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Are you fulfilled?

A question for singles in general or those in relationships, in the context of their relationship.
My life is ok, fine, quite good. 80% spot on.
Yet I have big gaps in it, I go from chore to chore, activity to activity without any great sense of enthusiasm most times. I really enjoy some things, some things make me feel great. Yet it is not the same as when I had a significant other, someone I would look forward to doing things with, share experiences, planning of events. Still prefer to be single than in a bad relationship. Am I doomed to my somewhat solitary existence? Or is there something I have missed in my planning?

Rugglesby 8 Mar 4

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21 comments

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8

Yes. Life is a cycle, a constant chasing. When one part ends, the next begins.. Though slightly predictable ..we can’t recognize what we’ve yet to experience. Loss is tangible, if only the passing to our next chapter in life.

‘Fulfillment’ may always feel elusive, because we’re constantly seeking it. It’s like we ‘don’t know what we’ve got till it’s gone’ and only recognize fulfillment after the fact. For the moment, I feel ‘full’ 🙂

Varn Level 8 Mar 4, 2018

Agreed

7

You have been unfairly influenced by the archetypes of "normal human behavior". Don't cling to the nesting/family standard if your life isn't on that track. It will make you feel like you must have something else and someone else when nothing is further from the truth. You don't need others to make you feel happy and you can have others without doing it the way the "norm archetypes" suggest. Gain some objectivity, work on other things, and let it all unfold. The universe will take care of you.

well said

yes, i rather love your perspective.

7

I love being single, but since there are things better done as a couple, such as ballroom dancing, or camping in remote areas, I am open to another relationship when I meet the right person.

@MrLizard If you can ballroom dance, women will fight over you at any dance, since there is usually a lack of men. My ex is a great dancer, so I used to get him to dance with ladies who'd been waiting in vain to be asked.

Giving foot rubs could also make you popular. My ex also used to massage my feet during breaks at dances, and women would actually start to form a queue, hoping he was also giving those out for everyone (he wasn't).

@MrLizard you absolutely should be.

@MrLizard I attended free ballroom classes with others from my singles class back when I attended a huge super church in Lexington, KY. Afterward, the entire class would go to a local bar with a large dance floor to practice our moves, and be asked to dance by people in the town. To fine tune my jitterbug dancing moves, I watched YouTube videos, but even before I knew very much, if I had a good dance partner leading me, I didn't have to know much..just follow his lead.

6

There are always positives and negatives to different lifestyles. In this case, single or in a relationship. I think the key is to not focus on what we don't have, a companion, but rather what we do have, more freedom. If we get in a relationship then don't focus on what we don't have, unrestricted freedom; but rather that we have companionship. The "grass is always greener on the other side of the fence" thinking will leave us in a constant state of discontentment. I could have expressed that better but hopefully I got my point across.

The grass is always greener where you dump fertilizer , water often , gets sufficient sunshine , and protective shade . Relationships are similar , in that you need to add care and ongoing interest , a happy environment , and protection .

@Cast1es That sounds exhausting🙂

@Rudy1962 If you don't care about your relationship , why should anyone else ?

@Cast1es what relationship?

@Rudy1962 The relationship you don't have , because you aren't interested in working for it , apparently .

yes, thank you, @Rudy1962, very succinct.

5

You seem like someone who is very active and positive(despite your love of grumpiness) is it wrong that knowing you feel that way as well makes me feel better? Anywho here's hoping you find what you're looking for.

Over my life I have met some apparently really grumpy unfriendly people, yet have been impressed by their honesty and kindness. So I chose a grumpy exterior. People seem to like it, especially little kids. Saturday afternoon son and I were walking to the beach, a little voice came up behind us, "excuse me", I looked behind and there was this tiny little person, he just smiled and said "Hullo". One of my preschool kids form last year. I also like to keep people in general at arms length, and choose who gets a bit closer.

@Rugglesby I don't disagree with anything you said there. 🙂

4

That post pretty well sums up MY life. I suppose I could expand my profile if I was actually or actively looking for a partner. At 65 much about my from a physical stand point is different than my dating years. Menopause has not been kind to this little otter.

Being in a bad relationship is not going to happen!! I enjoy my life for the most part and wake up in a good mood - now if summer would get here i'd be alot warmer.

4

I'm kind of in the same boat. It's just that feeling that something is missing. People say I should be happy because of X, Y and Z. But like you missing that one person feels like far heavier a weight than all the joy in the world.

It's a shame that one aspect of our lives will overshadow everything else, but for people that need a relationship, nothing else feels like it will do. I'm one of them too. It's difficult sometimes to explain the level of pain to people that don't need a relationship to thrive.

Honestly, I feel like its similar to explaining depression to someone without it. The worst and most heartbreaking and frustrating thing, at least according to my friends, is that it's not something they can change.

I just realize this is not that helpful of a post besides to say you're not alone in feeling this way.

4

Being in the moment is my goal. The less I ruminate about the past or the future the more "content" I am. So these days, for the most part, I'm OK. Being satisfied with the struggle is all I think I can ask for.

That said, I think the committed company of the right person makes life more vivid. I want to be known; and accepted and loved in spite of that knowledge. Having someone in my life that I can choose to trust completely, someone that regardless of what random bizarre thoughts I share with them the worst that would happen is they'd look look at me, say something like "damn, that's fucked up" and then take my hand and continue to walk down the path with me.

4

I feel exactly the same way this poster does. Even so, I know we cannot have everything.
An ideal situation for me would be that time machines are real and I had tons of money, therefore being able to go anywhere and do what I want.
What I am only vaguely aware of are the many things that seem to work for me every week. It's like I think of something and suddenly it is happening. Not that I have a magical power in any way, but maybe I'm learning how to think. I'm secretly learning what is important to me, and if you keep this in the back of your mind enough it might be seen soon as a reality.
Unfortunately this doesn't seem to apply to money.

4

I am content with the fact I will never be fully satisfied. It may be just as well for the world that this is not so.
It is difficult to be both an individual and to reach such contentment. We all are wired such that most of us wish to share our lives as you would wish as well.
One may endure a partner and still be quite solitary. I would say that, that is worse than actual solitude. For every freak there may be another that would seek them and wish their company. Earnestness in such endevors rarely aids the preferable outcome. You have not revealed a plan, so I may not comment on that.

4

I am most happy in my non-relationship state. I have my beloved Miss P as a companion, and a variety of good friends who provide human contact. I value my own space immensely and would not trade it for the world.

4

I'm the same as you with the 80% and that's what I concentrate on. I work and have as much fun as I can. Damn it mate, we both ain't young, get out and get a life, before it's too late.

getting out & getting a life for no other reason than it becoming too late eventually seems a bit sad. i would - & will - get out (a life i have already) because of a desire to be in the world.

3

At 79 it is very fullfilling to have my wife to share daily activities with and it is very nice to have my children call almost daily to see if all is ok. Then participating in the activities of the grandchildren is ery nice. I must say I am very fulfilled by all of them.

so lucky, and good luck to you.

2

Not enough info here to say, but one thing I'm sure of -- figure it out before you get into another relationship. A relationship only gives you more of what you already have (or less of what you already don't have).

2

Yes on the whole and I am 70 and have had a full life; so okay to take it a bit easier now. I am pretty sure someone will pop up for you at some time if that is what you are wanting, it might help to join something, where you have an interest and can meet people casually and dip a toe in the water and be able to take it out again. let it be known the idea of just having fun no strings attached and then you can take your time and still have a bit of fun.

2

NO!!!

JK666 Level 7 Mar 4, 2018
1

No... I am Funfilled instead. Works for me.

1

Only you can answer that.

1

fuck, no.

fulfillment isn't a condition; to me it is a moment of bliss, & another - oh, how fortunate! a bit like happiness: if i was always there, in it, right in the centre, i would have lost any ability for comparison, with unhappiness, not being fulfilled, boredom. i dread stagnation, wherever, even in bliss.

change is my motor, the force that keeps me going & loving. like life, always on the move. balancing.

1

I learned that I realy love my company, so I am never alone!

1

@Rugglesby I'm fairly fullfilled just missing someone to roll along with who's got a brain and a good sense of humour

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