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How do you make friends? Do you randomly talk to anyone, or are you selective?

I ended up making 2 new friends in one week. Looks mean nothing to me. I'll talk to anyone who wants to talk to me. (As long as they aren't pestering me, like some people do) The day I registered at the college, I was at the bus stop waiting for my bus. It was very windy out so I walked to the sheltered bus benches. I saw a woman there sitting on the bench with her feet on the bench. I know from being an anime lover, that people whom follow anime and have seen Naruto, sit like that. So I said, "Hi, and when is the 11 bus coming?" She said in 10 minutes and then I asked her what year she was in? We hit it off from there. I only got her first name and that she's a Sophomore majoring in accounting to work for the IRS. Then I saw my bus sitting there. I forgot to tell her my last name. I almost missed my bus and I had no time to give her my number. I will try and find her in the Fall. I want a friend going in as a new student. The other friend I made is a 35-year-old nice woman living at my center. She has a deformity on one of her legs and walks with a cane. Her maturity level is age appropriate. This whole week we've been hanging out when I'm not at work. Tonight we will watch a movie and eat popcorn. We both go to the gym too. She does the water aerobics and I workout. Life is going good at work and at home. I end up making friends in the oddest places. These two places weren't odd though. I'm not a judgemental person and I'm not selective. Except one guy at my place friended me on FB the 2nd day I moved in. I deleted it and told the kid girl (the immature one I'm ignoring) here not tell residents to friend me. He threw a fit and tattled. They told him I don't have to have anyone on my FB from here. I said I didn't want him on my FB. No one I live with is on there. I was very assertive with his immature reaction and I told him to back off! He doesn't speak to me now. He is very immature for a 20-something-year-old. That is when I do have to be selective. How do you make friends?

By Sarahroo298
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Unfortunately my technique as a 6 year old doesn’t go over very well anymore.

“Hello, do you want to be friends”? ?

Why not? Seems straightforward to me.


@LovinSpoonful007 "gip" is currently viewed as a slight towards gypsies. President Bill Clinton found that out. Just a heads up if you find a gypsy for a friend. Now even the word "gypsy" is deemed offensive. The accepted term currently is Romano. What are we to do? Sort of like Pollack. In the USA it is a slur. In Poland it is how they refer to themselves. Negro means black just as Swartz. My head is going to explode. =0}

@Countrywoman What are "we" to do? We are to refer to people in a respectful manner and be sensitive what "people" want to be called. I dislike it when a man whom I do not know calls me "girl." I hate it when people use "retard" as pejorative, but the people who use it see no problem.

@Gwendolyn2018 Yes indeed. But retard merely means less fast. It has only recently become a pejorative. Who knew gip was unacceptable until Bill Clinton used the term. Must we now inquire "how would you like to be called?" before we refer to them? A living language makes for challenging conversation. I always knew :Jew town" was pejorative as any thing with "Jew" in it must be. But so many Chicago black folks (acceptable reference?) referred unknowingly to Maxwell St. as Jew town due to the cheap bargains found there. I grew up referring to our citizens of African descent as "colored" or "negro". Today that is a no no. I can't talk about anything without tip toeing around peoples offense. So I avoid conversation of substance other than on this site now. Too many offended citizens. I will give you props for being adverse to the word "girl" when referring to women. I had a huge issue with one of my employers who referred to the women folk as "girls". Mr. Big Shot got an education from me. Girl is a child. A prostitute. A stripper. A friend. It is not the women who are working to hold down a family & doing the better job than the BOYEEEEZ. =0}

@Countrywoman For me, knowing "how" to refer to people is a matter of reading and keeping informed. I teach English and, in part, I feel that it behooves me to be aware due to the ethnicities of my students. I have told quite a few men that I ceased to be a "girl" many decades ago. However, if another woman calls me "girl," it has a different connotation--it's about intent and perspective.


I have many acquaintances, but few friends. I might talk to a complete stranger if the mood takes me, but that is very infrequent. I can make the acquaintance of anybody in any situation in which I happen to find myself.

I am highly selective about what of myself I share with other people.

irascible Level 8 Mar 24, 2018

Same here.

@Sarahroo29 same with me. Since my living situation changed last July, however, I see almost none of the friends I used to socialize with; they're all a hundred miles away now, and I honestly do miss many of them. But, c'est la vie, such is life,eh?

I can easily talk to strangers, but people are too busy nowadays to develop new friendships, it seems, especially with old atheists.


I'm very friendly. I will talk to most people around me. Just not for very long or ever again.

Oh, okay.

@Sarahroo29 Ha! Unless they prove interesting.

Lol..I'm pretty much the same way.

@Freespirit64 What's the use in further meetings if you tell me everything about yourself and your life the first time around?

So many people have no understanding of privacy, tmi, or mystery.

@Donotbelieve Which seems to be a growing trend fueled by social media. As the old saying goes...Good things come to those who wait...

@Freespirit64 yes


I have people I refer to as friends simply because I know them slightly better than strangers. Then I have a few very few that are closer than friends that I can talk to about lifes hard issues.

azzow2 Level 8 Mar 24, 2018



It seems to come so naturally to young people, to school kids. For me an elder now, not quite so easy... but there are a few ways to meet folks.
My neighborhood has a blog and people share giveaways, advice, and get to know each other.
Unfortunately none of us here will meet anyone in church, though about 30 years ago I did exactly that.
Foreign language classes at your local night school or comm college are a splendid way to make all sorts of friends. You see a person not your gender, ethnicity, age, any of it across the class. Your Italian teacher tells you in Italian, "Maria! Go ask Bruno what kind of car he drives. Ask him his hobbies." ) Soon you may have a new pal you never thought you would.
For people with growing kids, parents' associations and events for the kids' schools. Your kids' pals' parents. Walking your dog, Befriending passers by doing same. Gardening societies, or gardening out front of your place. About half the passers by I see here do stop to admire my work, which is rather a lot and has been more arduous than I imagined by far. Two neighbors have actually volunteered, one from Peru- Olga, who walks to Zumba class, and Kean, a brilliant gay man from Malaysia who speaks 5 dialects of Chinese. And who took out so many weeds I will be forever grateful. Of course, friends of friends. Sierra Club! Join and hike. Political events and volunteering for candidates. Any sort of community activism, this is an oldie & goodie.
As you suggest, facebook can get you pals. I've met women on FB from Portland and from Chicago, now real life friends who traveled here to SF for other matters Other social media. Recovery meetings or support groups. I traveled to Europe once all alone, could not find anyone to go with my itinerary, and met lots of people (was young then, and got dates and a relationship out of it!) Traveling with others limits your attention to them, mostly.
best to all!

monique Level 3 Mar 26, 2018



I try to be polite and friendly to everyone, however, I am very careful to differentiate "acquaintances" vs "friends". Some people define every new person they meet or have a conversation with as a friend, but I am more selective. Relationships take time to evolve into friendships and that means doing your part, whether it's getting together whenever you can, keeping up on the phone, etc. You need both parties to achieve a balance, and to me, this is the definition of a friendship.



Re-thinking all my relationships. Trying to not develop connections out of need and loneliness but maybe be with people who have an emotional clue. Sounds like you're making some healthy choices too.

kmdskit3 Level 8 Mar 25, 2018


This is a good point. Passing your comment along to my son, who apprently needs this advice!


There are days when I will talk to a fence post if it stays still long enough. Other days, I just can't think of a thing to say. As for friends, the only ones I have are my sisters. Everyone else I know is an acquaintance. I don't know anyone well enough to call them friend.

SheThatB Level 5 Mar 24, 2018


My sister is one of my closest friends; she is in another state and so are other women whom I consider "friends." Where I live, I have acquaintances and one close male friend . . . but that's about it. Living in the Midwest, I am a bit different. I find it ironic that people tend to like me, but I find their interests boring.


The older I get the more selective I have become and the more time I spend alone. I think that is rather common.

Rudy1962 Level 9 Mar 24, 2018



I treat people how treat me



Whether I talk to anyone really depends on my level of boredom. I really don't 'like' many people but can talk and get along with anyone. I have 2 friends and their immediate family.

PhoebeCat Level 7 Mar 27, 2018



People have a weird level of investment in [un]friending on FaceBook as if it actually means anything. I stand amazed at how the simple device of turning "friend" into a verb and substituting it for "adding you to my FB contact list" has turned it into a bizarre sort of social currency where people actually think that FB "friends" are actual friends. In fact I would imagine many in your generation don't know any other sort of friend. It's kinda sad.

I actually know of a situation in which someone unfriended some shirt-tail relative who was being an arse, and it resulted in a domino effect where the person was literally ostracised from their extended family. Bunch of Italians with the typical mafia-like notion of what "respect" is and isn't.

FB, more than any other social media, has changed the way we relate to each other, for the worse.

Anyway good for you, knowing how to make face-to-face actual friends, and how to have and enforce healthy interpersonal boundaries.

mordant Level 8 Mar 25, 2018


I did make two real life friends on FB. I live in SF and 2 wonderful women one in Portland, one in Chicago, both brilliant AF and great company, have come to visit.
I once went to Portland myself with a 10 year old in tow, wanting to show her cities of the great northwest (Seattle on another trip!) and visiting friends I made on line, that was pre facebook.
If you say facebook is miserable, full of rating haters, trolls, characters who are tormented, up to no good, that is of course true also. You try to take the good, not the bad!

Ya, FB is F'n weird like that


Super selective and even then your not my friend we just talk to varying degrees

I'm kind of selective.


Inspite of myself, and against my wishes.

That's how I keep myself clear of dead weight.

That is good.


I will talk to stangers, but l am very particular about my friends and who l spend my time with.

Sticks48 Level 9 Mar 25, 2018

Same here.


I talk to many people when I am in public, but I don't make friends. I like going home alone and I like being alone. I am a bit of an oxymoron: a friendly misanthrope.

...had to look that one up.. Don’t think I’m there, yet, but have begun liking it alone ..more and more smile001.gif

@Varn The longer I am alone, the more I like it. I get my social time by just being in public. I prefer the company of my young grandchildren more than others. I love humanity, disdain most humans. And yet, I am kind.


I will talk to just about anyone. So far I have met some very interesting and nice people that I wouldn't have otherwise met.

lbusche Level 7 Mar 24, 2018

Me too.


I make friends by risking first; I smile, say Hi and engage anyone who will respond. Many people are take off guard by this approach and sometimes it take several like encounters before people will open up to the oportunity.

arca2027 Level 6 Mar 24, 2018

Cool. ?


I'll talk to anyone. I'm selective about who I continue talking to however. Some people are just too negative/obstinately ignorant or just plain mean. I don't need that in my life, so I weed those folks out.



I suppose it starts with talking. I've talked with people around the world and many it turned out we had things in common.

MartinG Level 6 Mar 24, 2018

That is cool.


I don't. I'm certain I never learned how. I AM friendly though. LOL

AmiSue Level 8 Mar 24, 2018

Me too.


I just talk to people, like you, but I'm selective.

JustJere Level 5 Mar 24, 2018



I'm not very good at making friends. I never know what to say and I'm kinda awkward when I try to talk to someone.

dddd2776 Level 4 Mar 24, 2018

I'm not a very social person at home. So it's good to have made 2 real life friends.

I have this issue, I often say or try to say the light stuff and being more complex than the average bear tend to create a labyrinth of thought that I lose most people with.

I think most people get tripped up over what to say beyond the obvious or relevant. I’m always forming opinions, and they’re often shared by others, so I’ll just kinda ‘think out loud,’ and expect nothing in return. Trust yur gut smile001.gif


If someone acts like a child, that's how I treat them. (When they start screaming, I leave) When people are real, I know immediately.

Holysocks Level 7 Mar 24, 2018



I'll talk to anyone about almost anything ... until they screw it up.

Same here.

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