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Sex or Love

Which would you rather have if you could only have one

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By Mark9393
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43 comments

15

There is no such thing as "love", it's all in your mind and it's all a fantasy. Sex is real. I'd rather have what's real or what's fiction anyday.

Redcupcoffee Level 7 Mar 11, 2018
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Oh my. No such thing as love? That's the saddest thing I've heard in a long time.

@SeaGreen Maybe for you, I prefer living in the real world. I'm not waiting around to be swept off my feet in some fairytale movie that doesn't exist. Sort of like religion.

Ah, so you were talking about a specific kind of love. See, to me, love isn't about being swept off one's feet into fairytale land either. It's about being seen and accepted for who I am and doing the same for the other. It's about wanting the happiness of the other person and them wanting my happiness. It's about not placing conditions on it. It's not only about sex, either. There are so many kinds and ways to love.

Edited

Based on the nature of the question, sex -vs- love....I took it to mean romantic love, which no, does not last, it’s a fleeting feeling, where most of the time it ends in heartbreak, unrequited love and sadness, rarely ends in the fairytale. But yes, th love of a beautiful day, or a funny joke or a great glass of wine, sure love of life matters, just romantic not love of or with another person to me, does not matter or is needed. @SeaGreen

Love this comment, that is exactly how I came to think of things, as a teen had all these ideals, they just never eventuated. Even sex was a disappointment. Married someone I didn't love, had lots of less than decent sex, but home life was ok, I got ahead in my career, paid off my house, had 2 awesome kids. Then at 40, I fell in love. It is real. It is not guaranteed, and for me it didn't last long. I know it is all chemicals in the brain, but we can love our kids, love our pets. That is real. I don't know if romantic love can last long, it didn't for me. Certainly not long enough.

I feel sorry for you. I have loved before and so much seek it again.

@Redcupcoffee I hear what you're saying; now let me help you off with that. Just kidding / not really, and keeping my options open. Seriously though, if you don't look for something, you won't find it, right? I don't believe in fairy tales and I pretty much despise them, but I secretly have a little hope that I'll find someone who will love me. Meanwhile, let me help you off with that!

(Jesus, doesn't anyone have a sense of humor anymore?)

Edited

"There is no such thing as "love". . " I agree and would like add the following caveat.

Years ago our school had a Lakota (Native American) language teacher. He was an old man who was born and raised, and lived almost his entire life on the reservation. He was also ESL English as a Second Language as his primary language is Lakota. During the years he was at the school we became rather good friends and I helped him with his English graduate work (he became an eminent scholar for the Lakota language/culture) We spent months discussing his language and culture. One day I asked him what word was used to define "Love". His reply was very eye opening. it included roughly "Love, much like the word sacred" is not a word or concept that has a translation in the Lakota language. Love is a white man's word like sacred that is used by churches to assert authority. We have words for like, respect, good and respect but not love.

I've pointed this out before on this website and someone questioned the authority of my source because she found a youtube video of a white woman with a strong Eastern accent (Lakota is a Midwest language) that defined "Love" in Lakota (because she asked her husband) in order as: "like, is good", and a third Lakota term I did not recognize.

Edited

Love is a real feeling just like every other emotion but it's abstract and dynamic so pinning your hopes on a deep sense of infatuation, bonding or caring companionship isn't for everyone and appeals more to those who are ideological than the hard-core rationalist.

Edited
14

I really cannot get into the casual hook up scene. I need pretty deep caring for a person before being able to get physically intimate with them.

Zster Level 7 Mar 11, 2018
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Same here. I'm completely uninterested in hook-ups and can't imagine sex without feeling at least some love for that person.

14

Need 3rd option.

sassygirl3869 Level 9 Mar 11, 2018
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Sex with me - love with someone else? smile009.gif

very funny- lol

6

Would self pleasure be an option? Define sex. Perhaps as in "I did not have sex with that woman"

Shelton Level 8 Mar 12, 2018
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I thought the same thing!!

I almost posted, "Which definition of sex? Bill Clinton's?"

@MarvelAnn I could easily abstain if I used Bill's logic to get by!

6

Life is not that simple. Some people mistakes sex for love. Some think lust is love. Sexual attraction is often misunderstood for love. Life is never that simple. One can have the best sex without love. One can also love someone more than anything and not have sex with that person.

noworry28 Level 7 Mar 11, 2018
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Yeah i love my female best friend immensely but I sure as hell wouldnt wanna have sex with her lol xP

6

I honestly cannot even answer that. I’m assuming you mean for the rest of my life? I’m going to vote sex without love with the hope that there is at least friendship/fondness/affection.

I like to overthink things.

Marcie1974 Level 7 Mar 11, 2018
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I agree wholeheartedly.

@Marcie1974 I voted sex as well. Fortunately it's just a poll.

Although I greatly enjoy sex (really wish I had someone to share that experience) I'm not sure a bump and grind relationship void of mutual respect would be rewarding and yes, that is why I seldom have a partner.

5

When we are young we want to experience all we can, Sex is no exclusion, When we get older and have had sex many many times, it does come down to love.

EMC2 Level 7 Mar 11, 2018
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5

I can love without sex, easily. But it certainly wouldn't be my first choice.

MrLizard Level 8 Mar 11, 2018
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4

Real love would transendt sex, as it would include a physical and mental bound that reach beyond mere sexual pleasure.

mrcharlie65 Level 6 Mar 11, 2018
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4

we can always get sex but love is hard to come by

markdevenish Level 7 Mar 11, 2018
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4

John Mellencamp said it best: " I need a lover that won't drive me crazy ! "

I do.

evergreen Level 8 Mar 11, 2018
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4

Nope. I cannot vote on that one. I've tried both options and neither work for me. smile001.gif

Stacey48 Level 8 Mar 11, 2018
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3

I would take love without sex if you could poof away my libido.

buck1977 Level 7 Mar 11, 2018
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LOL. Darn libido would make that complicated

3

Of course I want both, preferably with the same person, with different people is option number 2.
Sex isn't really that hard to get, though good sex is not as common. But finding that bond with someone is proving impossible.

Rugglesby Level 8 Mar 11, 2018
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3

sigh ... I don't enjoy these types of dichotomous questions ... but if I had to choose? ... assuming we are talking about romantic pair-bonding love, then I would choose that over sex ... it would fucking suck and we'd have to work some issues out, but at the end of the day, I desire unconditional positive regard, support, and a best friend ... I can make myself have an orgasm all alone or with someone else (just sayin' ).

evestrat Level 8 Mar 11, 2018
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3

For me if there is no love or even deep caring there is no meaningful sex. Besides one can have sex without a partner but it is difficult to have one-sided love.

I saw a his and hers T-shirt. His said: "just because I will sleep with you doesn't mean I love you", and hers said: "just because I love you doesn't mean I will sleep with you".

JackPedigo Level 8 Mar 11, 2018
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2

Sex is great, but the body eventually fails to cooperate and then what?

MarvelAnn Level 7 Mar 15, 2018
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2

Sex with love or Love with Sex
yeah

Michael64 Level 6 Mar 12, 2018
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2

This can change depending on the last direction I turned the car smile003.gif. I miss all of it

Firelander Level 5 Mar 11, 2018
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2

I had to give this some thought.
I'm often glad that I'm single because of the issues I see couples fighting over but I have also come to realize that I am a bit lonely. Most of my lonliness would be allieviated with close friends and not necessarily a significant other.

Lucy_Fehr Level 7 Mar 11, 2018
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2

I've done the love without sex. That will never last for me...

jjhagen Level 6 Mar 11, 2018
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2

Without an enthusiastic partner they are both useless. You can have love without sex but that only means somebody else is getting the sex. It's pretty easy for sex without love to become sex with love.

nipoleon Level 5 Mar 11, 2018
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Completely agree

Or thinking youre in love but youre not truly as I think is more commonly the case.

1

Sex. I get all kinds of love from my friends, but I can't sleep with them, for various reasons. And I don't want to live my life without sex. But without romantic love? Maybe I'm jaded at the moment, but that sounds glorious.

Nottheonlyone Level 7 Mar 18, 2018
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1

Sex leads to love, women give sex for love men love women for sex

mrHasanYilmaz Level 2 Mar 12, 2018
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0

Love. And sex. But mostly to be loved.

Dave59 Level 4 Mar 28, 2018
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