I ended up making 2 new friends in one week. Looks mean nothing to me. I'll talk to anyone who wants to talk to me. (As long as they aren't pestering me, like some people do) The day I registered at the college, I was at the bus stop waiting for my bus. It was very windy out so I walked to the sheltered bus benches. I saw a woman there sitting on the bench with her feet on the bench. I know from being an anime lover, that people whom follow anime and have seen Naruto, sit like that. So I said, "Hi, and when is the 11 bus coming?" She said in 10 minutes and then I asked her what year she was in? We hit it off from there. I only got her first name and that she's a Sophomore majoring in accounting to work for the IRS. Then I saw my bus sitting there. I forgot to tell her my last name. I almost missed my bus and I had no time to give her my number. I will try and find her in the Fall. I want a friend going in as a new student. The other friend I made is a 35-year-old nice woman living at my center. She has a deformity on one of her legs and walks with a cane. Her maturity level is age appropriate. This whole week we've been hanging out when I'm not at work. Tonight we will watch a movie and eat popcorn. We both go to the gym too. She does the water aerobics and I workout. Life is going good at work and at home. I end up making friends in the oddest places. These two places weren't odd though. I'm not a judgemental person and I'm not selective. Except one guy at my place friended me on FB the 2nd day I moved in. I deleted it and told the kid girl (the immature one I'm ignoring) here not tell residents to friend me. He threw a fit and tattled. They told him I don't have to have anyone on my FB from here. I said I didn't want him on my FB. No one I live with is on there. I was very assertive with his immature reaction and I told him to back off! He doesn't speak to me now. He is very immature for a 20-something-year-old. That is when I do have to be selective. How do you make friends?
It seems to come so naturally to young people, to school kids. For me an elder now, not quite so easy... but there are a few ways to meet folks.
My neighborhood has a blog and people share giveaways, advice, and get to know each other.
Unfortunately none of us here will meet anyone in church, though about 30 years ago I did exactly that.
Foreign language classes at your local night school or comm college are a splendid way to make all sorts of friends. You see a person not your gender, ethnicity, age, any of it across the class. Your Italian teacher tells you in Italian, "Maria! Go ask Bruno what kind of car he drives. Ask him his hobbies." ) Soon you may have a new pal you never thought you would.
For people with growing kids, parents' associations and events for the kids' schools. Your kids' pals' parents. Walking your dog, Befriending passers by doing same. Gardening societies, or gardening out front of your place. About half the passers by I see here do stop to admire my work, which is rather a lot and has been more arduous than I imagined by far. Two neighbors have actually volunteered, one from Peru- Olga, who walks to Zumba class, and Kean, a brilliant gay man from Malaysia who speaks 5 dialects of Chinese. And who took out so many weeds I will be forever grateful. Of course, friends of friends. Sierra Club! Join and hike. Political events and volunteering for candidates. Any sort of community activism, this is an oldie & goodie.
As you suggest, facebook can get you pals. I've met women on FB from Portland and from Chicago, now real life friends who traveled here to SF for other matters Other social media. Recovery meetings or support groups. I traveled to Europe once all alone, could not find anyone to go with my itinerary, and met lots of people (was young then, and got dates and a relationship out of it!) Traveling with others limits your attention to them, mostly.
best to all!
I try to be polite and friendly to everyone, however, I am very careful to differentiate "acquaintances" vs "friends". Some people define every new person they meet or have a conversation with as a friend, but I am more selective. Relationships take time to evolve into friendships and that means doing your part, whether it's getting together whenever you can, keeping up on the phone, etc. You need both parties to achieve a balance, and to me, this is the definition of a friendship.
There are days when I will talk to a fence post if it stays still long enough. Other days, I just can't think of a thing to say. As for friends, the only ones I have are my sisters. Everyone else I know is an acquaintance. I don't know anyone well enough to call them friend.
People have a weird level of investment in [un]friending on FaceBook as if it actually means anything. I stand amazed at how the simple device of turning "friend" into a verb and substituting it for "adding you to my FB contact list" has turned it into a bizarre sort of social currency where people actually think that FB "friends" are actual friends. In fact I would imagine many in your generation don't know any other sort of friend. It's kinda sad.
I actually know of a situation in which someone unfriended some shirt-tail relative who was being an arse, and it resulted in a domino effect where the person was literally ostracised from their extended family. Bunch of Italians with the typical mafia-like notion of what "respect" is and isn't.
FB, more than any other social media, has changed the way we relate to each other, for the worse.
Anyway good for you, knowing how to make face-to-face actual friends, and how to have and enforce healthy interpersonal boundaries.
It varies but I usually make a light hearted comment to do with a common interest maybe the weather, the traffic etc. Could be thru work so there's a bit of common ground. Doesn't take many seconds to see if there's any friendly rapport to be had and then take it from there.
Online friends here are pretty easy, we all have a common element going in and that really seems to help get things underway.