95 9

Should women still act like women and men like men?

What I mean with this question is should the man be the one pursuing the woman and should women still be feminine and enjoying being courted?
Because of equality the lines have gotten so muddled that men sometimes feel insecure and women feel they have to be very strong. What is your guys take on it?

Lovewins 5 Mar 30

Post a comment Reply Add Photo

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account


Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.


What does it mean to be a woman? Does it mean to conform to rigid gender roles and gender norms? If I pursue a partner or do not like the trappings of femininity am I no longer a woman?
My take on it is you subscribe to conservative binary gender roles/norms and you have yet to realize that gender is a social construct, a performance and rather fluid, along a spectrum.


If that were the case, I would not be in the most wonderful relationship of my life. It's been 6 years of continued happiness.

I asked him out.

I am very masculine in my thoughts, actions, and core. I struggled with my masculine tendencies for years. Until my Dr diagnosed me as having more testosterone in my system than the average woman. It turns out that I have hyperandrogenism.

I believe that my oldest daughter has this, as well.
It explains a lot about my personality and proclivities and hers.

I suffered most because of these asinine male/female roles and not quite fitting either.

My vote is for all humans to be logical and precise in their communications with each other.
Stop worrying about how others view you and whether you will be accepted.
You are alive. You are a human. You have many facets to your personality. There will be connections with others. Enjoy the wide array of relationships that humanity has to offer.

"I am very masculine in my thoughts, actions, and core." I can so relate to that.

It made my mother very frustrated with me because I was constantly defying her expectations of what a woman should act like.

I was almost going to say I never struggled with my masculine tendencies, but that isn't true. It's been a long time since I had. Any time I was with people who expected me to act like a woman there was conflicted feelings. So I tended to hang out more with men (as friends and confidantes), who didn't police my thoughts, feelings, behavior or wardrobe.

I really like and agree with your thoughts on this.I have always thought we all have a masculine and feminine side within us.The amount of these tendencies varies in each of us.

@Sciencemama We must have a lot in common. I am just glad to help my daughter not feel badly about her masculine side.

@sloryd Thanks. I heard someone say that human sexuality isn't black and white, it's a rainbow. It is a spectrum.

Well this certainly goes a long way in understanding moi. I viewed the world from a more male perspective, disappointed mom, Dad worried and I jjust was in my own little world.

@silverotter11 Yes. I was the only daughter and I definitely let my parents down.
I shock my mother constantly, but my dad has come to be proud of me. (We're a lot alike.)

@Donotbelieve I do think there are some commonalities. And I'm glad.

My youngest daughter, who is going to turn 13 next week, came out to me last year as non-binary. They have a voice that is deep, and more male interests and prefers to wear male clothing. They asked for a more boyish haircut (though still a little feminine too) and it looks really cool. And they like girls. πŸ™‚

While it took a bit of time to process what all that was going to mean for them, I was soon 100% on board with it. I took them to Chicago Pride last year to show our celebrate gender identity and sexual diversity.

My partner is male but is in fact strong in feminine traits. In fact, he's way more emotionally savvy and I'm the logical one in this partnership. Our strengths balance out each other's weakenesses.

This relationship has been more fulfilling than any I've had with men who acted strictly like men.

@Sciencemama Same here! My oldest daughter is asexual.
My partner is effeminate.
He likes my personality. It's wonderful.

I would say your perspective on the meaning of life is as accurate as accuracy could offer.

There is just doing life, and one may win or lose. That's all that needs to be said about life. The rest is just the "doing" part. Things like worrying about impressions only defeat concentration, waste time, etc.

@Ella True, but in my experiences, I have been bullied into fitting into those gender roles.

As a result, I am highly irritated by them.

Sometimes the, "traits that you inherently have," do not line up with the, "behaviors that are expected of you."

That's when I have a problem.

@ella The whole thing is confusing to me.

And I just want to be however it is I feel like being and not be judged or bullied for it.

And I don't generally identify as "womanly".

But in actuality, I've distanced myself from women because of the relational bullying tactics and the wardrobe and behavior policing done by women themselves towards other has made me feel resentment towards some women at times.

@Sciencemama The best policy might be to not expect certain behaviors from anyone based on their appearances.

@Donotbelieve I have learned that expectations are the source of much human misery.

And mostly because I only more recently have come to know human behavior is erratic and confusing, it took me a long time to feel good about my place in this world. Live and let live is what I always tried to live by.

These days, I try to keep my expectations low and allow people to be human, complete with their beautiful sides, their paradoxes and their flaws, including my own. I have much more peace about things.

Still, I sometimes have to allow people to be how they are away from me. I don't like spending time with people who make me feel bad for not living up to their expectations. I don't like how I've been judged and had nasty things said about me (mostly by the women in my family but more recently some women at my old job).

And on the flip side, I've also occasionally felt welcomed and accepted and even loved by women who just had so much goodness about them. One such woman was a Mulsim mother of four kids. She always invited me to stay when I brought my kids over for playdates. She gave me tea, and later asked me and the kids to stay for lunch. And one time lunch AND dinner. And we cried together over the prejudices people have.

She's moved away. So now I don't even have that.

@DZhukovin I attempt to be as precise and accurate as possible. I don't appreciate frivolity or added confusion.

@Sciencemama Well, I'm a woman and I definitely like you.



@DZhukovin my pleasure


As many others have already stated, let's let people be themselves. Let's drop outdated expectations of how particular genders should or shouldn't behave. Let's let people find love in their own ways--ways that make them feel comfortable.

Mea Level 7 Mar 31, 2018

Exactly. Love is love. Do what is right for you.


I think people should just be themselves and not worry about old fashion dating rules. If a woman wants to take the first step, go for it, if you prefer to wait the the guy then fine. I have no problem with a woman taking the first step. Some men are shy but may still make a great partner if you make the effort to get to know them. What is in a man or woman's heart is more important than who takes the lead in the relationship.


People should just be people. Too many people put a focus on gender for too many things. Just do you.


I met my wife ex wife in a club, back in the eighties, she approached me. I say if you see someone that you are attracted too, seize the opportunity, because it may not come around again.

All too true!

@JasonWikander......We were married for 24 years and we are still really good friends. Being my ex has nothing to do with it.


We should all just be how we're comfortable being.

Deb57 Level 8 Mar 31, 2018

I don't mind aggressive women in the least, but I am terrible with rules.

Most of the women I've dated made the first move. After my divorce, I didn't really pursue relationships as much as I just kind of ended up in them. When I initiated anything, it was disastrous, but when I left that up to her it usually went well.

JimG Level 8 Mar 31, 2018

Everyone should act how they wish to act with no regard to gender roles. That's why I'm a feminist.

Jnei Level 8 Mar 31, 2018


Nailed it.


Mmmm very interesting What defines a man or woman other than a social construct of gender and prescribed roles initiated by who? I like the idea of self-identifying your own gender or not. I think maybe undoing gender is a good idea. I'm not comfrotable with societal definitions about who or what makes a person a man or women. I identify as a woman and have likes and dislikes.


I think the equality of sexes is more about respecting the autonomy of women. Some men were never taught how to do that, and think it’s a juggling act. Men just have to get used to not all women being receptive (which is kinda the point, right?). If a woman wants to make it easier, don’t drop hints, send a bat signal.

Marz Level 7 Mar 31, 2018

People ought to act however they want, irrespective of gender stereotypes. Also I think more people should try not to be assholes as often.


I think we should all act like who we are. The entire "act like" thing is societal pressure. I say screw societal expectations. Accept me as I am or fuck off. I'm a human who is made up of emotions, experiences, morals, and I will not conform to societal pressure. It's easier since I turned off the TV over 20 years ago. I'm not inundated with forced pairing expectations. Sometims I'm insecure (not very damned often) and that's okay. Be the change you want to see in society.


Nothing has really changed for me as I never acted like a creep to begin with. I have pursued and been pursued. I am just me.


Which women? Which men?
Pamela Anderson? Ruth Bader Ginsberg? Mother Teresa?
The Pope? Vin Deisel? RuPaul? Tom Cruise?
Generic labeling does not work for me or anyone else!

The Anthill Mob ?


I’m not as concerned about who makes the first move as who makes the second, third, and fourth. I’d like to hear other people’s experience on this but it feels to me that no matter who starts the ball rolling the guy is expected to take it from there. Seems to me things should balance out into some reasonable reciprocity fairly early on (for my taste; not suggesting for everybody). That would be most comfortable for me. An equal.
Traditional roles are Mac & Cheese, but equality is a balanced diet.

skado Level 8 Mar 31, 2018

That sounds like a good plan. Not been going so well lately. I’ve mostly just been wondering if my time is done with regards to growing a relationship. It’s hard to pull myself up from discouragements floor.

At 65 I'm wondering the same thing. But then I am learning to live with my limitations. The bold and sassy playful being is still there but the body is failing me - LOL.. Complete intimacy is limited because I will not do hormone replacement and I am always up front with that. Finding compatible friends is always worth the effort. I hav eyet to complete my profile as I don't really know what to say about myself.

@silverotter11 I was just looking at your profile. Is that your artwork? The jewelry? All that work is incredible. I’ve found it to be hard to write about myself with too much transparency, because Of confronting my own feelings like the one above. I guess that’s why most of my post responses are sarcastic, self deprecating, or just silly, I just prefer to laugh. Yeah, I have some of the limiting factors from my end, but if my memory serves me, I did like intimacy.?. A pleasure to meet you.


Since most men, me included, can't fathom how to connect, I think there would be more connecting if women took over πŸ˜‰

SamL Level 7 Mar 31, 2018

Gender roles are ridiculous and outdated. They served a purpose - possibly - in caveman times, but the industrial and informational revolutions have made them mostly obsolete. I do believe that we will see them decline in the next few generations. I certainly know that teenagers today see gender roles and gender identity as more spectrum-based than binary.


Adapt or die. Alone.


Be as you feel but don't let it be a surprise. If I'm approaching you because I think you're shy and suddenly you've taken control, I'm probably going to back off.
If you're dominating and approach me then suddenly are standing there like a deer in headlights, id think you just broke something.

I have no problem with the female taking the wheel but don't stop in the middle of the road expecting me to tell you where to go in this adventure.

I may have missed the perfect partner because I didn't know or couldn't read the signs she was interested. I think we should break barriers and say things like, Hey, I am interested in you and go from there.
Mind you one must expect and respect rejections.

Yes,I recently approached a woman and expressed my interest in her and was politely rejected.No reason to get butt hurt by that.It works both ways.

You'll never know if you don't ask, right?


The stongest economies in the world are countries that have the greatest freedom and respect for women. Countries that keep women barefoot and pregnant are 3rd world countries.

..or on their way to becoming one.

@ailurophile Yes are correct. Countries that do not allow women to participate in the economic activity are wasting a very important human resource.


I don't believe it has really changed that much. It could be generational. Occasionally a woman will make the first move for lack of a better word. I never have had a problem with that. Just be who you are. I don't like men or women who try to act tough to show you how strong they are. BORING!


No one should "act" should just "be", yes? This question bugs me in many ways.

Me too!


Lots of great comments. Apparently the whole dating, relationship or progreation dilemma has not changed much. At 65 the issues are the same, terms may have changed but the game is the same.

I have always been a bold, friendly and sometimes sassy person who is female. But a 'tomboy' at heart and prone to not following the stereo typical girl stuff. NOT a girly girl. When I dated as a young sexually active person, I did not so much go on dates when someone paid. I did resent it if the guy paid and he thought something in exchange was at the end of an evening.

I have to admit it was ALWAYS a challenge. I found when I was in the long term relationship, being my out going sassy self was less complicated. Seems direct eye contact is confusing for all of us on some level. Culture plays a role and adds to the complications.

I say just be yourself, discover yourself and talk, communicate.

Love your comment and I can relate.


I would not expect anyone to be something they are not. These social norms you are talking about are just that, older social norms which are being challenged by younger generations. I don't think that's a bad thing. Where is it written that men have to pursue and women have to sit and wait to be pursued? gag If I like someone, I talk to them. I date men and women and I think a lot can be gained by learning to both pursue and be pursued. Women are enculturated to wait and wonder while men decide to ask them out. Look at lesbian culture and you will see that this can be done away with when the expectations are gone from such enculturation.

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:46895
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.