I deliberately have not read any of the comments here. Because, ultimately, I really don't give a toss what other people think. Life is a constant state of negotiation; relationships are no different. You calibrate your experience with another person based on how the two of you interact. I'm happy to take lead; I'm happy to be taken. In bed, I'm just as happy as Big Spoon as I am as Little Spoon. I don't care. As long as she and I work out something we're both happy with, then joy to the world. And that's it, really. Here endeth my sermon.

Everyone should act how they wish to act with no regard to gender roles. That's why I'm a feminist.

<That is up to the individual. Less I remind you that you will be treated as you are precieved!

Ew gender roles

It is called chivalry, from the code of behaviour for the knights of old. I avidly subscribe to it, whilst also allowing a woman to "go Dutch" if she so desires. Why shouldn't men open doors and allow women through first? However, women should play their part and be gracious about it. Everyone ends up happy.

Which culture do you take as your model?

Who makes the first move is neither important nor any real cause for concern. The worst case scenario is that the other person is not interested in a romantic relationship with you so maybe you become friends or you walk away or you nurse a bruised ego.

Years ago I chatted with a woman online and on the sixth or seventh chat she suggested that we could draw up a prenuptial agreement. At best I found her suggestion to be hilarious and at worst I considered her to be someone who is a con artist. She reminded me of another woman with whom I chatted for three consecutive days and on the third day she typed in the chat window: "I've got very expensive tastes," I replied: "I'm delighted to learn about your very expensive tastes, I hope you can afford them".

So, if there someone that you like online or elsewhere then simply pluck up the courage, break the ice, ask them out for a date in some public place where it is not too noisy so that you can get to know each other and decide if you want to pursue a relationship with that person, There is no need to turn it into a game.

Of course it's fine for a woman to ask the question, but equally, she shouldn't have to. What's concerning is the increasing reservations that men seem to have about asking, for fear of being seen as predatory. Yes, men need to stop treating women as property. The objectification has to end. The Islamic world is a long way off achieving this, but the Western one is currently trying too hard, taking things too far, demonising and even criminalising the traditional human mating ritual.

No don't act like anything be yourself if acting is what you do best then by all means but it feels better to go with what feels natural to you.

In the past , women had little choice , in getting with the man she wanted . Yes she could flirt , if given the opportunity , but , it wasn't lady like to approach a man . Basically , she was left with only the accept or reject portion of a relationship , and even today , a man who is rejected , may feel he was shamed and depending to a large extent on his culture , may feel he has the right to punish or even kill a woman for rejecting him . In some cultures , the parents still arrange marriages , and the couple may not even meet the intended until just before the wedding . Hopefully , the parents will have what is best for the intendeds in mind , but unfortunately , it may have more to do with finances , or how the parents will profit , rather than if the intendeds are compatible . Today , in this country , more women are able to make their own choices , and can readily approach a man she may have an interest in . That doesn't mean she's going to get what she truly wants in a relationship . Men frequently turn down a woman , because he feels she's too aggressive , or he may think she's only interested only in a sexual encounter , and sometimes that is exactly what she wants .

People ought to act however they want, irrespective of gender stereotypes. Also I think more people should try not to be assholes as often.

Just be yourself really. if you want something and its within your grasp ask away.

I'm all for being courted, but I also don't see anything wrong with a woman making the first move. The only time this becomes an issue for me, is when it becomes something I "have 2 do". Example, if a guy asks me out, takes me 2 maybe dinner and a movie, I will bring my own money, cuz u never know, but if you're the one who asked me out, I expect u 2 pay, it has nothing 2 do with him being the man or whatever tho, if I ask him out, I expect 2 b the one paying. If that's a problem then yes it can bother me. But as far as just trying 2 b polite, if someone opens a door 4 me I say thank u, but I open doors 4 both guys and girls 2 so I don't really look at that kind of thing like its something only guys do

We really have botched it all up haven't we?
Last thing I want if I invite a co-worker for coffee is for her to jump up yelling sexual harrassment. Should men act like men and women like women? Yep, I guess, but, how is that? Different cultures, countries times. Ask 100 people and get 110 opinions. Imagine, the one in a million person is finally in your circle and neither is up to making the first move. FAIL!
My advice for what it is worth, which is less than nothing on this topic. If you see someone you are interested in and they havent made any move then what do you lose by making it? In a workplace guys are probably at more risk of problems from this approach.
Again if one is interested, male or female, they should say so.
Makes me fear for our society when such an attractive lady is faced with this dilema.

The instinct to pursue females is a male trait but many men, especially high IQ creative types, are androgyne, so have a weak predatory instinct. Mine is usually stronger than theirs since I'm highly male-ish.

I have to make myself let men court me, but when I'm in male mode, I don't waste time..just head straight for my goal if it's a woman.
But because I'm demisexual, I don't have any lust, so it's pointless in a way.

My hope is that if I'm with a woman love interest long enough the demisexual attraction will kick in for them, the same as it does for men.

As an older man, I find it hazardous to treat women like women. I now treat them as objects, at least until I know them well enough where I can treat them like people without them taking offense to a compliment. All the Sexual Harassment training has drilled it into us men that women can be offended by anything.

I’m not as concerned about who makes the first move as who makes the second, third, and fourth. I’d like to hear other people’s experience on this but it feels to me that no matter who starts the ball rolling the guy is expected to take it from there. Seems to me things should balance out into some reasonable reciprocity fairly early on (for my taste; not suggesting for everybody). That would be most comfortable for me. An equal.
Traditional roles are Mac & Cheese, but equality is a balanced diet.

At 57 years of age now, I grew up in a society where the man approaches a woman. I developed thick skin when it comes to rejection. When I was in sales it was useful to imagine yourself saying “thank you” after each rejection because you are on your way to a “yes” because the conventional wisdom suggested that you have success 1 out of every 10 attempts. It’s not as hard as I thought because after starting a conversation, eye contact, voice and body language belies a person’s attraction so you know whether to pursue a closer relationship. On the other hand, I would welcome initiation of interest by a woman. Her radar of intuition will inform her of where she stands probably quicker than a guy would notice. However, with a site like this, eye contact, body language and voice don’t apply. So we’ve got that going for us eh? ?

I've always been a bit different. Men can persue women in the traditional way if they like. It depends on the woman and is really up to her anyway if she likes that. Personally I can be persued and you can even make more money than I do. I'm big and strong but not macho. Either way is OK with me if I like you.

I'm not gonna lie, it would be really, really, really nice if I didn't have to do the chasing for once. At the very least it would feel good to know that I'm wanted. But I agree with the concensus here that games are getting old.

I personally don’t care for games, pageantry, or little chases. I think relationships should develop organically through mutual demonstrations of love and caring.

What one is looking for in a mate depends upon the individual tastes of those involved. Neither woman nor man should misrepresent their respective degree of femininity and masculinity. These are false constructs which relationships cannot survive because they require a great deal of energy to conceal. Ultimately, nature will assert itself and the truth will be exposed for what it is.

It’s best just to be oneself. Those who seek long enough will eventually find.

I have to agree with most of the responses below. Different folks of both genders will approach things the way they feel most comfortable. Tho there is still a lot of the "old fashioned" attitude out there, & some of that is fine & fun, someone who doesn't fit that mold should not be worried about going their own way!

Guys feel insecure and women feel they have to be strong because a lot of the courting rituals are still heavily entrenched, not because they are changing. I'm all for everyone feeling free to be the pursuer, for discussions about when/if to marry (rather than big surprise proposals), and for not pretending women are prizes to be won.

There are too many qualifiers needed due to the vast differences not only between different genders but within each particular one as well.

People should just be people. Too many people put a focus on gender for too many things. Just do you.