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I'm trying to figure out my purpose. I am going through a rough breakup. My teen is angry at me, for the breakup and being too tired and too connected to my phone.
So I feel lost. What is the point of this journey? Does existence matter?

Sgreen328 3 Mar 5
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13 comments

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1

Hey, I have some good news for you.
It does get better.
You will survive the storm, better weather ahead.

2

Yes it matters. You matter. And you are not alone. Keep smiling 🙂

0

You will never find your purpose in another person. Your purpose can only be accomplishing something of value to yourself and others.

1

I have stood where you are (except that I had 5 children), and it is indeed confusing and painful! You must stay strong with your teen...ofcourse, your teen is angry, their very security is threatened, to their way of thinking! Your child, needs whatever little support that you have in you right now ...reassure your child that the two of you will come out of this 'change'...stronger and smarter (I know this is hard to believe, at this moment). And, make sure that your child knows that this breakup, is not his/her fault! Their pain and your's as well, is the result of the loss of their security and that other person, in their (your) life! This knowledge, is what I was short on, back then and i regret it the most ( I have heard my grown-up children's side, now). You must take one day at a time. This is a grieving period, for what is being lost...your security, hopes and dreams and sense of purpose! Everything must be reavaluated to fit this different scenario! Just make a plan for each day and stick to you as that will give you some control in your life, no matter how bad you feel. You will get thru this and you will be stronger and smarter, because moving out of this situation, will make you smarter. You must figure out new ways of being and coping as the old ones want work here! Get an idea in your mind, of what you want your life to be like, as soon as you can make that happen...and keep that always in the back of your mind, no matter what is happening in real time. You are not alone...if you put your troubles out here, someone will answer... My best to you!

0

Welcome to the club. Following my divorce, I too became the bad guy to my teenage daughter; in spite of the daily support I offered, I was "too critical", "too demanding," etc. It helps to remember, as others have pointed out, that this is most likely a temporary situation, and one that many teens must navigate to individuate from their parents.
In my case, I had to withdraw, and I did so, mostly by traveling. I sent her postcards with nonstressful, easy-going messages. I took my ranting-and-raving, and my lecturing, to forums like this one, since she wasn't listening anyway. For over a year, we barely spoke to one another. A couple of things happened. 1) Her problems did not all magically disappear and 2) A terrible disaster resulted in her valuing my support rather more than she had in the past.
Things are better now, and I hope for the day when we can be as close as we once were.

I have another post about finding purpose in life. It was hard, and still is, to replace home and family, job and career, once those pillars of identity no longer apply. For me, finding my way back to myself has been healing, and slow, and a process. Good friends help. Time off to reflect, and be alone, also helps. (I turned out to be addicted to the drama and pathos in my marriage.) And travel has been wonderful, giving me a changing perspective, a wider vision of possibilities, and a respite from the drudgery my life had become.

0

That is a tough one. You have no purpose but you create it as you grow and learn about yourself and who you are. IMHO

0

Ultimately existence only matters if it matters to you. People come and go, what you do and the impact you have on others echoes in eternity. If you think you matter, you do.

1

When my daughter was a teen her therapist told me "Part of her job is to hate you from time to time." I've never forgotten that and just knowing that made some of the rough patches easier. She and I are very close.....

But.....she (at 28 now) is the primary reason I contacted my own therapist last week.

For some of us, the struggles of "parenting" continue in one form or another for a very long time.

I'm now feeling like "I don't know who this person is and I cannot imagine who raised her or what's in her (father's) DNA, because these things were NEVER a part of the examples I provided."

You are not alone @sgreen328. There will be good times and bad times. I don't know the point of the journey.

All I know is that you can never give up on your teen.

"I don't know who this person is and I cannot imagine who raised her or what's in her (father's) DNA, because these things were NEVER a part of the examples I provided." I can relate so strongly to this statement with regards to my son.

@jlynn37 Believe it or not, that helps. I feel like the only parent in the world who is now actively avoiding the topic of my kid. My kid who I love more than life itself. I know I'm not, but it just feels that way. Thanks for sharing, @jlynn37.

0

Your existence always matters. Your kid(s) are always going to be pissed off at you about something, that's generally their nature. They're still trying to figure out life, too.
This is a temporary rough patch. You'll get past it. Hang in there. This too, shall pass.

0

You sound depressed. I found that some cognitive therapy worked for me. It's a real pain when it seems that everythign is going pear-shaped at once.

I remember as always being angry at soemthign when I was a teen. It was that "hey, I"m not all important and things aren't taken care of for me anymore" feeling.

velk Level 4 Mar 5, 2018
6

Sorry you're going through a rough patch - but try and remember - no matter how awful things are now , this is temporary. We all have our turn at it too - very few escape !

And you can bet, even though your teen may be angry with you - your existence certainly matters to him or her. Have faith in yourself , you're stronger than you might feel right now. You will get through this. You will be happy again. Be gentle with yourself , and honest with your kid, as to why things are happening the way they are. They might even be able to provide some support for you, if they know more about how you feel. Be sad together, but don't forget to hang on to your sense of humor ... Hang in !

1

The point is your choice. You decide where to go from here. Without knowing much about your situation; I can only tell you what I've done.

First I let myself grieve, I felt miserable and hopeless, and I withdrew from life for a while. After being, detached and depressed for as long as I could stand it. I started to put things back together, including relationships with my teens. Finally, I went on with the new normal. Now it's the same old thing.

JimG Level 8 Mar 5, 2018
4

My daughter is now 22-always angry about something. Its your life-you are the boss.

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