If you are in a new relationship with an old flame...
And have said you both are not seeing other people but still did not have the talk about if you are in a exclusive relationship how does one go about talking about it or at least bringing it up?
Titles are not that important but knowing where you stand with the person you care about is everything...
To be in a relationship, you must ask the person to date. Only after they agree can you consider yourself in a relationship. I've heard many stories about a guy telling a girl he's dating while the girl denies it, which causes them to fight a lot. Before, I always had problems with girls because I was very shy, but after I read the blog here [toddvdating.com] , I became much more confident. Also, I learned a lot of useful information about girls.
Yes, knowing where you stand is paramount. It's an old flame, so you ought to have that level of comfort to just ask.
"So hey, I was thinking...I'd really like us to be exclusive. Whadda you say?"
The answer he gives will tell you everything you need to know. The sooner, the better. If he bails, better to know that now than sometime down the road when you're more entangled. If he sticks, you get to move to the next level a little sooner.
Get on it.
It seems like you have a deep and passionate relationship.....the love of each others life! You've spent years looking for him in a crowd ! Why screw it up with a bunch of talking, reassuring and being clear on commitment and, you know, the rest of your lives together? (Or the moments you are presently in...)
Why?....Because we're human and we screw shit up that's why! No matter how strong the chemistry or how perfect the union.
Just don't over do it. He's a guy...ya know?
Do it with joy and happiness, not neediness and dread......we don't do well with all of that. (I'm gonna get slammed, I know it).
At this point in his life, I would think he's in the same place as you. That's probably what you need to know.
I'd say bring it up. Saying you want to be exclusive doesn't commit either of you to anything more but it does mean you warn the other person if you're going to "branch out". If you haven't said you'll be exclusive there is no motivation to keep you informed nor any motivation to turn down casual sex from another source.
Either one party or the other brings it up. But not too fast. I had an ex that brought it up within 2 dates and that was a red sign--- plus he was lying and continued seeing people on the side, so not sure why he'd have the talk so quick anyways.
Tell them it may be time for you each to get a full STD test to share with each other. That's a 10-panel blood & urine test (about $200) with a side-order of trichomoniasis (about an extra $100). That should define who's serious and who's not.
@Ravenwolfcasey News Flash! No such thing as 100% ANYTHING. But testing is how you vastly reduce the chances of acquiring or sharing STDs. Drugs don't cause STDs. And some STDs don't require sex. How do you think 5-year olds get herpes? Probably not from having sex. Most people who have STDs, got them from people who, just like you, claimed they had "the cleanest blood in existence", but refused to get tested. True fact.
@mtnhome 5 year olds get herpes because asshole family members with cold sores kiss them...or some shit...
And anyhow like I have said I have had blood tests and am very healthy....
The word "relationship" is so nebulous. Most people use it to mean romantic relationship, but I think it's really about a level of trust or commitment. You can be in a relationship with or without sex. You're in a "relationship" when there's just enough trust, and just enough commitment.
I hope it works out for you. It does sometimes. I had a womanizing uncle who eloped with his childhood sweetheart when they were both 16. Her Dad hunted them down and had the marriage annulled. They both went on to marry others. She married once and he married at least 5 more times afterwards. She moved to California and after 20 odd years came back to visit a girlfriend. They went to a bar and there sat my Uncle who was definitely a ladies man. He tipped his little hat and said excuse me ma'am but I feel like we have met somewhere before. She looking him straight in the eye and said, "we sure have you sorry SOB, I was your first wife." They were married 27 years before he died. Her nickname was Shanghai Lil, I think she was the first woman who convinced him she was not going to put up with his shit so they settled down to a quiet life of gambling, running bars and fishing. I will always remember the waiting room at the hospital when he had his last illness. It was filled with lots of old ladies and a few men. All the women went on and on about what a gentleman he was along with measured statements about her crudeness. She was my favorite aunt there was never a more genuine person that I can remember than Aunt Lil.
If you get better info from the webz than from the person youre in a relationship with, youre definitely not in a "Relationship" with a capital R
First off I'm just asking a question...
So thanx for your shitty negative comment...isnt the entire point of this site and forum is to help people? Like seriously WTF?
@Ravenwolfcasey i gave my answer. It semms pretty straight forward to me. Not clear on why you think thats wrong.
Loving relationships work best when we add a certain spirit, an attitude of goodwill.
I miss the tender touch, laughter, conversation, intimacy, teamwork and fun of a committed, loving relationship.
I refuse to get twitterpated over a man before meeting. If the first date goes well, I wait for the other shoe to drop, keeping my heart in reserve.
In my experience, most men can hold it together for about three weeks. Then the bad behavior comes out, the same bad behavior that killed their last relationships.
After six months of consistent dating, I'd consider it a relationship. Many men want casual sex with no commitment. That's not enough for me.
I recently got into seeing my ex bf from way back in the day..and it's been like 2 months and we have not really made anything official because he just moved back to town and had to settle in with finding a job and a place..and file for divorce...he was married for 2 years..unhappy and finally left.. No I was not the reason he left his wife..actually me and him had zero communication for about a year...and before that didn't talk for years after a falling out on facebook..
He was my first love..he was the first man I ever had sex with..and was madly in love with him from 16 to 18..and then it all fell apart...we went our separate ways and I married and had a child with someone else...after I left my husband and moved back home..I reached out and me and him rekindled a bit of romance for maybe a month or so but at that time we were in different places or something and he did not like my party lifestyle with my crazy friend's so we kinda parted on good terms and that was it..a few years later we became good friend's again..he was going thru hardship...his gf cheated and kicked him out..his son was 1 year old at the time...and he was devastated..I watched him almost drink himself to death...then shortly after that he bounced out of state and moved away for 11 years...
I always thought of him...always looked for him in a crowd..
Always wished he moved back and in Dec My wish came true when he pulled up in front of my house..I was like omg that's crazy...so now fast forward almost two months later and I am very much in love with him more than ever before...
But scared because I don't know where we stand and I mean we have had deep conversations about being in it for the long haul or what not..but not hey we are official and bf and gf titled...unless maybe we can't do anything like that till his divorce papers are filed or his divorce is finalised..
Ugggg very frustrating to not know....and not want to scare him away with acting needy or controlling...
Sorry for my rant
Hey, I'm happy for you! It sounds like you're in a really good place now.
I don't think discussing it has to be needy or controlling. At the very least you should be having a conversation about sex and protection, and if there's an expectation of monogamy. But it's pretty natural to just ask, hey, so what are we doing here? Are we officially a couple, or ... ?
Ummm we are both good...health wise...
And I personally am against certain tests because they are not 100% and are not regulated....
I have the cleanest blood in Existence because I don't take drugs...not even advil...
I also was not having sex for like 8 years prior