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Monogamy

Do you desire monogamy? Is it something you search for? Is it a personal choice? Are there building blocks to monogamy or is it a building block to, say, polygamous relationships?

ashortbeauty 8 Mar 18

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46 comments

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2

This is root core question. To have a mate and be true gets down to the id, where fear comes into play of losing your companion (not jealousy). From a health standpoint single lover is by far the least risk of infections.

Interesting viewpoint

13

This is going to sound odd but I have no desire for monogamy nor polyamory. I am open to both. I've been in both kinds of relationships.

I am currently sexually monogamous but emotionally polyamorous. It's not that I wouldn't be open to others sexually. If and when I felt it was something I wanted, I would do something about it. I haven't in a long while (4 years now).

I do go on dates though. I have had some wonderfully romantic dates that didn't lead to sex.
And I love kisses, but other than kisses and cuddles, not much else happens. But the additional affection is wonderful. I love my friends dearly and I value them as highly as the partner I'm living with. And on some days even more because my partner and I can bicker a lot about stupid stuff. My friends and I never do.

But I only date poly men. I don't like the pressure monogamous men put upon me for sex or sexting. I also don't like how many men were married and looking for something "discreet".

It makes me feel sad and ill these days. How many people actually get a charge out of the secret-keeping. How many risk destroying their families not because of the cheating (which is bad enough) but because of all the lying that has to be done to cheat (I think that is the worst part of cheating).

Poly people work a lot harder at honesty and openness and they often get STD tested far more frequently than their monogamous counterparts that are cheating.

I think everyone is different and should do a lot of soul searching to decide what they really need and be honest with themselves. Monogamy is great. But so is polyamory.

There is no one right way to do relationships, but knowing yourself is key. Don't force yourself to be something you aren't.

Beautifully worded. Highly insightful. Ty

13

No. As a child I watched people in strictly monogamous relationships cheat on one another, keep secrets, and basically tear themselves apart for the sake of maintaining some illusion of "normalcy". It's definitely an individual choice as not everyone is suited to monogamy, though I personally think it breeds more jealousy and frustration than a polyamorous relationship does.

It's never been something I actively sought out. I'd rather my partner be happy, whether with me or with several people, than feeling trapped in a two-person relationship that limits them in one area or another. I also, of course, prefer having my options open and it doesn't diminish my love for whoever I'm with if I happen to develop an interest in someone else.

Bravo.

I identified as "polyamorous" for about 35 (+ or -) years. People who self-identify as polyamorous can lie, be jealous, and keep secrets from each other, too. Serial-monogamists, monogamists, etc... don't have the market cornered on deception or self-deception.

Absolutely true, @ailurophile. But many poly people are also able to work through jealousy and keep to agreements.

@Atheopagan I'd be curious to see stats. I suppose they would be self-reported stats, so...
hard to get a ballpark number. I've known a few people in successful poly relationship geometries, but even more monogamous people in successful relationships. Of course, this is all anecdotal. πŸ™‚

13

I desire to be loved and fully accepted, flaws and all.

I believe that monogamy can work, but is not the true nature of humans.

I want to be able to freely express and experience my own, personal instincts without being judged or misunderstood. I also deeply desire to cause minimal harm to my loved ones.

12

In any and all relationships trust and communication are key buliding blocks. πŸ™‚

Betty Level 7 Mar 18, 2018

VERY true 🌼

11

Isn't being single monogamous?

Nice lol you know what I mean πŸ˜›

Or is being single monotonous?

@HippieChick58 All I know is that it's the most boring kind of mono you can get. πŸ˜‰

In the same way that masturbation is 'gay sex for one?'

9

I was just having a conversation about this with someone yesterday. I don't think monogamy comes naturally. I think a lot of relationships get destroyed unnecessarily when one partner falls for someone else. I also think that monogamy and marriage,in particular,come from a place of fear. Fear of being alone, fear of losing a partner, fear of being loved less. I decided a while back not to be afraid anymore. I want someone who wants to be with me, and it doesn't bother me if they want to be with someone else as well(and vice versa). I think demanding monogamy is on par with demanding that your friends not have any other friends because you're jealous.

Well put

@ashortbeauty thank you

9

monogamy sounds complicated enough for me

8

It's my favorite furniture. Oak is not a warm color.

Another jokester welcome

I always thought the practice of putting your initials on everything was an ostentatious thing mostly done by rich people to show off.

@ashortbeauty Thanks πŸ™‚

@TerriCity And sometimes your mother would put them on your underwear so you wouldn't lose them at summer camp.

8

Monagamy is a cultural practice in our society and in many others. Even if it were not, I believe that I would prefer monogamy. I think that it would be too difficult to sustain tryly loving and caring relationships between myself and more than one woman.

7

I am monogamous. I do not judge others' choices, but I am the sort to commit to one woman at a time. It works best for me.

7

Monogamy is the only way for me. I can’t share I tried. I’m to jealous for that. I’m not crazy kind and f jealous I trust who I’m with till they give me a reason not to trust them and then it is over. But poly works for some people just not for me.

I'm with you on that. I've tried it and there was more jealously than love flowing amongst us.

6

I was in a poly relationship when I was a married Christian. All devout Christians are. Jesus is a bridegroom to both men and women. Think about it. The partners split their time, devotion and love between Jesus and their partner. I have no desire to be in another poly relationship.

Life is busy enough as it is. Nurturing one committed relationship requires a lot of time and energy. I would rather dedicate my time to one speical person -- make it quality. If the time came and we both wanted to go our separate ways, so be it. Life happens.

5

I've known happy and unhappy people in both monogamous and non-monogamous relationships. Reading over these comments, it's obvious some people are strongly drawn to one or the other, and some are somewhere in the middle. I was very much a monogamous person for many years, then later preferred poly; I do not think this was an "evolution", so much as a change in taste. The only thing bad about either is if your partner(s) is/are not on board with your decision.

So far, you're the only one who has addressed the last part of the question. Ty

@ashortbeauty I had two relationships in my 20s in which my partner wanted to be non-monogamous, and it absolutely did NOT work for me to the core of my being. At that time in my life, if asked, I would have said I was monogamous for life. However, I did eventually change and was even the person to bring it up in a later relationship. My partner was into trying it at that time, and for awhile, it was the happiest I ever was. However, I don't think I could have forced that change... it just happened, the same way I hated Brussel sprouts at one time and now love them!

5

I totally desire Monogamy, if i can't have that in a Realtionship that ,we can't be involved . Im a touchy feely type of person when with a woman, so totally no affection or Monogamy wouldn't ever work out

5

I can only do monogamy. I can't even date multiple people at the same time...I lose track of who is who, who I did what with, even call people by the wrong name (which can happen anyway...it, and bad sense of geography, run in the family). Plus, I prefer someone I can be alone with...not all the time...but our relationship must be alone together. I never have the urge to cheat, because I do not find sex for sexes sake very interesting. I have been in relationships where the other person was in a polygamous relationship, and I was 'the other guy'. But it didn't last long. And the funny thing is, I sorta don't mind it, though, as I got older, the realization of playing 'v.d. russian roullette' became more and more real (I am clean but so many of my friends got the Hep C and a few have died or are going to die from it).

Hep c can be cured now. Have them see their docs

@ashortbeauty eh, the liver damage is done...bad living choices that they refuse to change...so I guess it isn't the hep c, but the things that were enfolded around it.

@JohnnyThorazine gotcha 😟

you are right on johnny thorazine. it only takes one poke to get a vd and i'm not wanting that to be the 100'dth poke in the same girl where she got it from doing one guy the week before and a month after i met her.... i'll say it again - i'd NEVER want anything other than a monogamous relationship....NEVER. lol i know a guy that was on thorazine - are you a vietnam vet?

@Maiasaura Exactly! I remember watching some show when I was young...might have even been an after school special...they traced a strain of vd....great show, because to this day, it has kept me safe!...haha

@SeeCanU My dad was. I am an old punk rocker...haha....and a former marine....I got combat pay, so I suppose I am a vet...don't think about it...haha

thank you for your service, sir! and thank your dad!

5

To each his own. I personally could only be monogamous. I've never felt any need to be anything else.

4

I want to be Enough. I want her to be enough.

4

Its personal choice but you should always be honest right from the start what ever you do.

4

I'm not ambitious enough to even consider multiple partners.

4

Neither males nor females are monogamous by nature. If we were, none of us would have have an affair. In particular, women were fed the line that we are monogamous while men are not. It was the validation for polygamy. Polygamy was really just a way to show wealth and for men to ensure that they were spreading their seed as much as possible.

4

It feels like I never been wanting to be in a monogamous relationship but it’s so imbedded in society that it’s almost a must.

3

Iwould never want anything other than a monogomous relationship.

3

I do not want, nor believe in, polygamy. I have a lot of negative opinions and beliefs and distrust from polygamy and that has been from personal experience.

I do not tell others they can't, nor do I try to hinder their rights, because I would be a hypocrite to advocate LGBT+ rights if I turned around and treated polyamorous people with the same cruelty, however I will not lie about how I feel about it.

The only exception to my "not try to destroy their rights" is brainwashed and cult-ish abusive like the FLDS mormons and that creepy AF sister-wives guy. He is a chomo, I am willing to bet money on it. It's just a matter of time before it comes out...then he'll be advocating that it's also his right to take children as wives...just like the FLDS...Dude gives me the serious heebie-jeebies...

I've always been this way too, but I thought I'd give a polyamorous relationship a try, and it only solidified my severe dislike of it.

3

Not anymore.
Not now.
Of course.
Sure.
What?

You do know I had to scroll back n forth just to respond to you...right?!? πŸ˜›
Now, your What response. Can monotonous relationships build into polygamous relationships?

3

I would love it, but my circumstances make it impossible now. If I could, I would want that. But since I can’t, I make the best of my circumstances. Poly is nice, with the right people.

miffy Level 5 Mar 18, 2018
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