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How do you answer "How are you today?"

"Hi there. What are you up to today?" a man asked as a first message on a dating site.

"What am I up to?" I replied. "At the moment I'm drinking coffee and thinking about how to answer your question. Are you asking about the moment, today's activities or life goals?"

Then I felt guilty for being a smart-alack. I followed up politely:

"I'll bite. Today I plan to lift weights and use the rowing machine at the gym. What's your plan for today?" This brings us to the ceaseless question:

"How are you today?"

Cashiers and service people don't want an answer.They want to appear friendly.

"Happy!" I reply with a smile, startling people into consciousness. "Not unwell," I reply to men on dating sites with thanks to George Carlin.

Unless we're talking with friends and family, we're all like talking dolls, endlessly repeating the same trite and tiresome lines: "How are you?" "Hot enough out there?" "Don't work too hard!"

Sprayed with God Cologne

"Increasingly at Southern airports, instead of 'goodbye' or 'thank you,' cashiers are apt to say, 'Have a blessed day!" David Sedaris wrote in his hilarious book, Calypso.

"It can make you feel like you've been sprayed against your will with God cologne. "Get it off me!" I want to scream. "Quick, before I start wearing ties with short-sleeved shirts!"

"As a business traveler, you'll likely be met at your destination by someone who asks, "So, how was your flight?" This, as if there are interesting variations and you might answer, "The live orchestra was a nice touch," or "The first half was great, but then they let a baby take over the controls and it got all bumpy."

"In fact, there are only two kinds of flights: ones in which you die and ones in which you do not."

Your thoughts?

LiterateHiker 9 Dec 28
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67 comments

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2

I agree with you. People that ask how you are really do not want to know. They simply want to appear as friendly and professional. I've taken to a smile and the answer that says "I could be better but then I could be worse." 🙂

7

it completely depends on how i am that day.

sometimes i smile and say "ask me an easy one."

g

6

I like, "I am functioning within design parameters, thank you."

@JustaRandomGuy42

Priceless! I laughed out loud.

6

Most people get a "Hangin' in there", in response to that question.
I don't like engaging in small talk with strangers.

When I was managing a wholesale beauty supply store, I hated asking that
particular question. In truth, because most of the time, I really did not care.
Not to be unpleasant, but simply because I feel like it's just one of those
"filler" questions. It's relatively meaningless.
Instead, I would ask, "What can I do for you today?"
That was more to the point of why everyone was there, and definitely the
point of my job.

6

I'm fine how are you? I sometimes add "But the day is not over".

6

Hahaha, trying to get over "sprayed against your will with God cologne"!!

However, I usually don't care for being asked that, and it often seems a bit invasive and entitled. Perhaps that tags me as private and reclusive? True.

In answer to the question, my most common response is "doing well, thanks". Action statement, open to change.

5

I love your sarcastic sense of humor— my replies to all those questions are full of sarcasm.

  1. What are you up to today? I have a contract killing to fulfill
    2.cashiers— I tell them I have cancer which is true— they are speechless
    3.southern airports or Christians in general — it’s actually god urine
  2. I sort of don’t mind the “ how was your flight” thing — it lets you vent if you had a rude or inconsiderate person you had to deal with or if you joined the mile high club you had something to brag about

@bklynite53

Thank you. It takes an intelligent man to get my dry humor.

"I tip my hat in your general direction," I say, amused.

It's a compliment with a subtle insult. I'm not tipping my hat directly at him, just in his general direction.

@LiterateHiker I’m not sure how intelligent I am but growing up Jewish in Brooklyn it is in our DNA to have a sense of humor and be sarcastic.

@bklynite53 nice. I was raised Jewish in Queens. Also had a little black and white tv to watch Monty Python as a child.

@Keita Arizona from Queens huh? Witness protection program?

5

I’ve been working retail at the local dollar general a mile from my house the past few months. Having taken great pains to avoid front of house customer related jobs my whole life, it’s been nerve racking at times and more exhausting work than most people give it credit for. but it’s done a lot for my social anxiety and ability to power through superficial interactions. After hundreds of repitions of “hi how are ya?” to my neighbors, if I have one or two awkward interactions in a day it’s small potatoes. Whereas before when I was isolating myself, I’d replay my cringiest moments on a repeat of regret.

Some people I’ve learned I actually enjoy talking to, others are on meth and will overshare/take advantage of any empathy or time you offer, some grumpy people won’t repond whatsoever, and another portion of those that snubbed my greeting will seem friendly suddenly as they leave, and I think they may have just not heard me. If people ask me first or in reply how I’m doing I say either I’m fine thanks, or doin alright. How’s it goin? It’s goin. I’ve learned the people who seem manic/worried/frazzled you don’t ask how they’re doing. You’re gonna get drawn into some crazy story. In those cases or if I’ve already greeted them at the door, I ask them if they found everything ok.

5

How am I today? I usually say. ... So far so good, I made it this far and that's a good sign.

5

"As well as reality allows..."
or "I feel more like I do now than I ever did before" ... lyric from a partially written song....

blzjz Level 7 Dec 28, 2019
4

I guess it depends on your community...I see the same people each week: the cook at the Chinese take out, the servers at my favorite lunch spot, the cashiers at the grocery, the kid that carries my groceries to my car...we have to live with each other so we small talk a lot...sometimes it turns into something more interesting, sometimes it is too much information...the intent is genuine in most cases...we are all glad to see each other still around.

I am very social and it seems that many people are just trying to make my day and their day go better, so we tend to answer with a simple "fine" whether we mean it or not.

I sometimes answer with a "don't ask cos you really don't want to know"...that usual stops the ensuing questions until the next time..

4

I have had daily messages from men on this site and Facebook that amount to "How are you today?" or "Hello beautiful!" (always sans punctuation.) The temptation is overwhelming to reply to that first message with "A bit queasy due to your nauseatingly uninteresting message, but I'll soon recover." But I haven't been able to be quite that mean out loud, so I respond politely in a way that doesn't encourage further banalities. I may get there yet. The second one: "Hello beautiful." usually gets no response. If the man knew me at all, then he'd know that such hollow flattery just pisses me off and makes me wonder "What do you want?"

Deb57 Level 8 Dec 28, 2019

@Deb57

High five. I love your reply.

"A bit queasy due to your nauseatingly uninteresting message, but I'll soon recover" is hilarious!

I get barraged with the same crap. It makes me wonder if these guys have an active brain cell. On Fitness Singles, folks who didn't pay can only send canned Profile Interest Messages. My inbox looks like this:

I like your profile. What do you think of mine?
I like your profile. What do you think of mine?
I like your profile. What do you think of mine?
I like your profile. What do you think of mine?

@LiterateHiker my inner empath recognizes that the "How are you today?" approach could just be the feeble attempt of a nice guy who can't think of anything else to say, and that's what stops me from being outright rude; but clearly somebody that unmotivated and/or creatively deficient is not going to be any kind of compatible match for me, and there is just no reason to waste precious time for either of us.

@Deb57

Agreed. If a man can't write an interesting, personal message, he's not for me. He could:

  1. Comment on what we have in common.
  2. Ask a question about my profile, showing he read it.
  3. Show interest in one of my photos. (no salacious comments.)

Answer the pop quiz at the end of my profile! I made it easy. It's a trigger question designed to prompt a response.

4

I quite often change the subject as you never know what the person who is asking is going thru or how their day has been so far.. I usually say great or fantastic in a cheery voice and quickly add a perssonal note ,like I love your tattoo/. and if i want to engage in further conversation I ask what meaning it has for them ,Which can usually help make there day as you have taken an interest in them or love your new hair do ot a piece of clothing they are wearing,,just letting them know they are appreciated

4

"I am good and I hope you are the same."

4

I frequently come up with a smartalec answer and explain to the clerk that I thought they needed something to break the monotony of their day.

3

Today at the gym, a grumpy-looking man arrived. He looked miserable. Sat on a machine fiddling with his phone. Luckily, I didn't have to ask him to move.

"Are you having fun?" I asked as I walked by. Startled, he looked up. "Guess I'm having fun. How are you?"

"I'm always happy!" I said with a grin. He smiled back.

3

I used to say stuff that was meaningless. Now I look at the person and say something like, "I hope you are having a good day, you have a hard job and probably a lot of jerks." They usually slow down a little and respond to this with at least a smile, and a thank you.

3

I usually start the interaction with some variation of
'Greetings citizens!'
'Hello human!'
'Shine on good sir'
Or whatever else strikes my fancy.

I usually answer with something akin to
'Delightful'
'Ducky'
'Peachy'
'Fantastic'
'Fabulous'
'Stuffed with glitter, poopin rainbows'
'Who's making you say this?'
'meh'

"Peachy" is my family's safe word/code word for "get the police".

those are great. could start a fun conversation. Like shit I have to change my diet, I have never pooped rainbows.

3

And yet if I open with questions such as “How many guitars do you have?” or “Have you ever kissed a Jamaican in a Target store?” - I’m frequently met with abject silence 🤔
🤪

3

I woke up this morning and told myself ( and I knew it was me because I recognized my voice ) it's going to be a good day.

3

I usually answer that question with "could be better, could be worse".

I truly hate it when I get those as introductory questions on dating sites. Usually, when I do answer, I get another single question query. I do not play twenty questions. If you want to talk, then talk. If not, leave me alone.

3

Years ago when I traveled in the Mid-South... in Kentucky they would say "y'all come back now" in Southern Missouri they added "y'all come back now, ya hear"

@FrostyJim

Yeah, I'll bring my multiple personalities.

@LiterateHiker - Hear is an ear-worm for you to hear all day... Y'all come back now ...y'hear?

@FrostyJim

I hate hillbilly banjo and country music. Too whiny and screechy. Hurts my ears.

I grew up in Michigan. My father was a professional jazz trumpet player from age 14- he lied about his age to get into the Musician's Union- until he died of cancer at 51.

Growing up, I played flute: classical and jazz music.

@LiterateHiker - too bad - I am lucky to enjoy many different genera's - but I also find some jazz very screechy and dissonant and not enjoyable and some classical just too pretentious and over associated with social class - Frank Zappa was a musical genius - but some of his jazz and symphonies were not my cup of tea... Zydeco, Cajun, Creole, Bluegrass, and slave work-chants led to Gospel that led to Blues that led to American Jazz and Classic Rock ...lest we forget our roots?

3

I'm never bothered by these innocuous questions. It's a matter of proximity for me: the better I know someone, the more interest they have in the answer. When I ask a stranger how they're doing, it's not that I'm uninterested in their answer so much as I don't know enough about them to have more than a shallow interest, and I think that's generally understood. So, while I might not be interested in hearing about how someone's grandkids are doing, if she tells me she's okay but having some arthritic pain in her hands I might offer to carry her bag for her. If it's a co-worker I ask, they might tell me about the project they're working on, and that would fit the depth of our relationship. If it's a family member or a close friend, I probably want a lot of detail about what they've been up to, and we'd have a shared body of topics to draw from (e.g., my friend and her health problems, issues with her ex-husband and their kids, recent and/or upcoming travel, etc.). The closer I am to someone, the deeper the intent. Of course some people use it as nothing more than a placeholder or a platitude, but when asked I stick to the proximity guide to measure my response.

3

This is a uniquely "Murican" greeting. Other country's populations will tell you in painful detail how they "are". 😆
My standard response is "Fine! GREAT!!!! Couldn't be better!" as I rapidly depart the scene.... 🙄

3

I take it as a friendly greeting not a question. I am not offended.
Speaking of Southern woman. I am offended when, at my age or any age really, I am called Sweetie or Honey by a stranger like a waitress.. It is insulting. I always object and they are amazed that I am offended by their southern hospitality and because I object I am the rude one.

I come back at the “sweety and honey” people with “sure thing darlin, you be good now”. I like to speak back at them in their own language. LOL

It's not really hospitality in the South, it is the ability to twist the knife while maintaining those awful fake smiles. Then you hear, "Well bless your heart".

I am not even in the south and old(er) men call me dear or deary or honey all the time. I swear I am going to snap one day and tell em I HAVE A NAME YOU KNOW! And it is not dear or honey.... we are not close enough for you to give me a pet name. :/

My point is, I understand the frustration you feel. 🙂

3

Good question. I just returned from a "Christmas in Australia: and I made a point of smiling, engaging and being courteous to everyone I came in contact with. Did my "Christmas Dance" for gate agents, sat while a few bush aussie mates taught me the rules of cricket and tried not to be the "American Asshole". People are good if you just listen and accept differences

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