Agnostic.com
You must be a member to visit this group

36 19

Raising your children without religious influence

I raised my son without any religious influence. I did not attempt to influence him in my ways either. Other than that, he was raised just like any other child.

He's now 16 and has been on the honor roll since I can remember. He's never been in trouble at school or outside of school. He accepts everyone for who they are regardless of race, religion etc. He's turning out to be an outstanding young man and I couldn't be more proud of him.

Here comes the kick in the pants...

I get compliments on how well I've raised him, especially from his teachers and other adults. People are just naturally drawn to him. When some of those same people, not all, learn that he was raised without any religious influence, they immediately label me as a horrible parent, or that I have done a terrible thing by raising my son without God. I tell them that I did not raise him without God. I raised him without religious influence. There's a big difference. If he chooses to follow any religion/belief when he gets older, it's his decision to make, not mine. They don't seem to understand this concept. No child should ever be indoctrinated into any religion/belief when they are so young and easily influenced. Doing that to a child is horrible and should be considered a crime.

What are your thoughts on this subject?

Automaton73 4 Apr 20
Share

Enjoy being online again!

Welcome to the community of good people who base their values on evidence and appreciate civil discourse - the social network you will enjoy.

Create your free account

36 comments

Feel free to reply to any comment by clicking the "Reply" button.

7

I agree. I was brainwashed as a child to believe in Moronism (oops, Mormonism). It took me until my late twenties to discover that it was just a big lie. I feel as if my parents abused me by forcing such a scam on me. In their defense, they did not see it as a scam. They thought they were teaching me the truth. Still, I feel that it was abuse to brainwash me into believing it as such a young age.

6

I've always contended that the religious indoctrination of children should be classified as felony child abuse.

6

My oldest was influenced at a young age, by my mother, but has since rejected religion. My teenagers are not being raised in religion or with religious influence. My son, 13 y/o, has three good friends, one mormon, one christian baptist and one nonreligious. The boys discuss religion and seem to just say okay to each other's ideas. The parents on the otherhand seem more nervous than the kids. My son knows that it is possible they may not remain friends as they get older because of their beliefs. I talk with my kids about how religious people may shun them because they don't follow religion. Some may even try to convince them to believe. If my kids decide to become religious one day, I will be okay with it because I didnt force it on them. It is their choice.

4

I wish I had not been raised "Christian." My dad was a minister so we were all raised that way. I know they meant well, but it was child abuse in my opinion. I spent most of my childhood in terror of the devil. When the "Exorcist" came out my fear got even worse. I didn't see the movie because I was a child, but even seeing the trailers terrified me. I would break out into a cold sweat and actually shake with fear believing the devil was going to possess me. This affected me for most of my childhood that I can remember. No child should live with that kind of fear for something that isn't even real.

4

Sadly it seems to be an American disease. I’ve never encountered such nonsense in any other Western country I have engaged with.

4

"My friends say I am more empathetic than anyone they know," my daughter Claire, 30, told me.

As a parent, my goal was to be a good role model.

Claire was raised without religion. As atheists, Terry and I did not pressure her about rejecting religion. Claire is an atheist by choice.

4

Yeah it's very hard for them to understand. according to them everything "good" comes from god.

4

Their magic, bronze age book says they have to. No thought beyond that is necessary.

SCal Level 7 Apr 21, 2020
4

Similar to you, I raised my kids with good values that came from frank and honest talks, not biblical texts or church.

When a parent asked what church we attended, since our kids were so well behaved and had such a sense of fairness, my daughter piped up and said "Oh, we're home churched!" which went over well. But then when parents would press further, by asking our religion, I'd say we're atheists. Then suddenly their kids were not allowed to play with mine anymore.

There were many scenarios like that, we experienced 30 years ago... Now, I don't think there's so much of a stigma. Now, I'd probably say they were raised with "humanistic" values, good without god.

3

Raised my daughter, Lorrae, without any religious influences and although it may sounds as boasting to some, she turned out to be a truly wonderful, caring, honest, polite and well respected person around our home town, so much so that even years after her sad passing from Lymphoma I still get people coming up to me and telling me what a great person she really was and how she was a credit to me.

3

I went a step further, having purchased in advance a couple of the An Atheist Primer, by Madalyn Murray O’Hair (American Atheist Press) -- prior to the birth of my eventual daughters 🙂 No indoctrination, only education; a depiction of world religions based on reality.

Worked great, with the same results you’ve described above, for both. Mine were raised real, and since no god exists in reality, no god was described or relied upon in their lives. With that, they gravitated to the best … like your son.

Never hesitated passing the wisdom of my experiences to my children, which included a healthy disrespect and avoidance of religion. Yes, it’s worked well ~

Varn Level 8 Apr 21, 2020

@TheMiddleWay They are compatible; too bad you can’t put that to the test, though 🙂

@TheMiddleWay ...it's like teaching ‘kids’ that not stepping in front of an oncoming car is not the same as encouraging them to do so..

@TheMiddleWay Man, you’re really hung up with this… not sure if it’s worth responding ..but that rarely stops me 😉 Teaching a child not to step into traffic is good parenting, so is describing the fallacies of religion.

Is this an ‘agnostic’ hangup? If so - there’s no god or gods … and letting a child blindly wade through a majority telling them otherwise is ..criminally neglect.

Teaching children to dodge the pitfalls of religion allows them to reserve their critical thinking for less obvious mistakes. Again, it’s parenting. Now if you wanna raise a fence-sitter … then leave them fearful of decision making and confused by conflicting bullshit. Not this guy, mine progressed nicely, and are now taking on the world 🙂

@TheMiddleWay I think the difference we have here is that I am a successful parent. Having alluded earlier to the fact, and that you’ll never get to meet the proof. Actually, this is your problem - not mine 😉 ..didn’t read the bulk of your post, either. If there’d been signs of something to learn, sure.. But sorry, can’t help you ~

3

Your son is a smart and well adjusted human being. There is a reason for that. Do not let the hypocritical envy of the people who insult you or your method affect you in any way. The proof you're right and they're wrong is evidently obvious in your son.

2

Ditto to comment below. Mine is 13. Turning out the same way.

I don't announce how I am raising him to others.

2

I also have a 16 y.o boy and he was raised same way as yours. He is awesome, polite and good student. No regrets! People will always have an opinion about things they aren't asked about, so just don't bother. Keep your confidence and be sure you did a great job. Hugs! 🤗

2

I raised my three children without any religion. They are all adults who don't have any religious beliefs. They are responsible, kind , and productive individuals. I consider raising a child in a belief system narrowing the scope of their knowledge and abilities.

2

I raised my daughters without religious influence. I don't give a damn what others think about that. Neither do my daughters.

2

Yes, I believe indoctrinating a child is a type of abuse--sometimes very horrible abuse. When he was in grades school I overheard someone ask my son what he believed. He answered, "I'm an agnostic, just like my father." I implored him, "Please, never believe anything just because I do." I am so sure I did him (and his sister) right in that aspect of my parenting. And I'm really proud of how they've "turned out."

Sounds like why we’re still a persecuted minority … glad I raised warriors ~

@Varn Could be, but I rather suspect the fact that there are warriors on both sides is what makes makes the others feel like a persecuted minority. In fact the Christians I grew up among never tired of playing the underdog card of being "despised and rejected by the world."

@Wallace In my nation, christians dominate, both excluding and suppressing others, especially Atheists. They’ll not have as easy a time with mine 😉

@Varn Good! Peace.

2

The results speak for themselves.
You did a great job.

2

you've done a wonderful job and no need to take any crap from anyone.

2

Well done, but what a terrible reflection on the society you live in when this is the reaction.
I raised my two boys without any religious influence but it is so much easier in a secular country.
Religion was just never mentioned.
They are both grown now and married with young families. They know my feelings about religion and are definitely more tolerant than I am possibly because they had no religious exposure when young whereas I was forced to attend sunday school and church.

1

I didn't raise my kids with any religious or god following. They faced a few challenges at school. Once, my younger son's teacher asked him what his religion was and he said he didn't have any. She said ok, I'm putting christian down next to your name, he said, "no ma'am, I'm not a christian, she said ok, I'm putting down hindu next to your name, he said" I'm not hindu, ma' am". He gave her his name and surname, and said "that's who I am". She found that to be arrogant and told him so. He said "Ma'am, I don't follow a religion or god. Half the class clapped. She was disgusted with him. This happened when he was 13 yo. If half the class clapped, I believe kids are trapped in their faith and couldn't wait for some other kid to stand up and echo their disgust towards it. Kids have access to the Internet. They know better.
Teachers can sometimes be hurtful and vengeful and use their authority over a student at school.
Oh and the questions were posed at my son because of some up and coming cultural event at school and my son didn't complete the blanks by the religion question and no tick box for other. The teacher said he didn't complete his form.
Both my kids are adults now and happy without religion.

Well done... I also have 2 kids and both are not Religious at all. However if they want to explore religion as an interest I will not stand in their way as I feel as a parent it is my duty to allow them to explore as long as they have knowledge of both sides and it is up to them to decide not me.

1

I agree with your parenting philosophy 100%. I did the same with my kids. When my daughter got to her teen rebellion years she briefly became a fundamentalist christian. It was kind of funny.

Carin Level 8 Apr 23, 2020
1

You can be good without a god. You can be kind without religion.
The sapling grows towards the sunlight.

1

I raised my two with out god altogether. I had a bible here, from the before, that would use as a reference book. One thing I wish I'd done was go over the common stories - Noah, Adam&Eve, Etc. - so they would have been better prepared. Children can be cruel.

1

Good of you! For a bystander it would be hilarious to see their facial expressions when they know that having 'good' universal principals has actually nothing and absolutely nothing to do with following a certain(unproven) idiology. The opposite of that actually. It shouldn't cause you any bother as long as you know you've done the right thing and see that with your own eyes. I guess that those parents want you to say that you raised your child with fear and rubbish stories rather than letting your child understand the world as it is without fears and threats. If there is a God then that God would be right now laughing with Charles Darwin about these parents! 😂

Write Comment
You can include a link to this post in your posts and comments by including the text q:487189
Agnostic does not evaluate or guarantee the accuracy of any content. Read full disclaimer.