documenting (and dating) everything, especially concerning the treatment of your child. Like others have mentioned here, you should talk to a lawyer. According to this legal website, there is nothing in the law saying that, once you are divorced or your marriage is annulled, your efforts to get a green card are automatically over. [alllaw.com]

*hug*

VictoriaNotes Level 8 Dec 28, 2018
Reply

Yes keep a diary and write down all your recollections from day one of first contact with the mentally unstable husband....this marriage CAN BE ANNULLED in many states due to betrayal of original marriage conditions

sounds very realistic advice

4

When I got married my wife was a Methodist. Kind of a middle of the road thing. I was non religious and she knew it, but married me anyway. Later on she turned into a Jehovahs Witness. No warning , just woke up and then she was transformed.
It went downhill from there. Now we are no longer married.

Remowill Level 6 Dec 28, 2018
Reply

This happened because a wise-assed pastor or otherwise religious person told her of oxen and cattle and being "un-equally yoked." They take this very seriously and convinced her to divorce you if you would not convert. I call it "un-equally joked."

4

Sounds very Seventh Day Adventist! I grew up raised a Jehovah's Witness, a distant cousin to them.

Run away from him and stay away. He is mind controlled. I wish you the best of luck.

JK

JK666 Level 7 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
4

I know little about the US legal syatem but if you can get legal aid take your husband to court for custody if your son, then instigate divorce proceedings. I'm sure you will have a strong case due to his unreasonable behaviour. Good luck,

Moravian Level 5 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
3

Получить развод. Я не посылаю вам деньги.

PalacinkyPDX Level 8 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
3

You have a very tough decision to make that only you can answer.

Heydiddle Level 3 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
3

Be sure to talk to a lawyer who is an expert in the Hague Convention on the Civil Aspects of International Child Abduction. This should be your very first step! Keeping your son in Russia could have some very serious consequences for you. You might want to read through this so you get a little bit of an understanding: [en.wikipedia.org]

I am sorry you are in this situation, but be sure to take care of this before anything else!

germangirl90439 Level 8 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
3

You need to talk to a lawyer. Or maybe more than one lawyer. So sorry for your troubles.

Meili Level 6 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
3

I'm sorry. You need to speak with someone with expertise in the area.

Stephanie99 Level 7 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
2

That is one fucked-up situation! I'm not an expert on the US legal system, but I'm pretty sure your son's situation should pass as a clear case of physical neglect and psychological abuse in US courts. Sue your ex's ass in an American court!

Darius77 Level 6 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
1

I think some mentioned contacting Legal Aid in your area. That's a good first step, especially if you're not in the states right now. Or contact some attorneys in that area because many do free consultations over the phone.

Another I would suggest is to look for a community mental health center to see if you can get some counseling for yourself. It sounds like you're dealing with a lot, and it could be helpful to talk to someone who may also have additional resources.

Also, do you what religion (more like cult) he's joined? I would read up a little on that so you can maybe keep ahead of his behavior a bit. Also, keep any evidence of his behaviors- text messages, pictures of your son looking thin and dirty, any kind of documentation to show it's become unsafe and unhealthy for you and your son.

BelieveItNot Level 3 Dec 28, 2018
Reply

Do NOT REQUEST COUNSELING, almost all so called counselors are religious and enable zealotry. ...our Russian mom&son needs an immediate filing for divorce and a protective order keeping this idiot away from his son who was abused and neglected during a kidnapping ....quitting his job is proof of incompetence to be a parent and he should be restricted to SUPERVISED visitation. ...she must also get an immigration lawyer to protect her rights she is a good faith citizenship candidate AND HER SON is already a US CITIZEN

1

What kind of help are you asking for?

Deb57 Level 7 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
1

I'm sorry this happened. It isn't unheard-of.

In practice, as the saying goes, possession is 9/10ths of the law. I do not believe he can really do very much across international borders, other than bluster and threaten. If it's at all feasible for you to stay in Russia or even some other country, preferably at a location your husband won't know to seek you out, my impulse would be to do that. The problem is that even though the American divorce system favors you as the mother in terms of custody rights, you will still have the problem of shared custody and the discipline problems that go with it, of the husband trying to alienate your son's affection, convert him, neglect him or possibly abduct him in the name of his god. And your non-citizen status complicates that, especially in Trump's America.

If you need to return to America, get good legal advice; perhaps you can find an advocate or someone doing pro bono legal work to help figure out how best to proceed.

mordant Level 8 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
1

Sad events. You are best to avoid someone like that although it is difficult, I am sure.
Удачи Вам. Я надеюсь, что жизнь улучшится.

Skeptic66 Level 7 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
1

As many say, talk to a lawyer. Even if you subscribe to a monthly service (legalshield?) you can get inexpensive advice.

lawrencejamerson Level 3 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
1

So you are in Russia with family support I presume? Is that so bad?

I imagine you'll have many legal issues to figure out. And monetary ones.
Maybe divorce to begin with.

RavenCT Level 9 Dec 28, 2018
Reply
1

Sorry to hear that. I'll be frank with you. If he is as fanatical as you say, whatever else he may be, he's not intelligent. So its no loss. You missed your naturalization interview. Thats on you. So that may be the end of your life in the states. For better or for worse. Take it day by day. Ask yourself "what do i need to do today to be better off tomorrow". You don't have to have all the answers now. Just take it day by day.

DavidDCR Level 4 Dec 28, 2018
Reply

No, to miss a naturalization interview may not be the end of her stay in USA. People get sick, planes get detained....there are many reasons. Since she has her green card (permanent residence / renewable every 10 years) she is legal in USA. She needs to talk to a lawyer NOW.
Remember, to became a USA Nat. Citizen is a right not an obligation...is wise to become one but not an obligation.

0

Dear ZZoha.....I can appreciate your situation & I'm very sorry to hear about it. The way I see it, you have two choices: A). Separate yourself and your son from your husband completely NOW & make a clean break of it. B). Tell him that you & your son will go back to him, but ONLY if he agrees to treat you the same way he did before his religious conversion. Tell him he will be "on probation" for a period of, say, three to six months. He has one chance, and one chance only. If you don't like the way he is behaving, then LEAVE him & file for divorce! It is often the most recently converted religious fanatics who are the "worst," but perhaps he will mellow out over time. You need to decide if you still love your husband enough to give him another chance. But be very careful, religious fanatics have been known to do some insane things! Good luck to you!

Lucky57 Level 3 Jan 17, 2019
Reply
Write Comment

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence, and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy

Create your free account

Similar Posts

Share this post

Categories

Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content read full disclaimer
  • Agnostic.com is the largest non-profit community for atheists, agnostics, humanists, freethinkers, skeptics and others happy without religion!